I\u2019ll back up. Took my baby for a 4-month well check this week. He weighed in fine. He\u2019s in the 90th percentile for length (btw, both of my\u00a0kids are going to out-grow me by the 2nd grade. If you knew their dad, you would not be surprised). Anyway, all was well. \u00a0Give us the shots and let\u2019s get out of here, right?<\/p>\n
But not before\u00a0the pediatrician started talking to me about using\u00a0\u201ctough love\u201d to get a baby to sleep in the crib, and sleep through the night, letting him cry it out, etc. Not that I\u2019m fundamentally opposed to the concept. But upon mentioning tough love, the doctor\u2013who knows what i do for a living\u2013proceeded to ask me if i listen to Focus on the Family. No, i replied (i thought rather mildly) i do not. \u201cReally?\u201d she said, surprised. \u201cAre you a Christian<\/em> pastor?\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n Ah, there it is. The assumption that loving Jesus and loving James Dobson have something\u2013nay, everything\u2013to do with each other.<\/p>\n My first thought was to say, \u201cNo, I\u2019m sorry for the confusion. I lead the coven that gathers\u00a0on South Mountain under every full moon. Wanna see my cape?\u201d\u00a0 But I just proceeded to say yes, I am in fact the leader of a Christian church, and i still, believe it or not, don\u2019t \u201cfocus.\u201d The ensuing conversation was civil enough, wherein she said (more than once) that she \u201cloved hearing my opinions.\u201d We all know what that\u2019s code for.<\/p>\n My opinions were this (and again, i felt they were stated mildly and kindly. I am re-phrasing here for a different audience): That the Dobson corporation creates the kind of homophobic rhetoric that contributes to school bullying, teen suicide, and the fracture of families that find they have a gay child; that divorced folks are made to feel like failures, single mothers deemed an abomination of nature and culture, and if you are a woman who voluntarily works outside the home, just, well, heaven help your poor abandoned children. (I mean, this woman\u2019s a DOCTOR. I thought that last part would at least resonate with her\u2026)<\/p>\n Ultimately, it wasn\u2019t an ugly scene, but i left feeling majorly icked out and toying with the idea of finding a new doctor for my kids. Why? I asked myself. As Jeremy said when i recounted it to him, it\u2019s not as if this woman\u2019s fundamentalist leanings affected her ability to vaccinate my kids, or write them a prescription when they are sick. (BTW, I\u2019m proud to say that my husband had very little knowledge of James Dobson or any of his stuff, but I assured him that he agreed with me on all points).<\/p>\n But there it was\u2026 my kids have never been<\/em> sick. Maybe an occasional cold or 24-hour barfing thing, but that\u2019s it. Nothing for which\u00a0we needed to seek medical attention. And if\u00a0we did (still conversing with myself here) ever have a sick child, how vulnerable, scared, worried, etc,\u00a0were we\u00a0going to feel? What would\u00a0we want then in a doctor? Someone\u00a0we could trust, I decided. And I\u2019m just being honest with myself here. I don\u2019t trust this woman anymore.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t get me wrong, i like knowing that my doctors are people of faith. I like knowing that the kind of ego it must take to make it as a doctor leaves some room for trust in\u00a0a higher power. But where i got stuck here was\u2013this doctor\u2019s higher power seemed to be not Jesus, but\u00a0Dr. Dobson.<\/p>\n I know I\u2019m over-simplifying her, and probably her faith too. I\u2019m sure she\u2019s lovely, and I\u2019m sure her faith journey has many other influences than this one that was in my face. However, not only was I deeply offended by the presumption that i must not be a real<\/em> pastor, or a real Christian\u2013i traced the beginning of this uncomfortable scene back\u00a0to some parenting advice she gave me, based upon a ministry whose foundations i find utterly backward. If i keep taking my kids there, I will forever be wondering\u2026did she learn this in med school? Or from her morning drive radio program?<\/p>\n Let me also say that I love some people who love Dobson and all that loving him implies. I long ago made peace with the fact that i\u00a0can have relationships with friends and family members who deeply disagree with me on these fundamental issues. But that\u2019s a different kind of relationship. The patient-doctor relationship has some different boundaries and therefore, in my mind, does not have as much room for grace in this kind of disagreement.\u00a0 I will not be sitting down to share a meal with my doctor. My kids will not be playing with her kids, I will not be visiting her in the hospital if she\u2019s sick, or going to her children\u2019s weddings, or inviting her to my birthday party. So no, she does not get to \u201cenjoy hearing my opinions,\u201d\u00a0or help raise my kids, or ask if i\u2019m sure i\u2019m really a Christian.<\/p>\n Maybe that is narrow or short-sighted of me. But the thought of being braced for this conversation and this internal battle every time we go to the doctor just wears me out. And let me tell you, with 2 healthy and growing kids, I don\u2019t need a doctor to tell me that i should eliminate unnecessary stress from my life\u2026<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" …not only was I deeply offended by the presumption that i must not be a real pastor, or a real Christian–i traced the beginning of this uncomfortable scene back to some parenting advice she gave me, based upon a ministry whose foundations i find utterly backward. If i keep taking my kids there, I will forever be wondering…did she learn this in med school? Or from her morning drive radio program? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1154,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[115,116,117,9,10],"class_list":["post-103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-children","tag-choosing-a-doctor","tag-parenting","tag-progressive-christianity","tag-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\n