{"id":3588,"date":"2017-02-20T09:07:25","date_gmt":"2017-02-20T16:07:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/hindtrospectives\/?p=3588"},"modified":"2017-02-20T09:49:42","modified_gmt":"2017-02-20T16:49:42","slug":"speechless-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/hindtrospectives\/2017\/02\/speechless-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Speechless"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"Children<\/a>
Children selling dates on the road to Shimaliyya State in Sudan. Credit: Hind Makki<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Exploring faith, race, and Sudanese identities<\/a>\u00a0in\u00a0Black History Month<\/em><\/p>\n

By Guest Author Mona Hagmagid<\/em><\/p>\n

The Iftars<\/em> hosted by the sudanese community
\nAre my annual attempts at preserving my
\nafrican roots<\/p>\n

The smells of Sudan
\nrace through the American built
\npublic elementary school
\nwe rent out
\non those Ramadan Saturdays.<\/p>\n

We sit around,
\neating
\ngood food that reminds so many of home.
\nWe sit around
\ncounting the hours we have left
\nto make this hall sacred.<\/p>\n

Long lines and mobs of youth
\ncrowd the back wall
\nas the call to prayer is heard,
\nthe same throaty crackling sound of the motherland.
\nWe gather to pray
\nStanding in the gymnasium
\nThat now surges with the spiritual electricity
\nOf Ramadan nights<\/p>\n

Children dash in between the tables
\nin worn down jeans and graphic t-shirts that scream phrases from pop culture
\ntheir parents don\u2019t understand
\nwhy they walk and talk the way they do.
\nNike sneakers scrape the floor
\nas the kids line up for pizza
\nand the adults grab Sudanese traditional.<\/p>\n

I watch my mother\u2019s face
\nas she struggles to communicate
\nbut in spaces like these
\nlove is enough
\nto make the barriers invisible.<\/p>\n

They all know
\nI can barely speak arabic
\nWhen my uncle calls from Sudan
\nI freeze
\nMy mouth dries and my tongue stiffens
\nHe asks me how I am
\nTamam<\/em>
\nHe asks me how is the family
\nAlhamdulilah
\nHe asks me how is school
\nI say, It\u2019s very good, Alhamdulillah,
\nEverything is Tamam<\/em>.<\/p>\n

My father cringes at the sound of my voice
\nWobbly
\nUnsure
\nFamily should be closer than this
\nI should not have to slow down my words for my own uncle
\nI should not have to choke out a hollow answer
\nIn the tongue of his own oppressor to say
\nHello
\nHumiliating that I have often tried
\nAnd often failed
\nAt parties and weddings and funerals
\nThey always ask
\n\u201cWhat is your excuse, for not knowing your own language?\u201d<\/p>\n

But here
\nIt doesn\u2019t feel crowded my stiffness and insecurity here
\nWe are one of them
\nEven if our ears cannot hear the music in their voices
\nThe quick tongues of older women and older men
\nSilenced against my ignorant
\nDeafness<\/p>\n

In this Sudanese America, that has become a kind of American Sudanese
\nwe laugh and smile and sometimes we are yelled at
\nin no particular language
\ntold not to be so noisy
\nand to clean up the mac and cheese that has fallen on the floor
\nbeside the vending machine.\u2019<\/p>\n

Tall boys that have long been men
\nshuffle outside the dinner hall
\nnot sure where to go,<\/p>\n

Every year they buy a lotto ticket
\nHoping for belonging
\nLeaving with nothing
\nAddicted to rediscovering who they are supposed to be<\/p>\n

Their clothes are not the long white robes of their fathers
\nnor do their snapbacks have the glory of the high turbans
\nso they hang back
\nwaiting for an invitation to adulthood.<\/p>\n

25 different kinds of juice
\nSpilling over the white table clothes and onto the floor
\n25 shades of black and brown
\nMelting together
\nFruits of God
\nThe perfumes of different neighborhoods and tribes
\nDecorate the air<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t need to know the language
\nThough I will never quite stop feeling guilty
\nThey forgive me every year
\nAnd for them I am grateful<\/p>\n

\"Mona\"<\/a>Mona<\/span> Hagmagid is a freshwoman at the University of Pennsylvania. She is a proud member of Penn Sapelo, a premier Black Muslim Student organization on campus as well as her school MSA. She enjoys writing, reading, and listening to poetry, exploring her Sudanese and Black American heritage, and is committed to learning and teaching about diversity, equity and inclusion within the communities she cares about.\u00a0<\/em><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Exploring faith, race, and Sudanese identities\u00a0in\u00a0Black History Month By Guest Author Mona Hagmagid The Iftars hosted by the sudanese community Are my annual attempts at preserving my african roots The smells of Sudan race through the American built public elementary school we rent out on those Ramadan Saturdays. We sit around, eating good food that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1151,"featured_media":3583,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[66,67],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-zoulsoul","category-black-history-month"],"yoast_head":"\nSpeechless<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Exploring faith, race, and Sudanese identities\u00a0in\u00a0Black History Month By Guest Author Mona Hagmagid The Iftars hosted by the sudanese community Are my\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/hindtrospectives\/2017\/02\/speechless-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" 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