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<\/a><\/p>\nAs a mother of a son, I am horrified that we have adopted this sentiment as a perfectly acceptable social norm. Normalized to the point that the message can be mass-produced for \u00a0display on one\u2019s body or car. \u00a0The implication is clear: it is somehow laughable, even laudable, for a man to guard his daughter\u2019s purity in a fight to the death with a male suitor. If my son breaks up with your daughter and hurts her feelings\u2014even if he is a jerk, which I hope to the good Lord we are raising him not to be\u2014am I to assume it is your right, even duty, to shoot him dead?<\/p>\n
What about if his physical relationship with your daughter progresses past the point you feel is acceptable\/appropriate? The penalty for second base is death? Or is second base just a shot in the foot, and maybe rounding third is when you get the deadly cap to the head?<\/p>\n
Oh, and what if your daughter is a lesbian? Does her girlfriend get the same threat\/promise of violence? Or is she rendered harmless by her lack of penis? And I don\u2019t even want to ask what would happen to your son\u2019s boyfriend, if he happened to be gay\u2026 I\u2019m guessing you would make a whole new set of jokes and t-shirts, about how perhaps you could kill the son and his date with the same bullet. Thereby saving on precious ammo. Am I close?<\/p>\n
Anyway. It is an appalling line of reasoning, any way you shake (or shoot) it. And I am done accepting any of it as \u201cjust a joke.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u2019m working on a book project about progressive family values, and I find the value of non-violence to be one of the most difficult to make tangible. It is so ingrained into the fabric of our lives, we scarcely even notice when someone has a gun pointed at the heads of our children. And yet, there it is. On my neighbor\u2019s bumper sticker, or your brother-in-law\u2019s hoodie. And it\u2019s HILARIOUS.<\/p>\n
Any time we make a joke like this\u2014or laugh when someone else does\u2014we perpetuate a deeply rooted cycle that has become as American as the sitcom laugh track. Addressing that rhetoric is only one small layer of the larger issue of gun control\u2026 but it is one small nuance that, maybe, we can begin to insist on observing in polite company.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile \u2013 I have a daughter too. Am I going to get all mama bear on the first boy that treats her badly? You bet. But I\u2019m sure not going to send her daddy after him with a Timber Classic. And implying that I might is as unfair to her as it is to the poor hypothetical boy we just chased down the driveway.<\/p>\n
Beyond the obvious desire to model non-violence in my home, I also try to teach my kids (both kids) empowerment when it comes to their bodies. And the daddy-with-shotgun image does not exactly scream \u201cYou are an independent woman empowered to make her own decisions about her body.\u201d On the contrary, it says \u201cyou are a helpless waif of a thing, and aren\u2019t you lucky your daddy is home?\u201d Gross.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a better way, folks. If you want to protect your daughters\u2014and your sons, for that matter\u2013 start young, with the following:<\/p>\n
-Create a climate of trust, not control. <\/em><\/strong>Which would you rather your teenager say to her new boyfriend: a) \u201cI can\u2019t wait for you to come home and meet my parents\u201d or b) \u201cI\u2019m going to have to sneak out to meet you at that party because my dad will kill you and my mom will kill me?\u201d You do the math.<\/p>\n\u2013Teach boundaries and consent. <\/em><\/strong>It is ok to refuse a hug<\/em>. No means no<\/em>. Repeat.<\/p>\n\u2013Let friends come over, often. <\/em><\/strong>Create the expectation that you will know the people your kids spend time with.<\/p>\n\u2013Talk about hard things. <\/em><\/strong>Sex, death, math homework, bullies, you name it. If you can get comfortable talking about that which is scary or confounding to your kids, then they will get comfortable with you as a source of comfort and information. And while you\u2019re at it,<\/p>\n\u2013Take the shame out of sex. <\/em><\/strong>We could have a whole other conversation about how we talk to kids about sex\u2014and believe me, I would defer to someone more qualified to write it\u2014but the bottom line, for this moment, is that there is nothing wrong or sinful about desire; our bodies are not the enemy; and everyone, regardless of their gender, is responsible for making healthy, informed decisions FOR THEMSELVES. Mom and dad can\u2019t do it for you. With or without a weapon. Meanwhile, you do hope for your children to have a healthy sex life at an age appropriate time in his\/her life. Threatening to murder\u00a0the first viable prospect JUST MIGHT have some long term psychological effects, #imjustsayin<\/p>\n\u2013Emphasize self-worth. <\/em><\/strong>Model it, build it, nurture it. In a thousand little ways, we can remind our kids that they are more than their successes and failures that they are loved and worthy no matter what; and that anybody who doesn\u2019t treat them well does not deserve to be around them<\/em>. A healthy sense of self is a more powerful tool than any shot gun, anywhere. And you can take that to the bank.<\/p>\n\u2013Articulate love.<\/em><\/strong> Deep down, the whole \u201cDad with a Gun\u201d thing is really just a warped desire to say \u201cDaughter: I love you more than my own life, more than my own freedom, more than I ever thought was possible. And I would do anything to protect you.\u201d You know what? That is a lovely message. USE YOUR WORDS. You do not have to aim a shot gun at some poor boy\u2019s head to get that memo across, thanks.<\/p>\nAbove all, remember that parenting may get trickier when kids start having hormones and ALL THE FEELINGS, but the journey sure doesn\u2019t begin there. We have their whole childhood to prepare them for the navigation of romantic relationships. Parenting also does not end when they turn 18 (so I\u2019m told). Someday, they will be out there in the world without us, and we can only hope that they know how to protect themselves from more than just a bad date. Or a bad date and her daddy, who\u2019s packing.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s the oldest joke in our cultural lexicon: the father, casually cleaning his shotgun on the front porch as the daughter\u2019s date comes to the door. Drop any variation of that scenario into a sit-com, meme or conversation, and you\u2019ve got an instant LoL. A shared experience that some people will even say they\u2019ve experienced […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1154,"featured_media":3952,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1131,1132,105,947,9],"class_list":["post-3951","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-dad-with-gun","tag-dating","tag-ministry","tag-nra","tag-progressive-christianity"],"yoast_head":"\n
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