\u201c<\/em>Oh, that\u2019s wonderful!\u201d<\/p>\n And you know,\u00a0most people really, truly mean it. Once they get over the initial shock, that is.\u00a0Most people get that him quitting a job he does not enjoy makes alot more sense than me leaving one that is a big part of who I am. Many people get that having multiple children and 2 working parents is a constant balancing act for which not all of us are equipped. Alot of folks truly appreciate a man who is willing to take on the full-time parenting role, embracing the counter-cultural, so that his wife may better function in both career and family.<\/p>\n Have you noticed that Tide has a commercial where the little girl is helping her dad fold the laundry? \u201cYes,\u201d he says, \u201cwe\u2019ll play ponies, as soon as we finish foldsies.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0IKEA shows a man in the kitchen baking cupcakes for the kids\u2019 school function. Without a woman hovering over his inept, clueless shoulder. <\/em>These are exciting times, people. It has only taken a few millenia, but popular culture is beginning to catch up with the real world a little bit. In fact, an increasing number\u00a0of men have been embracing the vocational dad gig for awhile now.\u00a0In some cases, this has to do with economic necessity. In others families, like\u00a0my own, it is more about what makes good sense for your time, your resources, and your sanity.\u00a0\u00a0And blessedly, even dads who function as primary wage-earners are alot more involved in the diaper-changing, teacher-meeting, and bow-tying than their grandfathers\u00a0or even fathers were. Times are a-changing.<\/p>\n But really, the stay home dad is still\u00a0alot like the woman minister. People look at you as if to say\u2013well, and sometimes they even say aloud\u2013I knew\u00a0you existed, but i never actually SAW one before<\/em>. As though you were a rare jungle bird come to visit the desert.<\/p>\n For the most part, people mean no harm. I say for the most part because, well, there will always be the Mark Driscolls, the James Dobsons, the Dr Lauras of the world who cling to rigid gender roles like drowning people to a life raft; who quote scripture all day long telling you what Jesus meant for \u201creal women\u201d and \u201creal men\u201d to do with their time; who blame the break-down of the nuclear family on women in the workplace (hello, 1970) and, you know,\u00a0the gays.<\/p>\n Of course,\u00a0the break down of the American family IS,\u00a0in part, a result of women going to work. But, as\u00a0a wise\u00a0man once said,\u00a0it isn\u2019t the women\u2019s fault. It\u2019s on the men who don\u2019t know how to deal<\/em> with women working; that man who doesn\u2019t know how to cope with the woman next to him in the boardroom unless she\u2019s bringing him coffee; and that other man who can\u2019t bring himself to bathe the children or do a load of dishes, even though his wife works the same 50-hour week as he does. You know who that guy listens do? James Dobson.<\/p>\n BUT\u2026i digress. This is not a litany on the misogyny of the American workplace\/church\/culture. I\u2019ll have that rant another day. This is\u00a0a sign of life that, more and more, people are actually doing what works for their families<\/em>, and not letting an invisible radio preacher, a commercial, or the Fortune 500 dictate what is \u201cright\u201d or \u201cnormal.\u201d<\/p>\n The result? Healthier, happier families. Women who stay home with their children because they want to, not because they had no other choices. Men who parent full-time\u00a0and empower\u00a0their wives in the work place. Or men who work and still nurture and care for their children. Women who work and have better, more just family leave packages, because their male co-workers and bosses\u2013guess what?\u2013have kids at home to. Same-sex couples who raise children together and\u00a0enjoy healthcare benefits and tax breaks, whether both partners are working or not\u2026<\/p>\n OK, I\u2019m getting ahead of myself in this utopian frame. But the blessed evolution is still taking place, little by little. And in its becoming, I think it fair to point out that men who stay at home with children are not simply substitute mothers.\u00a0 Vocational or single dads are not sad proxys for the mother\u00a0who is not around. Or \u201cMr Moms,\u201d as they are called by some of those folks who mean no harm (and, some who do plenty of harm). Men as parents\u2013whether they are home all day or coming in after work\u2013have their own set of gifts to offer, their own brand of nurture, their own kinds of fun and wisdom to impart.<\/p>\n Case in point\u2013when i am not home, my kids are getting drum lessons from their rock star dad. They get to bang on stuff all.day.long. And while i do love a joyful noise, mama\u2019s patience for all that racket is thin. Especially after a day of work. So, rock on, drummer dad. Keep the beat. Less\u00a0calamity for me when I get home.<\/p>\n Also, I find that my husband is a much better nurse than me when the\u00a0kids are sick. It isn\u2019t that I don\u2019t care as much. He just seems to radiate a different level of empathy. He rocks a little longer, talks a little softer, hugs a little better. I mean, I do ok if he\u2019s not around, but trust me\u2026 if i was sick, i\u2019d rather have him than me.<\/p>\n There is more music when dad is home, more outside time, and more active play. And I will readily admit, the house is a heck of alot cleaner when he\u2019s been home all day than after a day of me at the healm. I think it\u2019s because his arms are so much longer than mine\u2026makes him way better at multi-tasking.<\/p>\n Dads do not somehow have to transform into women just because mom left the building\u2013whether for the day or for an hour.<\/p>\n Every family is different.\u00a0Every family should know who has gifts for what, and feel empowered to order life accordingly.\u00a0Here\u2019s lifting up the hope that, slowly but surely, the world is coming to see that we don\u2019t all fit so easily into little boxes of gender-specific talents and strengths.<\/p>\n Thanks, Tide. Thanks, Ikea. Thanks,\u00a0Modern Family <\/em>and Up All Night.<\/em>\u00a0 You make it a little easier\u2013not to mention more hilarious\u2013\u00a0when people look at my family like we\u2019re the rare birds that we are\u2026<\/p>\n
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