{"id":238,"date":"2014-10-19T22:09:00","date_gmt":"2014-10-20T04:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/janetheactuary\/2014\/10\/what-happens-when-marriage-isnt-marriage-any-longer.html"},"modified":"2015-02-26T23:14:35","modified_gmt":"2015-02-27T05:14:35","slug":"what-happens-when-marriage-isnt-marriage-any-longer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/janetheactuary\/2014\/10\/what-happens-when-marriage-isnt-marriage-any-longer.html","title":{"rendered":"What happens when marriage isn’t marriage any longer?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
Normally, I\u2019m not a fan of Tribune reporter and columnist Heidi Stevens, who seems to have a lock on the Sunday \u201cLife + Style\u201d section (formerly the \u201cSunday\u201d section, itself a descendant of the old WomanNews section and the Sunday \u201cmagazine\u201d section), but today she\u2019s really outdone herself<\/a>. \u00a0Here are some excerpts from her article today:<\/div>\n

Marriage, it seems, is at a crossroads.\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI think we\u2019ve reached a tipping point where people are asking whether marriage works for them,\u201d says Susan Pease Gadoua, licensed therapist and co-author of \u201cThe New \u2018I Do\u2019: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels\u201d (Seal Press).
. . .
If marriage isn\u2019t responsible for improving society, the institution is freed up to accomplish a more individual, deeply felt goal: namely, improving the lives of the people who enter it.\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As marriage becomes increasingly optional \u2014 no longer necessary for child-bearing, economic survival or social acceptance \u2014individuals who decide to tie the knot can approach their union as a relationship designed to, above all else, foster a happier, healthier life. And they can tailor and nurture theirs accordingly.\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cThe New \u2018I Do\u2019,\u201d which Gadoua co-authored with journalist Vicki Larson, encourages couples to individualize their marriage contracts to fit their specific needs.\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cCouples are tweaking the institution to fit their needs even if it looks pretty much like a traditional marriage from the outside,\u201d they write. \u201cSerial monogamy, blended families, open marriages, covenant marriages, commuter marriages \u2014 these variation-on-the-theme arrangements are already happening.\u201d\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

. . .\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Marriage researcher Eli Finkel, a professor of psychology at Northwestern University [says that] financial stability, parenting, socializing and day-to-day existence can certainly be helped along by a stable marriage. But because all are possible outside of marriage, Finkel says, we\u2019ve begun to view marriage as a \u201cvoyage of self-discovery.\u201d\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s about taking the time and exerting the effort to understand and discover what your partner is trying to achieve in life \u2014 and what you\u2019re trying to achieve in life \u2014 to help each other find the best versions of yourselves,\u201d he says. \u201cThese things are a lot more difficult to achieve than what we\u2019ve traditionally asked of marriage, but they\u2019re exponentially more fulfilling.\u201d\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

. . .\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

[Recommending that parents spend more time with each other, he says] \u201cIt\u2019s hard for your partner to understand the core essence of your nature and help you achieve personal growth if you\u2019re not sharing meaningful conversations and experiences.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So marriage is now (a) a means of obtaining benefits from the state, after a careful cost-benefit analysis, (b) a means of obtaining social recognition for your relationship (either in general, as a \u201ctype\u201d of \u00a0relationship, or specifically, by obliging family and friends to recognize your spouse), and (c) a vehicle for personal growth.<\/p>\n

A \u201cvoyage of self-discovery\u201d?<\/p>\n

\u201cFind[ing] the best version of yourselves\u201d?<\/p>\n

Where do we go from here? <\/p>\n

This is the worst formulation I\u2019ve seen yet \u2014 for, after all, if marriage is all about making yourself happier, how do you make it through the rough patches? \u00a0Why would you even try? <\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Normally, I\u2019m not a fan of Tribune reporter and columnist Heidi Stevens, who seems to have a lock on the Sunday \u201cLife + Style\u201d section (formerly the \u201cSunday\u201d section, itself a descendant of the old WomanNews section and the Sunday \u201cmagazine\u201d section), but today she\u2019s really outdone herself. \u00a0Here are some excerpts from her article […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[151],"class_list":["post-238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat happens when marriage isn't marriage any longer?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Normally, I'm not a fan of Tribune reporter and columnist Heidi Stevens, who seems to have a lock on the Sunday "Life + Style" section (formerly the\" 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