{"id":3856,"date":"2015-08-20T09:02:37","date_gmt":"2015-08-20T16:02:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/irreverin\/?p=3856"},"modified":"2015-08-20T09:08:23","modified_gmt":"2015-08-20T16:08:23","slug":"thenakedtruthaboutdresscodes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/irreverin\/2015\/08\/thenakedtruthaboutdresscodes\/","title":{"rendered":"The Naked Truth About Dress Codes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Women\u2019s bodies sure are\u00a0controversial these days.<\/p>\n

And not just\u00a0in the political\/ideological sense regarding reproductive rights and healthcare. I mean just\u2013there is\u00a0fundamentally\u00a0<\/em>something offensive and confusing about curves, cleavage and knees. And I guess now, bones.<\/p>\n

A girl at a Kentucky High School was sent home for wearing a top that was very, very revealing\u2026\u00a0of her collar bones.\u00a0<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0The Missouri Legislature<\/a> figured that maybe a stricter dress code would cut down on sexual harassment claims among young interns.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0And Donald Trump<\/a> is still the front-runner in the Republican GOP race\u2026 in spite of a well-documented history of misogyny, sexism, and just all around oafishness. (Yes, that\u2019s a word. Look it up in the dictionary and it will appear next to an image of a ridiculous toupee.)\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Listen. About women\u2019s bodies. We have them. They\u2019re a thing. A body is not, like Santa Clause, something that you can choose to acknowledge as reality, or not. A body is not like a tax law, to be voted yes or no upon. All this controversy is confounding. Our bodies exist. We walk around in them. We are kind of attached to them.<\/p>\n

How other people choose to act in proximity of a breast is distinctly not our problem.<\/p>\n

\"10-32-18-618_640<\/a><\/p>\n

Yes, there are appropriate ways to dress for a professional setting; yes, there certain things should probably not be worn to school. But since those boundaries are ambiguous and situational, the people in charge of defining them often err on the side of JUST COVER IT UP, GIRLS, AND MAKE IT EASIER FOR US.<\/p>\n

But\u00a0that approach implies a couple of things that are problematic for\u00a0both men and women. Like that men are animals who cannot control their urge to hump every lamp post that looks like a woman\u2019s leg. I have not found this to be true of (most) men, and it is pretty insulting to (most) of their intelligence that I might need to wear a burka so that they can focus on their math homework or whatever.<\/p>\n

Furthermore, the implication that women need to hide their business in order to DO business, is the very heart of rape culture. Every time we tell a girl\u2013I don\u2019t care how old she is\u2013that it\u2019s her responsibility to dress modestly so that she does not \u2018tempt\u2019 a boy to behave badly, then we reinforce the notion that a man is entitled to an opinion on her body. Which points to the nearby truth that a man is entitled articulate that opinion via inappropriate comments (exhibit Trump, y\u2019all); which is a very close neighbor to the assumption that men are entitled to women\u2019s bodies<\/em>.<\/p>\n

And we are frighteningly aware: that last part is more than implied<\/em>\u00a0in our cultural reality.<\/p>\n

As a woman, I struggle to dress myself: to find that balance between function and fashion; between what is comfortable and what is \u2018grown-up\u2019 work clothes; what is flattering and what is going to draw unwanted comments from the peanut gallery. It is way more complicated than it needs to be.<\/p>\n

As a mother of a daughter, I also struggle to find, and model, good boundaries. I see girls walking to high school in shorts-that-are-really-denim-panties, and I think,\u00a0oh, HELL no, my kid would not be let out of the house in that.\u00a0<\/em>My inner Tim Gunn regularly shouts LEGGINGS AREN\u2019T PANTS. And I fight the urge to approach women wearing 4-inch stilettos and say, \u201cSister. You are ruining your feet. And who\u2019s it for?\u201d If they said \u201cI wear them for ME, because they make me feel beautiful and strong!\u201d then I would say, ok-then. (But I may or may not believe them because there is no \u201cfor me\u201d in that kind of misery, girls).<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s the thing. I\u2019m not the boss of other people\u2019s feet. Or legs or ass cheeks, for that matter.<\/p>\n

Having good boundaries for ourselves, expecting professionalism in the workplace, and even wanting to teach our\u00a0daughters about modesty and GOOD TASTE for heaven\u2019s sake, is not the same thing as policing women\u2019s bodies in official, systemic ways.<\/p>\n

So what we need to do is change the conversation.<\/p>\n

When the time comes for me to say, \u201cno ma\u2019am, you are not wearing those shorts to school,\u201d it will not have anything to do with boys. It will not be \u201cbecause you are \u201casking for it,'\u201d or \u201cbecause they will say bad things to you,\u201d or \u201cBecause you look like trashy.\u201d It will be because I want for HER to value herself for more than just the skin she\u2019s in. I want her to understand that her body belongs to her, and that some parts of it are not to be shared with the public at large. Not because the parts are shameful<\/em>, but because maybe it makes you forget\u2013especially when you are young\u2013that the world around you is not entitled to ALL of you. Also, I maybe a little bit want her to avoid being tacky. Just a mother\u2019s dream\u2026<\/p>\n

But mostly, I want her to think about how she presents herself to the world, as the whole and unique person she is, and not just as a body\u2013or the parts of the body that draw the most attention. And I want her to be aware of how patriarchy has \u201cdressed\u201d women, forever\u2013even when it feels like we are making our own choices.<\/p>\n

Believe it or not, I\u2019m hopeful. Because there\u2019s evidence, even in the examples I started with ^^, that this conversation is shifting.<\/p>\n

In Woodford County\u2026that student\u2019s\u00a0mother has started a movement; and the school is now reassessing it\u2019s Draconian standards<\/a>,\u00a0with a group of students\u00a0<\/em>serving as leaders in the conversation.<\/p>\n

The Missouri Legislature has reconsidered its proposal as well<\/a>. They figured that perhaps instead of putting the female interns in HASMAT suits, what we need to do is expect that these Grown-Ass Men\u2013who are elected officials\u2013should maybe learn to keep it in their pants.<\/p>\n

And when Donald Trump\u00a0said that Heidi Klum was no longer a \u201910\u2019\u2013in a really grotesque display of that whole entitlement thing because WHOTF ASKED HIM?? \u2013she shot back with a great video, and ultimately, this response<\/a>: ALL WOMEN ARE TENS.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d call this progress. Slow but steady.<\/p>\n

Wear what you want, ladies. Let your inner Tim Gunn be your guide. And fellas, thank you in advance for carrying on as though you have not been utterly discombobulated by our amazing goddess bodies. You are smarter and kinder and far more civilized than Mr. Trump would have us believe\u2026<\/p>\n

If you\u2019d tell him so, we would appreciate it. And also, don\u2019t vote for him. Just\u2026 don\u2019t be that guy.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Women\u2019s bodies sure are\u00a0controversial these days. And not just\u00a0in the political\/ideological sense regarding reproductive rights and healthcare. I mean just\u2013there is\u00a0fundamentally\u00a0something offensive and confusing about curves, cleavage and knees. And I guess now, bones. A girl at a Kentucky High School was sent home for wearing a top that was very, very revealing\u2026\u00a0of her collar […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1154,"featured_media":3857,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1105,56],"tags":[1101,1100,159,1102,1104,9,10,1103],"class_list":["post-3856","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-a-good-week-for-progress","category-spirituality-in-culture","tag-donald-trump-sexist","tag-dress-codes","tag-feminism","tag-heidi-klum","tag-patriarchy","tag-progressive-christianity","tag-spirituality","tag-tim-gunn"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Naked Truth About Dress Codes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Women's bodies sure are\u00a0controversial these days. And not just\u00a0in the political\/ideological sense regarding reproductive rights and healthcare. 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