{"id":4386,"date":"2016-06-09T12:07:31","date_gmt":"2016-06-09T19:07:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/irreverin\/?p=4386"},"modified":"2016-06-09T12:08:52","modified_gmt":"2016-06-09T19:08:52","slug":"running-while-female","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/irreverin\/2016\/06\/running-while-female\/","title":{"rendered":"Running While Female: A Survivor’s Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

The story of Brock Turner<\/a> has rape culture on everyone\u2019s minds this week\u2013but that story is just one of many, reminding us that sexual assault is a chronic, destructive reality for women in this country.\u00a0We can\u2019t stop talking about it once this latest instance cycles out of\u00a0the trending newsfeed. I\u2019m so grateful to my friend and colleague Robyn Bles for bravely sharing her\u00a0story.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat were you thinking running in that bad neighborhood?\u201d\u00a0 The police officer asked me.<\/p>\n

I blinked.\u00a0 What was I thinking?<\/p>\n

As I stood in the lobby of the Catholic retreat center being interviewed by the officer, I wondered the same thing.<\/p>\n

I was presenting at a church conference.\u00a0 Knowing there would be a full day of meetings, I thought a morning run would do my body and spirit some good.<\/p>\n

I was thinking of all the rules I knew to keep myself safe when running while\u00a0female in an unfamiliar city.\u00a0 I kept to the busy roads.\u00a0 I stayed within the illumination of the street lights.\u00a0 I wore bright colors so cars would see me.\u00a0 I had\u00a0information\u00a0attached to my shoe so I could be identified if\u00a0something happened to me.\u00a0 I even left my headphones in my room so I would be more alert to my surroundings.\u00a0 I kept my route simple so as not to get lost.<\/p>\n

But my\u00a0simple out-and-back route needed some livening up. \u00a0So I crossed to the other side of the street as I headed back to the retreat center, thinking I\u2019d get a slightly different view for my return trip. As I stepped onto the sidewalk something hit me. Falling backwards and cracking my head on the sidewalk, I blacked out momentarily only to come to as I was being dragged behind a building.<\/p>\n

I thought, \u201cDid someone just punch me in the face?\u00a0 Wait, where did he come from \u2013 I didn\u2019t see anyone on the sidewalk?\u201d<\/p>\n

And then something else hit me \u2013 the faces of the many women I had sheltered in my work with Crisis and Domestic Violence Shelters.\u00a0 As I struggled to catch up to what was happening, and where this strange man was dragging me, I thought \u201cOh, this is what they felt like.\u00a0 This is the fear and utter helplessness all those women felt as they were assaulted and raped.\u201d<\/p>\n

As my mind tried to protect myself from what was inevitably going to happen to my body, I started to see the situation as if I was floating above it all.\u00a0 I was about to be violently inducted into a club of every woman\u2019s worst nightmare\u2013what I had heard throughout my whole life was very likely to happen to me and countless other women.<\/p>\n

Thankfully, that\u2019s when the Holy Spirit decided to smack me in the face and scream, \u201cDon\u2019t just sit there and wait for it.\u00a0 Don\u2019t accept this lie of inescapable female victimhood.\u00a0Get back down there and FIGHT LIKE HELL!\u201d<\/p>\n

When the Holy Spirit swears, you listen.<\/p>\n

\"via
via Pixabay<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

And she swore on that cold, dark morning in San Antonio. I joined her in swearing again the other day as I read the brave, honest words <\/a>of the woman who survived the sexual assault of the Stanford attacker.<\/p>\n

As I read her words \u201cI don\u2019t want my body anymore. I was terrified of it,\u201d I again painfully felt my own attacker\u2019s grabs and punches.\u00a0 I heard the accusations in the police officer\u2019s questioning of why I would choose to run down such an unsafe neighborhood, as if somehow running while female qualified me as a target for assault?\u00a0 That somehow being born female rendered me less safe, an easy target for violence and catcalls. \u00a0(I even heard one police officer in a long-ago self defense class instruct all the women to not wear their hair in ponytails \u2013 that attackers look for this so they have an easy \u201chandle\u201d to use against you).<\/p>\n

When self-defense classes are normative practice for women in our culture, and even the way we style our hair can be used to harm us, we instinctively learn that rape, violence, sexual assault is not a matter of \u201cif,\u201d but \u201cwhen.\u201d\u00a0 We learn that our bodies are something to be feared, that\u00a0it\u2019s only a matter of time before someone abuses it.<\/p>\n

This is rape culture.<\/p>\n

This is the world we live in.<\/p>\n

The Stanford\u00a0survivor continues in her letter, describing how she learned the details of her attack from a newspaper article \u2013 a newspaper article <\/i>\u2013 she says. \u201cAnd then, at the bottom of the article, after I learned about the graphic details of my own sexual assault, the article listed his swimming times\u2026. By the way, he\u2019s really good at swimming. Throw in my mile time if that\u2019s what we\u2019re doing. I\u2019m good at cooking, put that in there, I think the end is where you list your extracurriculars to cancel out all the sickening things that\u2019ve happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

I sadly know this part of the story, too.\u00a0 After listening to the holy instructions I started fighting and<\/i> thinking.\u00a0 Knowing San Antonio is a deeply Catholic city I started pleading with my attacker to stop, \u201cplease, I\u2019m a minister,\u201d hoping that somewhere inside this person, an aspect of social religion might resonate and help him to see my humanity.\u00a0 That if he knew more about me, the whole person, his own hate-filled desire to control and harm my body might\u00a0stop.<\/p>\n

The Stanford attacker\u2019s lawyers tried to humanize him, hoping the jury would see him as more than his heinous actions.\u00a0 To understand that this person is somehow more than his blatant disregard for the woman he so violently used for his own purpose. And I realized that\u2019s the heart of the problem.<\/p>\n

Being born female means you don\u2019t get the luxury of immediate humanity.\u00a0 It\u2019s not just assumed that you\u2019re a whole person. First, you\u2019re a body; a body that must be controlled through fear and violence.<\/p>\n

Therefore, being a feminist means constantly\u00a0fighting to be seen as a whole person \u2013 body, mind, and spirit. A\u00a0whole body, constantly\u00a0referencing\u00a0hobbies and talents as proof\u00a0that you are in fact a full human. As this recently publicized story of something that happens far too often reveals, men are humanized \u2013and women are victims.<\/p>\n

When my ordination didn\u2019t serve as a shield invoking the fear of God in him, I recognized that\u00a0my faith doesn\u2019t make me more worthy of protection.\u00a0 We\u2019re all worthy of security and wholeness.<\/p>\n

As I fought my own attacker I screamed, \u201cI\u2019m a child of God; you\u2019re a child of God. Don\u2019t. Do. This.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t the Christian version of an after-school-special.\u00a0 I don\u2019t think my desperate Godly plea saved me from further physical harm.\u00a0 I think it was a matter of dumb luck that he dropped one of my arms to reach in his pocket\u2013 for God knows what\u2013and I was finally able to free my second arm from his death grip.\u00a0 As I scrambled for the \u201csafety\u201d of the morning traffic, he didn\u2019t follow.\u00a0 I stumbled and sobbed down the road, turning around to see him picking up the hat and gloves that had flown off my body from his initial punch and drag.<\/p>\n

Like the articulate survivor of the Stanford attacker, I didn\u2019t get the opportunity to be a full human.\u00a0 Yes, she and I are sadly part of a large club of women who have been sexually assaulted.\u00a0 And sadder still, more and more women are violently inducted into this club every minute of every day.<\/p>\n

As she bravely shared her story, I thought how long it has taken me to be able to share my own.\u00a0 And that\u2019s the other part of this violence that makes me and the Holy Spirit just swear like saucy effing sailors!\u00a0 If what happened to us wasn\u2019t enough of a violation, the shroud of shame that then engulfs us as we try to live our lives and possibly share our stories is only further sealed by the perpetuation\u00a0of rape\u00a0culture.\u00a0 It comes in the accusatory questions of the police officer.\u00a0 It shows up in the gentle warnings of \u201cdon\u2019t go out after dark.\u201d\u00a0 It echoes in the minds of our youth when girls have to spend more time worrying about the width of their tank top\u00a0straps than\u00a0their school work.\u00a0 That silence is subtly sealed, over and over again, by a thousand daily statements saying girls are not good enough. And boys\u2026well, they\u2019ll just be boys.<\/p>\n

And so, like my brave survivor sister, I\u2019m standing with her and swearing\u2013promising\u2013along with the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 To all the women out there, you are a child of God.\u00a0 You are worthy, loved, and valuable beyond measure.\u00a0 Speak your truth.\u00a0 Share your story.\u00a0 Wear your tank top and sport your ponytail.\u00a0 And most of all, support one another as we fight to be seen and understood as the equally wonderful creations we are. Because as we run through life as female, we need one another.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Rev. Robyn Bles serves with the good people of West Des Moines Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in West Des Moines, IA.\u00a0 She thinks the Midwest is the greatest place people don\u2019t yet know about; and discussing faith, food, and footwear are the foundation for any good conversation.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"robyn<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The story of Brock Turner has rape culture on everyone\u2019s minds this week\u2013but that story is just one of many, reminding us that sexual assault is a chronic, destructive reality for women in this country.\u00a0We can\u2019t stop talking about it once this latest instance cycles out of\u00a0the trending newsfeed. I\u2019m so grateful to my friend […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1154,"featured_media":4387,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[65],"tags":[1270,159,9,1036,1275,1273,10,1274],"class_list":["post-4386","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-being-a-person","tag-brock-turner","tag-feminism","tag-progressive-christianity","tag-rape-culture","tag-running","tag-sexual-assault","tag-spirituality","tag-survivor"],"yoast_head":"\nRunning While Female: A Survivor's Story<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The story of Brock Turner has rape culture on everyone's minds this week--but that story is just one of many, reminding us that sexual assault is a\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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