![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/576\/2020\/05\/32990910381_717f8c1235_k.jpg\")
<\/a>So, what is a person to do? Where people feel threatened, they attempt to attain and maintain control. This response merely injects a new poison into the social system. As one group seeks to control others, a cycle of oppression and shame begins.<\/p>\n
We didn\u2019t kiss shame goodbye<\/span><\/h1>\nA clip from the documentary \u201cI Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye<\/a>\u201d illustrates the point and even reminds me of some tactics used in some conservative Muslim cultures.<\/p>\nJoshua Harris interviews a man, Curtis, who grew up far outside of Christian church culture. One evening Curtis was rebuked by a friend who claimed that Curtis had too long of a conversation with a certain young woman in the church. The friend admonished Curtis to \u201cguard her heart.\u201d The concept sounded strange to him, but, apparently, talking to her for so long was not guarding her heart.<\/p>\n
Curtis later saw how far people took this notion. Upon entering a gathering of believers, he noticed all the women were on one side of the room while all the men separated themselves on the other side. It was a throwback to something more extreme than a junior high dance. Again and again, Curtis heard people say about one another, \u201cyou have to guard her\/his heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
Curtis finally replied with Proverbs 4:23, \u201cGuard your [own] heart <\/em>with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life<\/strong>.\u201d Christian subculture sanctioned mass segregation of gender and a guarding of others\u2019 hearts not my own. Much of the onus fell on women, who were told that their bodies were \u201cstumbling blocks\u201d for men.<\/p>\nCBE International<\/a> lists 7 lies that purity culture teaches women. I\u2019ll mention two here.<\/p>\n\n- Women are responsible for men\u2019s sexual sin.<\/li>\n
- Women\u2019s bodies are something to be ashamed of.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
The CBE post<\/a> adds,<\/p>\nRather than placing the responsibility for sexual thoughts or actions on the man or boy who enacts them, purity culture places the responsibility on the woman or girl being looked at and lusted after. It\u2019s almost\u00a0as if Jesus said, \u201cIf your eye causes you to sin, go and tell the thing you\u2019re looking at to stop looking that way in front of your eye.\u201d<\/p>\n
If women\u2019s bodies are blamed for lust\u2014if the church claims that they need to be covered up for the sake of men\u2014this inevitably leads to shame.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
What does Christian subculture do to combat the threat of impurity?<\/strong> It creates rules to ensure we go nowhere near anything that might possibly resemble or remind us of impurity. But such regulations are extrabiblical and only fuel shame in those who transgress them, even though<\/em> various behaviors are not sin.<\/p>\nPurity Culture and Fundamentalist Islam<\/span><\/h1>\nTo my surprise, watching the documentary reminded me of the plight faced by many women in conservative Muslim contexts. (In reality, similar cultural dynamics exist in non-Muslim cultures, but most people are more familiar with Islamic cultures.)<\/p>\n
In such cultures, the honor of a man and a family is closely tied to a women\u2019s sexuality. A woman\u2019s body is a potential cause for shame.<\/strong> If she is judged promiscuous or even flirty, severe consequences may follow. Modesty, therefore, is a virtue stressed upon girls from a young age. This is one reason for many Muslim women wearing hijabs or burkas.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/576\/2020\/05\/muslima-muslim-woman-eyes-fashion-preview.jpg\")
<\/a>Credit: PickPik<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\nHowever, the way society might police Muslim women can become grotesque, not merely oppressive. As mentioned in a previous post<\/a>, such communities routinely perform female genital mutilation as a way to keep young girls \u201cpure.\u201d Community leaders enforce rules that ensure the extreme segregation of men and women, not only in a mosque but in every social setting.<\/p>\nIf a woman dares to challenge any number of social norms (most all of which do not appear in the Koran), the consequence could be dire. Honor killings often stem from a woman breaking customs or rules that meant to keep immorality at a far distance.<\/p>\n
In other words, a woman might not commit any lewd or explicitly prohibited command (e.g., adultery, etc.). Still, transgressing any measure put in place to \u201cguard\u201d against immorality becomes a grave offense on its own.<\/p>\n
How far is too far?<\/span><\/h1>\n
Joshua Harris interviews a man, Curtis, who grew up far outside of Christian church culture. One evening Curtis was rebuked by a friend who claimed that Curtis had too long of a conversation with a certain young woman in the church. The friend admonished Curtis to \u201cguard her heart.\u201d The concept sounded strange to him, but, apparently, talking to her for so long was not guarding her heart.<\/p>\n
Curtis later saw how far people took this notion. Upon entering a gathering of believers, he noticed all the women were on one side of the room while all the men separated themselves on the other side. It was a throwback to something more extreme than a junior high dance. Again and again, Curtis heard people say about one another, \u201cyou have to guard her\/his heart.\u201d<\/p>\n
Curtis finally replied with Proverbs 4:23, \u201cGuard your [own] heart <\/em>with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life<\/strong>.\u201d Christian subculture sanctioned mass segregation of gender and a guarding of others\u2019 hearts not my own. Much of the onus fell on women, who were told that their bodies were \u201cstumbling blocks\u201d for men.<\/p>\n CBE International<\/a> lists 7 lies that purity culture teaches women. I\u2019ll mention two here.<\/p>\n The CBE post<\/a> adds,<\/p>\n Rather than placing the responsibility for sexual thoughts or actions on the man or boy who enacts them, purity culture places the responsibility on the woman or girl being looked at and lusted after. It\u2019s almost\u00a0as if Jesus said, \u201cIf your eye causes you to sin, go and tell the thing you\u2019re looking at to stop looking that way in front of your eye.\u201d<\/p>\n If women\u2019s bodies are blamed for lust\u2014if the church claims that they need to be covered up for the sake of men\u2014this inevitably leads to shame.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n What does Christian subculture do to combat the threat of impurity?<\/strong> It creates rules to ensure we go nowhere near anything that might possibly resemble or remind us of impurity. But such regulations are extrabiblical and only fuel shame in those who transgress them, even though<\/em> various behaviors are not sin.<\/p>\n To my surprise, watching the documentary reminded me of the plight faced by many women in conservative Muslim contexts. (In reality, similar cultural dynamics exist in non-Muslim cultures, but most people are more familiar with Islamic cultures.)<\/p>\n In such cultures, the honor of a man and a family is closely tied to a women\u2019s sexuality. A woman\u2019s body is a potential cause for shame.<\/strong> If she is judged promiscuous or even flirty, severe consequences may follow. Modesty, therefore, is a virtue stressed upon girls from a young age. This is one reason for many Muslim women wearing hijabs or burkas.<\/p>\n However, the way society might police Muslim women can become grotesque, not merely oppressive. As mentioned in a previous post<\/a>, such communities routinely perform female genital mutilation as a way to keep young girls \u201cpure.\u201d Community leaders enforce rules that ensure the extreme segregation of men and women, not only in a mosque but in every social setting.<\/p>\n If a woman dares to challenge any number of social norms (most all of which do not appear in the Koran), the consequence could be dire. Honor killings often stem from a woman breaking customs or rules that meant to keep immorality at a far distance.<\/p>\n In other words, a woman might not commit any lewd or explicitly prohibited command (e.g., adultery, etc.). Still, transgressing any measure put in place to \u201cguard\u201d against immorality becomes a grave offense on its own.<\/p>\n\n
Purity Culture and Fundamentalist Islam<\/span><\/h1>\n
<\/a>How far is too far?<\/span><\/h1>\n