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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
To my twenty-year-old self:<\/i><\/p>\n
Oh, sweet girl, things are going to get better. You\u2019re going to get through this. <\/b><\/p>\n
I know you don\u2019t believe it. Everything seems shattered, as you lie gasping under the weight of searing pain. You hate yourself for not being able to make it better. You don\u2019t know life apart from shame.<\/p>\n
Somewhere this belief that you\u2019re intrinsically toxic has taken root. But the lie is the real poison. It\u2019s choking your ability to give and receive love. You\u2019re trying so hard and you never slow down: work, college, worship practice, countless hours helping at church. You\u2019re trying to be good enough for somebody to love you.<\/p>\n
I wish I could cup your face in my hands and tell you there is nothing wrong with you.<\/i> I know you wouldn\u2019t hear it, but I\u2019d say it just the same. It\u2019s agonizing and exhausting. You feel so different from everyone around you, and you\u2019re sure that means you\u2019re bad. You just can\u2019t press your soul into those molds. You can\u2019t make shadows lift by magic-word prayers.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not your fault.<\/i> You won\u2019t recognize this for years. But you didn\u2019t cause the brokenness in your life \u2013 circumstances were outside of your control, and you did the best you knew how. You can\u2019t fit the pieces back together on your own, either.<\/p>\n
Find help. Allow others in. Some will wound you deeply, but others will shock you with compassion. You\u2019re terrified to ask, but it\u2019s worth the risk. You\u2019ll heal from the wounds.<\/i> The ones who matter most will be there the longest. Even now, they believe in you more than you comprehend.<\/p>\n
This is what you can\u2019t see now: d<\/em>ark days don\u2019t last forever.<\/i> Hope is about to be born inside of you, deeper than emotion and knowledge. It will anchor you when hell cracks open. You will learn the light is coming and you can always make it through.<\/p>\n Life won\u2019t look how you expect<\/i>. It\u2019s so much better. Dreams will take longer than you think and yet catch you off guard, so hold on. There are gorgeous surprises ahead: travel and freedom, deep friendships and seasons of profound peace.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll learn to be kind to yourself, gentle with your pieces. Someday, you\u2019ll look in the mirror and like what you see, not just physically, but inside. You\u2019ll stop being ashamed of being different, of thinking and feeling deeply.<\/p>\n Best of all, dark days are not wasted. Out of a hideous hell, you\u2019ll become living, breathing proof of better things. But it won\u2019t be like nothing ever happened. Your future is inextricably linked to this painful present. Don\u2019t be afraid.<\/p>\n Though the growth is slow and agonizing, you\u2019ll look back breathless to see how far you\u2019ve come. You\u2019ll cry wondering tears in awe of redemption, that all the ugly has become a tree of life. You\u2019ll look at scars on your soul and skin and whisper thanks that others find you safe.<\/p>\n Because redemption isn\u2019t fixing the broken pieces and erasing the scars. Redemption takes it all, kisses and blesses it, then offers it to stop the bleeding of the world. Because you walk through darkness now, others will believe they can do the same in the future. Never take that for granted.<\/p>\n You\u2019ll learn about boundaries and safety and self-care, too, but allow your heart to be safe harbor. Hope and grace will become the anthem you sing. Let others hear it. Let them come near. Bandage their wounds with words of love, and know the sacred honor of being the hands of Christ.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t try to force this. It will flow organically from knowing you\u2019re loved and wanted. This is the mystery: you must drink deeply of grace to offer it to another. You must receive kindness to extend it.<\/p>\n So for now, try and be patient with yourself. Treat yourself the way you want others to be treated. Be gentle and kind. Because you are deeply loved, deeply wanted, and you deeply belong.<\/p>\n xoxo,<\/i><\/p>\n Your almost-thirty self <3<\/i><\/p>\n From Sarah \u2013 I almost didn\u2019t let you see this.<\/em><\/strong> It was just a simple exercise that appeared\u00a0in my inbox from Ally Fallon<\/a>.\u00a0It was remarkably healing, but I thought it might be just for me<\/em><\/p>\n Then\u00a0I shared it with a room of\u00a0young women who have walked similar roads.\u00a0I was so humbled to see\u00a0it open a space for them to speak kindly to their younger selves.<\/em><\/p>\n There were hushed sobs\u00a0as they realized the shame and anger they hold for themselves, weights lifted as they learned how\u00a0compassion for themselves sounds. It\u00a0was cathartic and difficult, but a\u00a0sacred moment.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Fellow lovers of messy grace, I want the same for you.\u00a0<\/em>Can I invite you to write your own letter?\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>Here is the only rule: be\u00a0kind to yourself. <\/em><\/strong>Release judgement and shame. Speak as though you\u2019re writing to a beloved younger sibling or child<\/em>. You\u2019ll be surprised what compassion does for your heart.<\/em><\/p>\n Nobody needs to see if you don\u2019t want to share. But if you do, we would be honored to hear it in the private\u00a0Grace Is Messy Facebook group<\/a>. You can also send it to me at sarah@beautifulbetween.com<\/a>\u00a0or post advice for your younger self in the comments here.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What would you tell your twenty-year-old self? Here\u2019s some wisdom and grace from Sarah. To my twenty-year-old self: Oh, sweet girl, things are going to get better. You\u2019re going to get through this. I know you don\u2019t believe it. Everything seems shattered, as you lie gasping under the weight of searing pain. You hate yourself […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2789,"featured_media":12986,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[853,1625,1748,1749],"class_list":["post-11764","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-messy-grace","tag-grace","tag-recovery","tag-self-care-2","tag-self-compassion"],"yoast_head":"\n