![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/162\/2012\/06\/burnout-300x300.png\" "\\"burnout\\"")
<\/a>Last week, I finished the fifth revision of my fifth novel, and got notice from my editor that it\u2019s ready to go into production. I didn\u2019t feel much like celebrating, and didn\u2019t feel satisfaction at a job completed. Most of what I felt was relief, because this book has been something of an ordeal.<\/p>\nThough the book itself did present certain creative challenges, the ordeal, the battle, was not the book itself. Writing is always hard. The real issue these last two years has been creative burnout.<\/p>\n
By the time this book comes out, I will have published five books in seven years. Before I submitted the book proposal to my publisher, I wrote in my journal (and I remember this distinctly\u2014can still see the words on the page) that I should not take on another novel project until I got some rest. But I did. With no one twisting my arm, I submitted and sold the novel in proposal form.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s easy to defend myself with good and rational reasoning. Circumstances at my publisher somewhat forced the issue, and I needed money, and this is what conventional wisdom says that working writers in my field do. It was, technically, the right career decision. Yet I know it was also a decision made out of a lack of faith and a failure of imagination.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t trust that God would have another way to meet my needs.<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t imagine something different than writing a novel to keep my career on track.<\/p>\n
During this time of creative burnout (which is ongoing), I\u2019ve noticed that it\u2019s an awful lot like spiritual burnout. My desire to write is about equal to my desire to pray, and not doing either thing leads to guilt and shame. Reading feels like a huge drag, as does meditating on God\u2019s word. I don\u2019t really want to hear what\u2019s going on in the lives and careers of my writing peers; similarly I can take or leave church.<\/p>\n
Numerous times over the last year or so, I\u2019ve been absolutely convinced that I couldn\u2019t<\/em> finish my book. It felt as impossible as resurrection. I wanted to call my agent to say pull the plug and I\u2019d figure out some way to pay my publisher back. I\u2019ve wondered if I have anything left to say in a young adult novel, or if the whole idea of fiction is even meaningful to me anymore.<\/p>\nI have wondered if this is my last novel, because I\u2019m no longer sure I understand the point of it all, if I ever did. Likewise, I\u2019ve been certain that my pursuit of faith is pointless and impossible. Why bother? In times of doubt in God and in writing, I tell myself that there are so many other, easier paths.<\/p>\n
And I feel repentant, creatively, the way I do when I\u2019ve got spiritual issues to deal with. I\u2019ve been writing my Good Letters posts at the last minute and turning them in late. I\u2019ve been neglecting writer friends, and haven\u2019t kept up with their work or what\u2019s generally going on in my writing community. I keep saying no to requests to provide blurbs for debut authors, and drag my feet on replying to reader mail.<\/p>\n
For these things, I\u2019m sorry. I know this has been my way of surviving until a break was logistically possible, yet I recognize, too, that the situation would not have become so desperate if I\u2019d listened to what I knew<\/em> I knew that day I told myself in my journal: don\u2019t.<\/em><\/p>\nIn my very first Good Letters post, I wrote, \u201cWhen I find myself on a death-spiral of doubt and insecurity and comparison and other soul-crushing habits of the mind, I remind myself: Just put your head down and do the work.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nToday, twenty-eight posts later, I think of a song based on Psalm 3 in which God is described as the \u201clifter of my head.\u201d<\/p>\n
My break doesn\u2019t mean I won\u2019t write, any more than it means I won\u2019t pray. But I need to slow down, and make some space to let God meet me, give me joy, show me wonder.<\/p>\n
Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, <\/em>goes another song and Psalm.<\/p>\nI also sing: Restore unto me the joy of my vocation<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Last week, I finished the fifth revision of my fifth novel, and got notice from my editor that it\u2019s ready to go into production. I didn\u2019t feel much like celebrating, and didn\u2019t feel satisfaction at a job completed. Most of what I felt was relief, because this book has been something of an ordeal. Though […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1062,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[193,188,394,393],"class_list":["post-711","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sara-zarr","tag-books","tag-creativity","tag-the-writing-life","tag-writers-block"],"yoast_head":"\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/162\/2012\/06\/burnout.png\" "\\"burnout\\"")
<\/a>Last week, I finished the fifth revision of my fifth novel, and got notice from my editor that it\u2019s ready to go into production. I didn\u2019t feel much like celebrating, and didn\u2019t feel satisfaction at a job completed. Most of what I felt was relief, because this book has been something of an ordeal.<\/p>\n