So then she went on to share why she hadn\u2019t been to church in so long.\u00a0 When her sister came out, she said, the church handled it badly. So she never went back.<\/p>\n
![\"door-2664419_640\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/333\/2017\/10\/door-2664419_640.jpg\")
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It\u2019s a short story. A simple one. But do you know how common\u00a0it is? I\u2019ve heard it a hundred times. By \u201ccommon,\u201d I don\u2019t mean \u201cno big deal.\u201d On the contrary, I find the frequency of this narrative appalling, heartbreaking, and inexcusable. But I also find it totally unsurprising. In fact, I\u2019ve come to expect that at least one person in each new member class is here for precisely that reason\u2013 they, or someone they love, is LGBT. They found that the church they\u2019d known and trusted all their lives could not, in the end, stand with them in this real and raw place of being authentic to themselves; and they never went back.<\/p>\n
Do you know how hard it is to venture out there and try again, once you\u2019ve been burned? Once the people who raised you in the faith turn out to\u00a0be faithless; once you find they lack the courage to love and show mercy to one of their own, let alone a stranger\u2026 honestly, where do you go from there? The answer, for too many people is: right out the door.<\/p>\n
In some ways, I want to be like, Fine! More great people for us!<\/em> Because most of the folks in my church have a story like this, in one way or another. I figure every time some other church trips on the weight of its misguided moral conviction, it\u2019s another round of new member classes for us. Score!<\/p>\n But. It is not that simple. Because for every new member it means for us, there is real grief, real betrayal, and a trail of broken relationships. Not to mention, for every person that finds their way to an open community for healing, there are ten\u2013maybe a hundred\u2013who never bother going back. Who abandon their faith for all time, writing it off as a sham. They might find healing in other ways, they might build another kind of community over time\u2013but the whole God thing is over for them. In that first moment of rejection the whole thing falls apart, never to be made whole again in this world.<\/p>\n I always worry that it\u2019s asking too much of people, to share a part of their faith journey with relative strangers. I am clear to \u201cshare what you want\/are comfortable sharing,\u201d but it still feels like a vulnerable place that I\u2019m asking people to step into. Because the truth is, lots of people have been hurt by the churches and faith leaders of their past. Often, that\u2019s why they are here.\u00a0 But I find, too, that people are hungry for the invitation. For the freedom to name the door that was closed in their face, and to voice the hope that, maybe now, they\u2019ve found one that will be open.<\/p>\n We heard and held her story. It was rough and it was raw, but it was a truth that needed telling. The story of church judgement and shame is as old as the gospel itself, and if we\u2019re going to do the work of restoration, we have to bear witness to the pain of it. I am grateful that she was brave enough to give us a chance; I hope we did right by her; and I am always overwhelmed by what a gift it is to be trusted with people\u2019s stories.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Yesterday, a young woman walked into my office for new member class. I\u2019d never met her before. Usually, folks who show up for this class have already been to church a few times and I\u2019ve at least crossed paths and been introduced to them. But she was brand new. In this class\u2013which I call a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1154,"featured_media":5169,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[65],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-being-a-person"],"yoast_head":"\n