{"id":3579,"date":"2013-10-30T10:58:58","date_gmt":"2013-10-30T15:58:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/freedhearts\/?p=3579"},"modified":"2013-10-30T10:58:58","modified_gmt":"2013-10-30T15:58:58","slug":"abuse-in-church-fear-hides-love-frees","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/freedhearts\/2013\/10\/30\/abuse-in-church-fear-hides-love-frees\/","title":{"rendered":"Abuse in Church – Fear Hides, Love Frees"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"mean<\/em><\/p>\n

Maybe the church has too much time on its hands. Like kids near the end of summer when Mom is saying, \u201cOkay, two more weeks and they\u2019re back in school. No more boiling a baseball so it will bounce higher or using conditioner on the dog.\u201d<\/p>\n

I say this because so many in the evangelical church spend a lot of time<\/i> making enemies of the LGBTQ and allies, protecting its own power structure, and generally distinguishing itself as devoid of the compassion Jesus showed everyone on earth (except, ironically, the religious elite).<\/p>\n

Two close friends of mine were severely and chronically sexually abused as girls. By church pastors. \u2018Kacey\u2019 was repeatedly raped by her pastor of one church and by her youth pastor of the next church\u2014as well as other abusers. \u2018Becca\u2019 was repeatedly raped by her two youth pastors\u2014a married couple. Both were abused in other serious ways as well.<\/p>\n

Both these women outcried to a parent; both outcried to someone on the church staff. And despite evidence, both girls were told they were lying and made to confess. Kacey had to tell of the abuse, in detail, to the (all male) church leaders\u2014the elders and deacons. Becca had to confess she was \u201clying\u201d to to the entire congregation. Becca remembers the look on the women\u2019s faces as they came up to \u201clay hands on her and pray for her.\u201d She also remembers the flurry of the kids in the days after, saying, \u201cMom asked me if they ever touched me<\/i>.\u201d Becca knew even then (at age 11) that many of those women believed her. Kacey remembered not concern but smugness on the elders\u2019 faces. Here\u2019s the upshot: No one took action for either girl.<\/i> Even if some people believed them, they still threw these children under the bus.<\/p>\n

I want to think this is isolated. Rare. Hardly ever happens\u2026 and I just happen to know two of the very few women this happened to. But that is not the case. Boz Tchividjian,* grandson of Billy Graham, and founder of GRACE \u00a0(Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment)<\/a>, says the \u201cevangelical sex abuse record is worse than Catholic\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

Church as a system is designed<\/i> for its own survival. Like a fortress. No one is going to take \u2018us\u2019 down. And by us, I mean the men in charge, not the children or (the LGBTQ or spouses trapped in abusive marriages, or women who get a smile and a nod but not a voice, or others outside the power grid). Society has long known that the church system is a magnet for pedophiles\u2014where else do you find easy access to kids whose parents are trained to trust without question and that anger in underlings is a sin? The church system is also a magnet for controlling, abusive men\u2014where else do you find a patriarchal system that encourages women to submit quietly and joyfully to men? Finally, the church system is a magnet for homophobes\u2014a place where you can use God\u2019s microphone to vent your disdain for LGBTQ.<\/p>\n

Of course I\u2019m not saying every man in church leadership is a controller or pedophile. But I am saying the power structure draws those men with ultimately little in place to obstruct them. And like any power system, those who rise into its ranks are not eager to dismantle it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been told I unjustly malign the church, but hey, I\u2019m standing with Jesus as he makes his own whip<\/a>, and then uses it to throw down the religious elite who dared abuse the innocents in their charge.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

You are probably not a child molester, nor necessarily part of the church elite. But if you are in a church, you\u2019re part of the power structure; the power can\u2019t exist without the beams that hold it up. Do you sit quietly as the pastor speaks condemnation instead of compassion? Are you wise to those who need a voice? Are you risking yourself to provide that voice?<\/p>\n

Fear hides abuse and holds the structure in place. Love frees and dismantles it.<\/p>\n

* Professor Tchividjian<\/a> created the \u201cCrimes Against Children\u201d division of the Office of State Attorney and was personally responsible for the prosecution of hundreds of cases child sexual abuse cases.\u00a0Tchividjian<\/a>\u00a0is a frequent lecturer on the various legal issues related to the prosecution of child sexual abuse and is active in training prosecutors, investigators, social workers, and medical personnel. \u00a0He is a founding member and Executive Director of GRACE<\/a> \u00a0(Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment), which educates and equips the faith community to correctly respond to sexual abuse disclosures, while also providing practical guidance to churches on how to protect children.\u00a0 GRACE also provides confidential consultations to churches, schools, & other organizations which are struggling with issues involving sexual abuse.\u00a0Professor Tchividjian speaks extensively on this subject at various conferences, schools, and denominational gatherings. He has also appeared numerous times on radio and television to discuss the work of GRACE. In 2006, Professor Tchividjian was a contributor to the video series Caring for Kids God\u2019s Way<\/a> produced by the American Association of Christian Counselors.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Maybe the church has too much time on its hands. Like kids near the end of summer when Mom is saying, \u201cOkay, two more weeks and they\u2019re back in school. No more boiling a baseball so it will bounce higher or using conditioner on the dog.\u201d I say this because so many in the evangelical […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2073,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,5,9,12,13],"tags":[43,82,114,182,189,288,293,364,366,457,475,478,479,480,506,627,739,740,743,770,776,785,786,1012,1043,1089,1103],"class_list":["post-3579","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-church-religion","category-family-support","category-lgbtq-support","category-the-real-jesus","category-theology","tag-abused-in-church","tag-are-people-born-gay","tag-bible-homosexuality","tag-christians-with-gay-children","tag-church-sex-abuse","tag-ex-gay-ministries","tag-exchanged-life","tag-gay-christian","tag-gay-christian-community","tag-help-my-child-is-gay","tag-homosexuality","tag-homosexuality-and-sin","tag-homosexuality-and-the-bible","tag-homosexuality-and-the-church","tag-how-to-respond-to-a-gay-child","tag-lgbtq-christian","tag-my-child-is-gay","tag-my-daughter-is-gay","tag-my-son-is-gay","tag-parent-of-a-gay-child","tag-parenting-in-christ","tag-parents-of-gay-children","tag-parents-of-gay-kids","tag-to-christian-parents-of-gay-children","tag-trusting-god-with-our-children","tag-what-do-you-do-when-your-son-is-gay","tag-when-your-family-rejects-you"],"yoast_head":"\nAbuse in Church - Fear Hides, Love Frees<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Maybe the church has too much time on its hands. 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