Since my daughter was born, I\u2019ve been mostly a stay at home mother. I am in graduate school, but go part time so that I only have to leave my daughter with my mother-in-law twice a week for a few hours.<\/p>\n
Recently I was invited to attend an out-of-town conference. In order to go, I would either have had to take my toddler and a baby-sitter (one of my younger sisters-in-law for the weekend, or leave her for one night while I attend.<\/p>\n
She was weaned, so she didn\u2019t depend on me for physical nourishment. She was very comfortable with our family, and of course my husband was there. I was still hesitant, but since my expenses were being paid by the conference committee, I thought it was only fair to bite the bullet \u2013 and travel alone.<\/p>\n
Man, did I feel guilty. My family \u2013 mostly my husband \u2013 talked to me at length explaining that I had nothing to feel guilty about, that my going was making me a positive role model for her, and so on. Rationally, I agreed with everything. But I still felt unsettled.<\/p>\n
I knew she was going to miss me and I empathized, but that wasn\u2019t the only issue. I felt like I was shirking my responsibility as a mother. But where did I get the idea that my responsibility as a mother entailed never leaving my child\u2019s side for more than a few hours, especially if it had to do with something \u201csuperfluous\u201d like speaking at a conference? The Prophet (saws) was sent to the desert for years to be raised by a wetmaid, as was the custom. In India and Pakistan, caring for children is often a joint responsibility by joint families, with most of the work done by the grandmother. And by \u201cAmerican\u201d standards, I am probably devoted to my daughter to the point of being \u201coppressed.\u201d<\/p>\n
Perhaps it\u2019s an overcompensation for the reigning culture in our country in which raising kids is outsourced to others. Or perhaps it\u2019s my obsessive-compulsive tendencies that make me uncomfortable leaving the raising of \u201cmy child\u201d to \u201cothers\u201d for an entire 30-hour period. I fear it may be indoctrination by a particular American-Muslim viewpoint. When I told one woman at the conference that I had left my daughter at home, she said (jokingly\u2026 but not really), \u201cGasp\u2026 How could you?\u201d Whatever it is, and I\u2019m still trying to figure it out, I need to get over it \u2013 for my daughter\u2019s welfare as much as my own.<\/p>\n
Bhawana Kamil<\/p>\n
<\/em><\/p>\n Bhawana Kamil lives in Santa Clara, CA with her husband and daughter. She is pursuing a Masters degree in Philosophy and is the head of her local Muslim American Society Outreach Department \u2013 but only on the side. Her real job is watching (and hopefully helping) her little girl grow up!<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Since my daughter was born, I\u2019ve been mostly a stay at home mother. I am in graduate school, but go part time so that I only have to leave my daughter with my mother-in-law twice a week for a few hours. Recently I was invited to attend an out-of-town conference. In order to go, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1529,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[689,800,828,41177],"class_list":["post-334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-leaving-child","tag-motherhood-guilt","tag-muslim-mom","tag-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n