Tile: Never Lose Your Stuff Again…Maybe

Look out, world. Here comes Tile! You might have heard about this revolutionary new lost and found device that’s been slinking its way around various online channels and pathways. The concept is simple: purchase the small block-shaped white chip, attach it to an item that you commonly misplace, and using the prescribed Tile app on your smartphone, track the object, utilizing nifty green bars that signal when you’re getting warmer or cooler. Oh, and you can also set your Tile to ring. Additionally, let’s say your bike is stolen. If you’ve been smart enough to attach a Tile to it, you can use the Tile app to alert all other Tile users in the area to your unfortunate plight so they can be on the lookout. Because, y’know, looking for our own lost stuff isn’t confusing enough.

Tile was created by Nick Evans and Mike Farley, two men who worked together for years in the hardware industry. The career jump seems logical; who doesn’t get pissed off when they lose their screwdriver? In a video promotion, Evans and Farley appeal to you, the viewer, to buy a Tile and help them build the Tile community. They smile a lot, which helps. No one wants mean innovators.

So, for $18.95, I bit the bait and pre-ordered a Tile. Apparently, I was the eleventy-billionth person to do so, blowing away Evans and Farley’s initial fundraising start-up goal of twenty thousand dollars. With all the support for Tile, this thing must be amazing, right? To be honest, I’m a little bit skeptical.

First, the app can only pick up a Tiled object that’s within 150 feet. That doesn’t do me much good if, say, I attach it to my dog’s collar and she takes off. Secondly, since one of Evans and Farley’s claims is that it helps track down stolen objects, I can’t help but wonder why a thief wouldn’t just rip the Tile off and throw it away (think original Total Recall where Arnold yanks the tracking brain chip out of his nose and feeds it to a rat). And third, Tiles are only good for a year, at which point, you have to send them back to be recycled and purchase all new ones at the original price. Come on now!

Maybe I’m wrong and Tile will be the greatest thing since Al Gore invented the Internet! Quite frankly, I hope I’m wrong. My wife loses her keys like the Phillies lose games right now.

Alan Atchison is a Contributing Writer to The Rogue. He is a Senior Publications Editor at the Center for the Advanced Study of India (University of Pennsylvania), where he also earned a Masters of Liberal Arts in Creative Writing. He lives in Philadelphia, PA with his wife and two daughters. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram.