I\u2019m a diehard, bleeding-heart liberal. And it\u2019s ruining my parenting.<\/p>\n
My intentions are good. I want my two daughters, 6, to think critically, to fight for fairness and justice whenever they can. I want them to value equality above all else. But sometimes, I also need them to do what I say. This contradiction is hard to explain.<\/p>\n
Take a recent incident, involving some candy. I\u2019d given each girl the same number of gumballs. But one of my daughters lost some. She then implored me for extra. \u201cNow I have less and that\u2019s not fair,\u201d she moaned.<\/p>\n
\n
\u201cBut they\u2019re my candy! It\u2019s not my fault we lost some of hers!\u201d the other one replied.<\/p>\n
My solution \u2014 to put all the gumballs together in one bowl and split them equally \u2014 was unacceptable to both. All afternoon, they threw tantrums, slammed doors, or tried to slyly outwit me, crumbling when I didn\u2019t fall for it.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow about we keep our own gumballs and I get an extra other kind of candy that she doesn\u2019t get?\u201d said one.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy am I being punished for her missing candy?\u201d asked the other.<\/p>\n
Three hours later, the result was the same as it would\u2019ve been had I taken a sterner approach from the get-go: We did what I said. But what should have taken five minutes took three hours, and everyone was in a bad mood.<\/p>\n
* * *<\/p>\n
I remember being a little kid. While my mother was amazing, I never felt like I had a say. What she said went, end of story. I spent my childhood bemoaning how unfair it all was (like, I know, every little kid ever). I had to overcome many obstacles to learn that my voice was important.<\/p>\n
But I\u2019ve gone too far in the other direction.<\/p>\n
Three is probably a bit too young for the pay-gap speech, but there I was, explaining why I turned down a low-paying position at a local business. It\u2019s a big world out there, and I want my girls to know what they\u2019re worth. But since they\u2019re so little, their whole world is our home, and their needs. The poor and disadvantaged? In their world, it\u2019s them, when they don\u2019t get their way.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve given them power they don\u2019t know what to do with. So minor decisions that should be left to the parent (like, say, wearing tights without holes in them) become ruthless, time-consuming battles that add unnecessary dissonance to their lives.<\/p>\n
I thought my parenting approach would lead to strong, confident girls who are able to assess situations and logically thwart unequal systems. And it probably will, someday. But right now? They\u2019re 6. The lessons I\u2019ve taught them have led to two very dissatisfied girls who don\u2019t know if their mother is their friend, their adversary or their keeper.<\/p>\n
[Keep reading. . . ]\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote><\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The Washington Post has a touching and rather humorous piece on the following theme:\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a diehard, bleeding-heart liberal. And it\u2019s ruining my parenting.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1281,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[3423,1291,1667],"class_list":["post-20149","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","tag-child-raising","tag-liberalism","tag-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n
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