{"id":100290,"date":"2013-02-05T15:30:52","date_gmt":"2013-02-05T20:30:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/getreligion\/?p=100290"},"modified":"2013-02-05T14:16:52","modified_gmt":"2013-02-05T19:16:52","slug":"ugh-when-reality-tv-looks-inside-clergy-homes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/getreligion\/2013\/02\/ugh-when-reality-tv-looks-inside-clergy-homes\/","title":{"rendered":"Ugh — when ‘reality’ TV looks inside clergy homes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/iframe>\n<\/p>I know, I know. \u201cThe Sisterhood\u201d is a reality television show about pastors\u2019 wives.<\/p>\nI know, I know. That piece on the Style page at The Washington Post<\/em> \u2014 \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/entertainment\/tv\/the-sisterhood-is-more-religious-entertainment-than-reality-tv\/2013\/01\/28\/cb2edf66-61b6-11e2-a389-ee565c81c565_print.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">\u2018The Sisterhood\u2019 is more religious entertainment than reality TV<\/a>\u201d \u2014 is primarily a review of this alleged fact-based reality show, not a true news feature about a serious issue in church life. <\/p>\nWhat we are talking about, of course, are the glass houses in which most clergy families live. This is delicate, serious territory.<\/p>\nAll that aside, I actually would like to praise this Post<\/em> piece for noting several serious holes in this oh-so-unreal reality show.<\/p>\nHowever, GetReligion readers will not be surprised to learn that the article does not spotlight the fact that the show is \u2014 despite focusing on the lives of Atlanta-area preachers\u2019 wives \u2014 almost completely lacking in content about the beliefs of these women or the practice of their faith.<\/p>\nRight up front, readers are told:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\u201cThe Sisterhood\u201d is a new reality show on TLC about pastors\u2019 wives in Atlanta. The city is the spiritual home of Martin Luther King Jr.\u2019s ministry and the show promises a rare window into the lives of several \u201cfirst ladies.\u201d<\/p>\nSo far \u2014 we\u2019re four episodes in, halfway through the inaugural season \u2014 a pastor has given his spouse a pair of handcuffs, a first lady has pointed out the first house where she smoked crack and there\u2019s been a nice chat about sexually transmitted diseases.<\/p>\nCan we get a fan in the first pew? This is so not mama\u2019s sweet hour of prayer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nMore on those handcuffs in a minute, since that\u2019s a rather important plot twist that gets mangled.<\/p>\nThe key is the whole National Geographic<\/em>-explores-strange-people approach that is given to what the creators see as an exotic and mysterious niche culture in American life. Right, this is a land in which pastors, priests, rabbis, imams, etc., are out of the mainstream.<\/p>\nSo what, precisely, is the edgy Bible Belt niche explored in this series? That\u2019s where the key racial and doctrinal elements come to the forefront, creating heat and controversy:<\/p>\n<blockquote>None of these first ladies are at major denominational churches, such as Baptist, Catholic, Episcopalian or Methodist. Instead, they\u2019re all at what are loosely known as \u201cprosperity churches,\u201d with names like the Oasis Family Life Church, Emmanuel Tabernacle, Work with Wonders and The Good Life Ministry. Two of the couples were between churches during filming.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nActually, \u201cEpiscopalian\u201d is a noun and the adjective form of this word is \u201cEpiscopal,\u201d but never mind. Let\u2019s continue, since is the point where the Post<\/em> team offers some serious information to readers. This is the heart of the report:<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<blockquote>Three of the five first ladies are black (one is white and one is Latina), giving the show a predominantly black viewpoint, and not everyone is thrilled about the portrayals. First ladies at historically black churches are particularly high-profile positions, with an emphasis on social standing, decorum and, well, class. Sophia A. Nelson spent six months working on a story in the current edition of Essence Magazine<\/em> about the private lives of first ladies. She says those women are in a sometimes claustrophobic social niche with a challenging set of unwritten rules of conduct that cover every aspect of their lives.<\/p>\n\u201cThere is a code among these ladies, and that\u2019s why [the show] is so off the mark,\u201d says Nelson, the author of \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Black-Woman-Redefined-Discovering-Fulfillment\/dp\/1935618946\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Black Woman Redefined<\/a>: Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama.\u201d \u201cThey would never go on TV and talk about their sex lives. They\u2019d rather die than put out that imagery.\u201d \u2026<\/p>\nCast member Ivy Couch, the recipient of the handcuffs, is a Spelman College graduate with a degree in English. She\u2019s a little bit impatient with the idea that the cast is \u2014 how to say this \u2014 trifling. She offers the handcuff incident as a case in point.<\/p>\nThey were filming on Father\u2019s Day last year, she says, and on camera she gave her husband, Mark, several gifts. He surprised her with several gag gifts in return, including a white T-shirt, hunting gear and the handcuffs, as part of an inside joke about things he knew she wouldn\u2019t use, she says. But after editing, the only thing that\u2019s shown is him giving her the handcuffs, with the implication they\u2019re part of sexual play.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nThe gift, in other words, is turned upside-down.<\/p>\nMoving on. The bottom line is the bottom line: What are the real issues that dominate the lives of these women? What are the unique strengths they possess, as well as the unique pressures that come with the role they play in the lives of their religious communities?<\/p>\nTLC isn\u2019t interested in the least, it appears. The Post<\/em> team at least knows that there are serious issues in there that need to be addressed. Do any of them have to do with Christian faith?<\/p>\nAs I have said here from time to time, with a cynical sigh: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=hTWKbfoikeg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Oh well. Whatever. Never mind<\/a>.<\/p>\nNow, I freely admit that I take this whole issue rather seriously for a logical reason: I grew up in the home of a Bible Belt, Southern Baptist pastor. I have also written many column about the pressures that clergy work under, including two just last month (<a href=\"http:\/\/www.tmatt.net\/2013\/01\/21\/words-pastors-fear-saying-to-their-flocks-part-1\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">click here<\/a> or <a href=\"http:\/\/www.tmatt.net\/2013\/01\/28\/words-pastors-fear-saying-to-their-flocks-part-ii\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">over here<\/a>).<\/p>\nAlso, days after my father died, I <a href=\"http:\/\/www.tmatt.net\/1999\/03\/10\/for-my-father-a-pastor-2\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">updated an earlier news column<\/a> that I had written as a tribute to him and to other pastors and their families. Here is how it ended. I hope GetReligion readers can see how this might relate to a so-called \u201creality\u201d show about pastors, the spouses of pastors, etc.<\/p>\n<blockquote>Why was I proud to be a pastor\u2019s kid? This may sound simplistic, but I believe churches need to hear it \u2014 again.<\/p>\n* My father was a pastor<\/strong> \u2014 not a preacher, CEO, entertainer, clinical counselor, self-help guru or crisis-management consultant.<\/p>\n* He preached the Bible<\/strong>, not his feelings and experiences. Today, many urge pastors to make their lives open books \u2014 often forcing a faked extroversion that has little to do with reality. This has more to do with life in an era of mass-media confessions than solid teaching or evangelism.<\/p>\n* My parents were united<\/strong> \u2014 for 58 years \u2014 by their love and commitment to ministry. Today, many churches place so much pressure on clergy schedules and spirits that they weaken the very foundations of their personal lives. This has led to clergy divorce rates that are as shameful as in society as a whole.<\/p>\n* My father wasn\u2019t a workaholic.<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t until college that I talked with other \u201cPKs\u201d and discovered how unusual it was that I spent many, many hours with my father. I\u2019m convinced this was linked to a more balanced, realistic approach to ministry.<\/p>\n* He kept on loving God<\/strong>, his work and his people. I have never known a pastor who didn\u2019t wrestle with fits of melancholy. Good pastors are realists who face the reality of pain and sin. And then many heap criticism on them, micromanage their lives and expect miracles.<\/p>\nTruth is, I rarely saw my father move mountains. But I did see him preach, teach, pray and embrace sinners. I was proud that he was a pastor. I still am.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nObviously, as you can tell, I was proud of my mother, as well. <\/p>\nSo, do the wives of clergy deserve this kind of niche-cable TV attention? It\u2019s a free country and I know that. Nevertheless, I would urge the Post<\/em> team to keep and eye on this show and, down the road, offer some serious coverage of the real women who live their real lives in ministry.<\/p>\nGet real.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I know, I know. \u201cThe Sisterhood\u201d is a reality television show about pastors\u2019 wives. I know, I know. That piece on the Style page at The Washington Post \u2014 \u201c\u2018The Sisterhood\u2019 is more religious entertainment than reality TV\u201d \u2014 is primarily a review of this alleged fact-based reality show, not a true news feature about […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":610,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,11,55,23,12,49,48],"tags":[937,938,939],"class_list":["post-100290","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-people","category-pop-culture","category-race","category-radio-and-tv","category-religion","category-sex","category-worship","tag-pastors-wives","tag-reality-television","tag-tlc"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>Ugh -- when 'reality' TV looks inside clergy homes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I know, I know. "The Sisterhood" is a reality television show about pastors' wives. I know, I know. 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