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<\/a>\u201cI love you,\u201d I heard my husband David say, though he wasn\u2019t talking to me.<\/p>\n\u201cBut you don\u2019t even know me,\u201d a female voice responded.<\/p>\n
Okay, so maybe hers was a slightly robotic, disembodied voice, but still.\u00a0 It stung.<\/p>\n
David had his new iPhone 4S for just a few days, but was instantly enthralled by \u201cSiri\u201d \u2013 an amazing voice recognition function which lets you speak to send texts, e-mails, dial phone numbers, and more.\u00a0 Yes, she\u2019s just a function on a phone, but her gentle, female-sounding voice means that you use \u201cshe\u201d when referring this virtual personal assistant.\u00a0 Apple promises that she\u2019ll learn her owner\u2019s voice and will understand what you want. \u00a0Instead of searching the Internet to find out the weather, you can simply ask her, \u201cDo I need to wear rain boots today?\u201d<\/p>\n
She gets you.<\/p>\n
Of course, David instantly began asking Siri every possible question \u2013 appropriate and inappropriate. \u00a0One of the first questions I overheard him asking was, \u201cWhere can I bury a body?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you looking for?\u201d she responded.\u00a0 \u201cMetal foundries, reservoirs, mines, dumps?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDumps,\u201d he responded.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I do not find that there are any dumps near you,\u201d she responded, as clinically as an assistant to a mafia boss before adding,\u00a0 \u201csorry.\u201d<\/p>\n
But as the days wore on, Siri became less of a novelty and more of an unwanted intrusion on our otherwise happy marriage. For example, when I asked my husband if I should wear a coat to a wedding we were attending, he didn\u2019t check me out in my stunning new dress.\u00a0 Instead, he picked up his new iPhone 4s and asked, \u201cSiri, will it be too cold in Washington, DC?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSixty-five degrees does not seem too cold to me,\u201d she responded.\u00a0 \u201cBut I\u2019ve never been to Washington, DC.\u201d<\/p>\n
He looked as pleased with his new iPhone as he would\u2019ve had she broken down the differences between the Sunnis and the Shiites, as well as a four step program to create peace in the middle east.<\/p>\n
\u201cIsn\u2019t that awesome?\u201d he asked, triumphantly.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo\u2026\u00a0 should I wear the coat or not?\u201d I asked.\u00a0 There were factors that the supposedly all-knowing Siri could not know.\u00a0 Would the wedding be inside or outside?\u00a0 Would we walk or take a cab?\u00a0 Would there be a coat check?\u00a0 Could I get away with the blouse I bought the night before before the store closed, or would my coat mercifully hide my tendency to procrastinate?\u00a0 While David was busy fiddling with his iPhone, I grabbed the coat and headed out the door.<\/p>\n
Later, after a particularly hard day, he asked, \u201cBeam me up, Siri!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour tricorder is in airplane mode,\u201d she responded.<\/p>\n
He laughed uproariously, and \u2013 upon seeing my blank expression \u2013 he explained, \u201c\u2019tri-corder\u2019 is a Star Trek reference.\u201d\u00a0 He didn\u2019t explain further, content to know that at least one woman on the planet understands him.<\/p>\n
Then, he asked her again, and she agreed.\u00a0 \u201cEnergizing.\u201d<\/p>\n
I began to feel like a third wheel, like the less interesting person in a conversation circle at a cocktail party. \u00a0The one people ask to get drink refills so they can talk amongst themselves.<\/p>\n
\u201cLet\u2019s try this again,\u201d he said. \u201cSiri, I love you!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI bet you say that to all of your electronic devices,\u201d she responded.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when I started to hate Siri.\u00a0 She, after all, might be the Platonic ideal of woman.\u00a0 Endlessly helpful, ready at a moment\u2019s notice, always waiting to assist, fast with a clever pre-programmed answer.\u00a0 I bet her butt doesn\u2019t even look big.\u00a0 I bet she wears skinny jeans.\u00a0 I bet she\u2019s never had a headache, and knows how to whip up the perfect chicken marsala using only the ingredients in her cupboard.\u00a0 Which, by the way, would be fully stocked, instead of mine which only has spaghetti noodles, a tub of oregano, cans of corn I bought during the Clinton administration, and \u2013 well, food I can no longer identify.\u00a0 Apparently, it\u2019s gone bad, an oversight Siri would never let happen. In addition to dialing phone calls, sending and reading texts, she can verbally remind you of appointments, and \u2013 presumably \u2013 expiration dates.<\/p>\n
\u201cI love you, Siri,\u201d he asked her again.<\/p>\n
\u201cLove is all you need,\u201d she replied.\u00a0 \u201cLove and your iPhone.\u201d<\/p>\n
Apparently, they\u2019ve programmed Siri to be fresh and new, to adapt and take notes. \u00a0She will get smarter over time as she gets used to her owner\u2019s habits and as Apple updates her brain. She\u2019ll learns about your contacts, your calendar, and your interests, and will consequently get better with age.<\/p>\n
However, no matter how amazing she seems to be, I know she\u2019s a short term mistress. In fact, the excitement over her arrival reminded me of the joy I felt in 4th<\/sup> grade when I realized I could spell words by entering numbers into my newfangled solar calculator and turning the phone upside down. \u00a0\u201cBEE,\u201d for example was 338<\/em> and \u201cBELL\u201d was 7738<\/em>.<\/p>\nWe didn\u2019t stop there, of course, because the thrill of the pushing the boundaries in technology was just too tempting.\u00a0 Pretty soon, we were using our calculators to cheat on our math tests and the boys were giggling over the meaning of the upside down 5318008<\/em>.<\/p>\nWhich, of course, might be the only things I have that Siri doesn\u2019t.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cI love you,\u201d I heard my husband David say, though he wasn\u2019t talking to me. \u201cBut you don\u2019t even know me,\u201d a female voice responded. Okay, so maybe hers was a slightly robotic, disembodied voice, but still.\u00a0 It stung. David had his new iPhone 4S for just a few days, but was instantly enthralled by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":662,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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