In this second installment of Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery vs. U.S. Constitution, we will look at one popular conservative website, and how it approaches the topic of divorce, and then consider the subtext of some of Jesus\u2019 teachings. If you missed my last post, Toxic Masculinity Discusses Marriage<\/a><\/span>, you might want to start there, as today\u2019s post builds on that content.<\/p>\n Modern Western Christianity is much<\/em> different from Bible times, to say the least. Everything has changed \u2013 some things for the better, some not so much. Of course, the world has changed too. Among other things, thanks to modern conveniences, housework and cooking take a lot less time than they used to. Both boys and girls go to school for most of the day. Financial pressures (both actual and socially imposed) are nothing like they were in Jesus\u2019 time.<\/p>\n The increased number of women in the workforce is another huge change. (The website Biblical Gender Roles refers to this as \u201cthe scourge of feminism.\u201d)<\/p>\n Of course, working women complicate family life \u2013 but that doesn\u2019t make it wrong or bad. Parents in every era of human history have succeeded and failed to do a good job raising their kids. Kids have gone astray in every generation, some of them poorly raised, some impeccably raised.<\/p>\n Marriages today are usually built on mutuality and (at least in theory) equality; love and devotion are in place before the wedding. This is not like Bible times \u2013 does that make it wrong, or is it just different? Or might it even be an improvement<\/em>?<\/p>\n Those who insist on \u201cbiblical\u201d marriage standards like subservience, women as property, and (heaven help us) spanking<\/em> in this context make the Bible irrelevant<\/em>. This is a rebuke of Christian leaders\u2019 faulty interpretations, not a reflection on the Bible itself.<\/p>\n Dr. Adrian Thatcher of the University of Exeter suggests<\/a> that we expand our thinking:<\/p>\n Wives can love their husbands as Christ loved the Church, even if it never occurred to this first-century author to say so\u2026There is more to marriage than adhering to particular details of its historical practice. Understanding of marriage can <\/em>deepen.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n In the quotes we looked at last time<\/a><\/span>, love was not part of the discussion. The author made no attempt to understand marriage on a deeper level than its power structure. I saw only a self-privileged male writer drunk on the totalitarian control he had given himself. (Is this hyperbole, or accurate?)<\/p>\n With all that said, let\u2019s move into a discussion of divorce.<\/p>\n We will start with an overview from everyone\u2019s new favorite website, Biblical Gender Roles (BGR). What does this conservative \u201cbiblicist\u201d have to say about divorce? (If you missed my last post, in which I quoted from BGR at length, go here<\/a><\/span>. To catch this series from the beginning, go here<\/a><\/span>.)<\/p>\n Jesus was absolutely clear about the purpose of the law: to lead us to love God with our whole being, and to love<\/a><\/span> our neighbor<\/a><\/span> as ourselves.<\/p>\n He saw the law as something pliable, a means to an end \u2013 not an end in itself. He innovated<\/em>, reapplying parts to fit the new, improved, love-focused community of faith.<\/p>\n No doubt, this was jarring to his followers (and detractors). After centuries of Mosaic law, it would be hard to get used to those changes. Some rejected them completely.<\/p>\n Today, we are perfectly comfortable with Jesus\u2019 innovations \u2013 we\u2019ve never known a different kind of faith walk.<\/p>\n Fundamentalists (and whoever else adheres to the old law), in trying to practice \u201cpure\u201d Christianity, have lost the thread. They \u201ctithe dill and mint and cumin\u201d but neglect \u201cjustice and mercy and faithfulness\u201d (Matthew 23:33).<\/p>\n (Commercial: if you question \u201cbusiness as usual\u201d in Christianity \u2013 or want to question it \u2013 subscribe to my<\/span><\/i> newsletter<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/span>, and we can journey together!)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n (Reminder: I\u2019m not suggesting that all fundamentalists, evangelicals, or Christian nationalists adhere to the exact beliefs below. Some do \u2013 probably many millions are in that camp. For example, Kenneth Copeland Ministries agrees<\/a> with BGR\u2019s basic tenets on divorce; so do Focus on the Family<\/a>\u00a0and the Gospel Coalition<\/a>. Other organizations like Marriage.com<\/a> and Crosswalk<\/a> offer more liberal advice.)<\/p>\n As you read the following, imagine it becoming the law of the land, because that\u2019s what many of these conservative orgs (including BGR, Kenneth Copeland, Focus on the Family, and the Gospel Coalition) have as their ultimate, Christian nationalist goal.<\/p>\n My husband is openly and unrepentantly committing adultery with a teenager in our town. It\u2019s common knowledge that he has rented an apartment where he spends three nights a week with her.<\/em><\/p>\n Everyone\u00a0is telling me to leave him, even my pastor and my conservative Christian family, quoting Matthew to show that Jesus would approve. They claim by not imposing consequences I\u2019m enabling his sin.<\/em><\/p>\n At times I feel absolutely crippled with jealousy. Especially grueling is submitting to him in the bedroom, knowing how he spent the previous night.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n BGR counsels this woman to stay with her husband, explaining that he is not sinning against her, but against God<\/em>. He is not committing adultery \u2013 he is \u201cwhore mongering.\u201d<\/p>\n [H]is sin should bother you. But it should bother you because it is a sin against God [not against you].<\/em><\/p>\n Now if he leaves you for this woman, then the sin does become against both you and God. <\/em>But do not worry yourself over it until it actually happens.<\/em><\/p>\n [If you are jealous of the other woman], you are actually taking up an offense against God and being upset at your husband\u2019s God given polygynous sexual nature<\/span>. [emphasis added]<\/em><\/p>\n Win him with your submission and your pure and respectful behavior toward him.<\/em><\/p>\n And part of your pure submissive, pure and reverent behavior toward him is you freely and willingly (without an attitude) giving yourself sexually to your husband and putting all thoughts of that other woman out of your mind. <\/em><\/p>\n Rid yourself of your jealousy and give it to God.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n And all God\u2019s people said\u2026.\u201dWTF??\u201d<\/p>\n Let\u2019s review: a married Christian man is having an affair, and the wife should not be bothered by it because he is not defrauding her, but God. She should be her usual jolly, submissive self. After all, God created men to crave multiple women. Stop being jealous, and just don\u2019t think about the other woman.<\/p>\n Raise your hand if that sounds even remotely godly to you.<\/p>\n By now, this will not surprise you:<\/p>\n God only allows a man \u201cto put away his WIFE\u201d for fornication and that he makes no such allowance for women to put away their husbands for fornication\u2026The only way a man can commit adultery against his wife is by wrongly divorcing her. <\/em><\/p>\n This is exactly the situation that Christ is addressing\u2026[in] Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n You do not own your husband; your husband owns you.<\/em><\/p>\n [E]ven in cases of biblically justifiable divorce, the Bible never prescribes a method for a woman to initiate divorce from her husband.\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n Instead, the Bible uses the language of the woman being freed from her husband if he does not provide her with three things required by his marriage covenant. Exodus 21:10-11 says that if a man does not provide his wife with food, clothing and sex \u201cthen shall she go out free.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n Why does this bizarre system still exist in the 21st century? It was developed by men, for men<\/em>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Oddly, BGR doesn\u2019t mention Jesus very often. From what I could see, the website is silent about some of Jesus\u2019 important conversations \u2013 for example, with the woman caught in adultery, or the woman at the well with multiple divorces.\u00a0 So let\u2019s talk about them now.<\/p>\n The woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5)<\/span>: This woman was considered an \u201cuntouchable,\u201d but Jesus did not consider himself defiled by her touch (that is, her touch put him in violation of purity laws<\/strong>). He gave her his attention, commended her faith, and even called her \u201cDaughter.\u201d<\/p>\n The woman crippled for eighteen years (Luke 13)<\/span>: Jesus broke the Sabbath law<\/strong> to heal her. When the religious leaders rebuked him for it, he reminded them of her inherent value.<\/p>\n The Samaritan woman at the well (John 4)<\/span>: Jesus didn\u2019t care that she was a woman, a divorcee, and a Samaritan. She was a person<\/em>. He openly talked to her and even asked for a drink from her ritually unclean water vessel<\/strong>.<\/p>\n The Syrophoenician woman (Matthew 15, Mark 7)<\/span>: Jesus gave this woman a hard time, but ultimately, he praised her great faith and granted her request, even though she was a non-Jew<\/strong>.<\/p>\n Mary and Martha (Luke 10)<\/span>: Jesus was happy to have Mary sitting at his feet as he taught, although this was not allowed for women<\/strong>. He even said that by choosing to learn instead of cook, she chose \u201cthe good part.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n The woman in Bethany who anointed Jesus (Matthew 26, Mark 14, John 12)<\/span>: She spent money extravagantly on Jesus, upsetting the disciples \u2013 but Jesus defended her, and declared that her act would always be remembered.<\/p>\n The \u201csinful\u201d woman who anointed Jesus (Luke 7)<\/span>: Though this woman was known to be a sinner (as was everyone else), Jesus did not rebuke her, but treated her as a person.<\/p>\n The parable of the persistent widow (Luke 18)<\/span>: This parable of Jesus features a woman who wouldn\u2019t shut up till she got justice<\/strong>.\u00a0 Jesus was commending persistence in this story.<\/p>\n Some takeaways from these conversations:<\/p>\n This might be a good place to recall that in the Bible, women operated businesses (eg. Priscilla, Lydia, Proverbs 31) and held very powerful positions (eg. Deborah, Esther). Women were in Jesus\u2019 entourage and integral to Paul\u2019s ministry.<\/p>\n How might Jesus\u2019 conversations with women influence our stance on divorce?<\/p>\n The only way \u201cbiblicist\u201d men can disagree with the above points is by ignoring Jesus\u2019 ministry. They may be reluctant to give up their power \u2013 but hey, Jesus \u201cemptied himself\u201d (Philippians 2:7).<\/p>\n In a marriage already rooted in love and equality, men don\u2019t need to be told not to spank or treat their wives like property. They already love sacrificially \u2013 and so do their wives.<\/p>\n And just maybe, they will live happily ever after.<\/p>\n (Next time: gay marriage.)<\/p>\n (If you are energized by challenges to the evangelical status quo like this, please subscribe to my<\/span><\/i> newsletter<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/span>! If you would like to comment on this post, please pop over to my<\/span><\/i> Facebook page<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/span>. All of my posts are there and open to constructive comment! I welcome your thoughts.)<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n OTHER POSTS YOU MIGHT LIKE:<\/strong><\/p>\n FEATURED IMAGE: https:\/\/unsplash.com\/photos\/E8H76nY1v6Q<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" In this second installment of Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery vs. U.S. Constitution, we will look at one popular conservative website, and how it approaches the topic of divorce, and then consider the subtext of some of Jesus\u2019 teachings. If you missed my last post, Toxic Masculinity Discusses Marriage, you might want to start there, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4414,"featured_media":6290,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1184,39],"tags":[1244,1235,1238,1241],"class_list":["post-6230","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ten-commandments","category-women","tag-adultery","tag-divorce","tag-equality","tag-fundamentalism"],"yoast_head":"\n\n
The big picture<\/h3>\n
Unfaithful husband (fasten your seatbelt \u2013 again)<\/h3>\n
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Can a woman initiate divorce?<\/h3>\n
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Jesus and women<\/h3>\n
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