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I often feel guilty when it comes to my kids. I know I don\u2019t spend enough time with them.\u00a0 And when I am with them, I still feel that guilt because despite my initial spike of excitement at seeing them, I realize I don\u2019t actually want to spend time with them. I prefer to sit on the couch and surf the web. I mean there is a lot of really important research that needs to be done. Should I get the Galaxy s3 or the iPhone?\u00a0 And, of course, I need to catch up with my friends on Facebook and see what they ate for dinner or how many of them are distraught over what is happening in Syria. Really important stuff!<\/p>\n
My time with my kids looks like this:<\/p>\n
Minute 1: Baaaaaaaaaaaba\u2019s home!!<\/p>\n
Minutes 2-4: Hugs, kisses, and 3 minutes of very fun playing.<\/p>\n
Minutes 5-60: Changing and discussing something half-heartedly with my wife.<\/p>\n
Hours 2-5: Eating, yelling at the children for fighting and disturbing my important research, checking my Blackberry, and pretending to listen to my wife.<\/p>\n
Yes, by many standards, I\u2019m a pretty crappy father. \u00a0But, hey, I\u2019m the provider, the hunter-gatherer. That\u2019s what I\u2019m meant to do. I bring home the turkey-bacon.\u00a0 Men are not here to entertain children and listen to their wives! At least that\u2019s what I tell myself to feel better.<\/p>\n
So this past New Year, I made a resolution: I will make a real effort to spend more quality time with my children.<\/p>\n
This got me thinking about my role as a father. What does it mean to be a \u201cgood\u201d dad? What is my job description?\u00a0 What am I actually accountable for?<\/p>\n
Am I just supposed to make sure they are fed and are in the best schools? Or that they also memorize Quran and pray?<\/p>\n
Logically, this led me to think about my wife\u2019s role as well.\u00a0 I came to my own conclusion: the way I see it, the father is the visiting professor and the wife is the teacher\u2019s assistant.\u00a0 I do some lecturing now and then, and she does all the real work. It\u2019s clear that I can\u2019t function in my role without her presence.<\/p>\n
Back to my computer. This time I started doing some useful research. I read blogs, articles, and watched YouTube clips. I wanted to define fatherhood further, but wasn\u2019t getting the answers I was looking for.\u00a0 Finally, I did what I should have done from the beginning, return to wisdom left from Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him.<\/p>\n
The Prophet described his role simply and elegantly: \u201cI have been sent to perfect the character of all people.\u201d\u00a0 Is this then not my job as a father?<\/p>\n
I realized that although the other stuff is important, it isn\u2019t the most important.\u00a0 It is like the person who insists on praying but backbites: they\u2019ve missed the point.<\/p>\n
It seems I have missed the point as well. My wife and I obsess over many things with regards to our children.\u00a0 Are they are drinking out of plastic bottles? Do they need to eat more kale, are they falling behind?<\/p>\n
My role is not to entertain the kids, any more than my wife\u2019s role is to dress them like Gap models. Our role is to help perfect our children\u2019s character.<\/p>\n
Now the hard part: in order to improve my children\u2019s character, I need to fix my own. I can\u2019t teach my child to pray with khushoo (serenity) when I\u2019m running to pray in the last five minutes., or to be patient when I lose my own temper.<\/p>\n
So what\u2019s my role as a father? Quite simply, it\u2019s the same as my role as a human being, and that is to be better.<\/p>\n
The Quran says, He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed (Chapter 67, V. 2)<\/p>\n
This is my ultimate test; and my children, who are my mirrors, will show me in time if I\u2019ve passed.<\/p>\n
Abu Hamza<\/p>\n
Abu\u00a0Hamza is the professor of 3 aspiring Einstein\u2019s. He enjoys\u00a0research, web-surfing and above all just wants peace and quiet, if not<\/em>\u00a0in this life, then in the next.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I often feel guilty when it comes to my kids. I know I don\u2019t spend enough time with them.\u00a0 And when I am with them, I still feel that guilt because despite my initial spike of excitement at seeing them, I realize I don\u2019t actually want to spend time with them. I prefer to sit […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1573,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,11,18],"tags":[62,198,413,630,41177,1012,1211,1225],"class_list":["post-5191","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spirituality","category-fatherhood-2","category-growbaba-spotlight","category-parenting","tag-allah","tag-children","tag-fatherhood","tag-islamic-parenting","tag-parenting","tag-quran","tag-spirituality-2","tag-struggle"],"yoast_head":"\n