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When you\u2019ve been together with someone for thirty-seven years, being creative for that person\u2019s birthday is a challenge\u2013particularly when that person says \u201cnothing\u201d when you ask her what she wants for her birthday. But I was actually able to completely surprise Jeanne on Monday, thanks to a random comment she made as we were watching television a couple of months ago. As we watched some character jump in a helicopter to rush off to some important event, Jeanne said \u201criding in a helicopter has always been on my bucket list.\u201d I did not know this.<\/p>\n
The next day I Googled \u201cRhode Island Helicopter Rides\u201d; soon I reserved a 25-minute lighthouse tour for two from Newport Lighthouse Tours for Jeanne\u2019s birthday. It was a huge success, not least because Jeanne was totally surprised. As we drove into the small local airport where the helicopter tours begin and end, the first sign she saw was for skydiving. It\u2019s a good thing the next sign was for Newport Lighthouse Tours\u2013skydiving is on neither of our bucket lists.<\/p>\n
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We all are familiar with the idea of helicopter parenting, parents who hover over their offspring as they seek to control or manipulate situations that their daughter or son either is or should be fully capable of handling themselves. Many sources identify Baby Boomers as the first generation of helicopter parents. The phrase gained currency in the early 2000s as the oldest millennials began reaching college age. Baby-boomer parents earned notoriety for practices such as calling their children each morning to wake them up for class and complaining to their professors about grades the children had received. Summer camp officials reported similar behavior from these parents. I want to push back a bit against this stereotype, since I have two sons born right at the transition point from Gen X to millennial who went to college. I don\u2019t recall helicoptering over them at all (although they might claim otherwise).<\/p>\n
I encountered lots of these parents when I directed a large interdisciplinary program required of all students on my campus a decade or so ago for four years. Such parents were never pleased when I told them that by law I could not disclose any information about their daughter or son\u2014even though the parents had often spent many thousands of dollars for their child to be at my college\u2014without their daughter\u2019s or son\u2019s written permission (which never seemed to be forthcoming).<\/p>\n
But as we helicoptered above the beautiful Newport area last Monday, it occurred to me that calling parents who regularly insert themselves into their children\u2019s lives \u201chelicopter parents\u201d accurately captures neither the invasive parental activities nor the experience of being in a helicopter accurately. When in a helicopter, one is serenely riding over and observing the land below. From a helicopter one not only doesn\u2019t but one cannot engage with what is going down there. To interfere with their child\u2019s life, the helicopter parent must land the helicopter and get engaged. One cannot do anything when one is hovering.<\/p>\n
Our helicopter excursion brought to mind Bette Midler\u2019s megahit \u201cFrom a Distance\u201d from 1990. The view from a helicopter is exactly as the opening lines describe:<\/p>\n
From a distance, the world looks blue and green<\/strong> Everything from a helicopter looks peaceful and serene, even though you know that on the ground you are hovering over there are traffic jams, stressed people, and all sorts of anxiety-causing events. If you want to engage with these events, the helicopter first has to land.<\/p>\n
And the snow-capped mountains white<\/strong>
From a distance, the ocean meets the stream<\/strong>
And the eagle takes to flight<\/strong><\/p>\n