At some point, I got out my phone to take pictures. And you know what my 8-year-old said? \u201cYou should take a video and put it on YouTube!\u201d<\/p>\n
It is worth noting that I have never posted anything to YouTube in my life. I\u2019m sure I could figure it out if I needed to, but it\u2019s not like this a part of my kids\u2019 daily experience.\u00a0They love to watch crazy cat videos as much as anyone, but that is pretty much the extent of their usage.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve also noticed lately that when I take pictures of them, they often say \u201cyou should put that on Facebook!\u201d They are 6 and 8. They do not have Facebook accounts, nor do they really know how it works or who sees what on there.\u00a0They just know that sometimes their picture goes on there. And people \u2018like\u2019 it.<\/p>\n
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I\u2019ve always carefully navigated what I share about my kids, and where is share it. I almost never mention them in sermons\u2013because a wise mentor once told me that if you quote your children in your preaching, they will learn to edit themselves at the dinner table. Believe me, that stuck. Hard. I\u2019ve carried that awareness into other parts of life and parenting.\u00a0You\u2019ll notice, for one thing, that I rarely use their names on this blog, and rarely post their pictures. That\u2019s mostly a safety thing, but it is also about their privacy.<\/p>\n
I just wrote a book about family values, and even there\u2013as I constantly drew on life with my kids\u2013I was very discerning about what I shared. I frequently cringe at what other writers share about their kids\u2013and even what some of my own friends post on social media.\u00a0We are the first generation of parents to have to navigate this particular world with our children, and I\u2019m sure none of us gets it right all the time. But a measure of mindfulness is crucial. Some people will\u00a0post anything, never once thinking that in a few years their kids will have accounts of their own and be able to see what mom and dad were saying about them when they were potty training; or enduring the awkward tween years.<\/p>\n
As careful as I\u2019ve been, my kids have clearly picked up on at least one negative aspect of the media experience that I had hoped I could shield them from\u2026 that \u201calways watched\u201d phenomenon that I so struggle with myself. That sense\u00a0of \u201cwho\u00a0else can I invite into this moment\u201d that can break into even the most perfect and chill of Friday nights. Why do we do that? How did we get so over-shared that even our children pick up on the broader audience potential of every waking moment?<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t really have an answer. But the question of how we got here is not as critical as the question of how we walk through this new wide-open and exposed landscape with our kids as they grow. In a way, it is human nature to want others to bear witness to our lives\u2013shared experience is meaningful experience. It\u2019s natural that we want to draw a community into moments that feel important. But at some point, thinking about the community that we want to draw into a moment, effectively takes us out of the moment. What I hope to learn, for my children, is the healthy way to be here, now; and maybe share later. Maybe.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, it is clear that our kids are affected by social media culture long before they have accounts of their own. What\u2019s critical is that we empower them with the narrative of their own lives, and not just make it an extension of our own.<\/p>\n