{"id":26762,"date":"2017-01-13T05:45:59","date_gmt":"2017-01-13T10:45:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/?p=26762"},"modified":"2017-01-12T21:14:48","modified_gmt":"2017-01-13T02:14:48","slug":"gay-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Gay divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"divorce-1021280_640\"<\/a>We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay Divorced. I Regret Both<\/strong><\/a>.\u201d \u00a0The author, Meredith Maran, tells with poignant honesty how she crusaded for gay marriage, took the plunge, but then went through a long, costly, and painful divorce.<\/p>\n

After the jump, theology professor Denny Burk quotes from the article and comments on the problem: \u00a0wanting the rights<\/em> of marriage without the norms<\/em> of marriage (fidelity, permanence).<\/p>\n

\n

The same could be said of many heterosexual marriages. \u00a0But is there anything about gay relationships that makes permanence\u00a0especially difficult? \u00a0What role might\u00a0bearing children play in making marriage permanent? \u00a0But how would you account for marriages with children that break up anyway? \u00a0Some people are saying that marriages shouldn\u2019t necessarily be permanent at all, though breakups are still traumatic, even for those who think that way. \u00a0Do you have any suggestions for lowering the incidence of divorce, including among heterosexual Christians?
\n<\/p>\n

From Denny Burk, \u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay Divorced. I Regret Both.\u201d | Denny Burk<\/a>;<\/em><\/p>\n

Meredith Maran had an interesting essay in The New York Times<\/em> over the weekend: \u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay Divorced. I Regret Both<\/strong><\/a>.\u201d In it, she describes her \u201cmarriage\u201d to her lesbian partner in 2008 and the subsequent dissolution of their relationship in 2013. She regrets her gay marriage and divorce, but it is not because she is against gay marriage in principle. Rather she says this:<\/p>\n

In many cities over many years, my wife and I had marched for marriage equality. We\u2019d argued with the haters and we\u2019d argued with the gay people who said that legal marriage would co-opt us, diminish us, turn us into a caricature of \u201cnormal\u201d married people. We swore we could enjoy the rights only marriage conferred and still have our gender-fluid commitment ceremonies, our chosen-family configurations, our dexterity at turning friends into lovers and vice versa.
\n<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

She admits that she and her partner never wanted the norms<\/em> of marriage, but only the rights<\/em> of marriage. As a result, she regrets her gay marriage only<\/em> because it made breaking-up more difficult. Divorces are expensive and messy, and it turns out that both marriage and divorce cramped her gender-fluid \u201cdexterity at turning friends into lovers and vice versa.\u201d<\/p>\n

I appreciate Maran\u2019s candor in this article. I do think it is revealing. I suspect that many of those who marched for legal gay marriage in our country weren\u2019t really that concerned about adding traditional marriage norms to gay relationships\u2014norms of permanence, covenant, fidelity, etc. What they wanted was social acceptance of their relationships as they were already configured\u2014many of which were admittedly \u201cmonogamish\u201d<\/a> rather than monogamous. The legal recognition served to remove a stigma, not to convert \u201cdexterity\u201d into permanence.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

[Keep reading. . .]\u00a0<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

HT: \u00a0Chris Queen\u2013read his comments<\/a> too<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Illustration from Pixabay, Creative Commons<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay Divorced. I Regret Both.\u201d \u00a0The author, Meredith Maran, tells with poignant honesty how she crusaded for gay marriage, took the plunge, but then went through a long, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1281,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,26],"tags":[5105,891],"class_list":["post-26762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","category-law","tag-gay-divorce","tag-gay-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\nGay divorce<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Gay divorce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Cranach\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/cranachblog\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-01-13T10:45:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-01-13T02:14:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.production.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/files\/2017\/01\/divorce-1021280_640-300x291.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Gene Veith\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Gene Veith\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/\",\"name\":\"Gay divorce\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2017-01-13T10:45:59+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-01-13T02:14:48+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#\/schema\/person\/f9ca8670bcc51908a78994c0484dbfa1\"},\"description\":\"We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Gay divorce\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/\",\"name\":\"Cranach\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#\/schema\/person\/f9ca8670bcc51908a78994c0484dbfa1\",\"name\":\"Gene Veith\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/054d79faea5d476edd8f99e5f14fb17f?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/054d79faea5d476edd8f99e5f14fb17f?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Gene Veith\"},\"description\":\"Gene Edward Veith, Jr. is a writer and retired literature professor, serving as Provost Emeritus at Patrick Henry College. He has authored over 25 books on Christianity and culture, literature, classical education, and theology. Dr. Veith previously held academic and editorial roles at Concordia University Wisconsin and WORLD Magazine. A respected voice in Lutheran and classical education circles, he holds a Ph.D. in English and several honorary doctorates. He and his wife, Jackquelyn, live in St. Louis and have three children and twelve grandchildren.\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/cranachblog\/\",\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Gene_Edward_Veith\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/author\/geneveith\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Gay divorce","description":"We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Gay divorce","og_description":"We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/","og_site_name":"Cranach","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/cranachblog\/","article_published_time":"2017-01-13T10:45:59+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-01-13T02:14:48+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/wp.production.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/files\/2017\/01\/divorce-1021280_640-300x291.png"}],"author":"Gene Veith","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Gene Veith","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/","name":"Gay divorce","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#website"},"datePublished":"2017-01-13T10:45:59+00:00","dateModified":"2017-01-13T02:14:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#\/schema\/person\/f9ca8670bcc51908a78994c0484dbfa1"},"description":"We have gay marriage. \u00a0Now we are also getting gay divorce. \u00a0The New York Times has published an op-ed piece entitled \u00a0\u201cI Got Gay Married. I Got Gay","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/2017\/01\/gay-divorce\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Gay divorce"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/","name":"Cranach","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#\/schema\/person\/f9ca8670bcc51908a78994c0484dbfa1","name":"Gene Veith","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/054d79faea5d476edd8f99e5f14fb17f?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/054d79faea5d476edd8f99e5f14fb17f?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Gene Veith"},"description":"Gene Edward Veith, Jr. is a writer and retired literature professor, serving as Provost Emeritus at Patrick Henry College. He has authored over 25 books on Christianity and culture, literature, classical education, and theology. Dr. Veith previously held academic and editorial roles at Concordia University Wisconsin and WORLD Magazine. A respected voice in Lutheran and classical education circles, he holds a Ph.D. in English and several honorary doctorates. He and his wife, Jackquelyn, live in St. Louis and have three children and twelve grandchildren.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/cranachblog\/","https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Gene_Edward_Veith"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/author\/geneveith\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1281"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26762"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26762\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/geneveith\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}