{"id":242,"date":"2014-10-16T09:25:00","date_gmt":"2014-10-16T15:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/janetheactuary\/2014\/10\/is-25-the-new-21.html"},"modified":"2015-02-26T23:16:14","modified_gmt":"2015-02-27T05:16:14","slug":"is-25-the-new-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/janetheactuary\/2014\/10\/is-25-the-new-21.html","title":{"rendered":"Is 25 the new 21?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

No, it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n

But the premise of an article in The Atlantic<\/a> on Wednesday is that Times Have Changed; and adolescence extends not merely until college graduation, but beyond, so that the age 26 cut-off for staying on a parent\u2019s employer\u2019s health insurance is a real, meaningful age at which a person becomes fully independent, and not before.<\/p>\n

Now, this is, as tends to be the case in these articles, a matter of the author citing her own experiences and those of her friends, upper-middle-class all (where, yes, \u201cupper middle class\u2019 extends to a fairly high income, acknowledging that \u201cwealthy\u201d is a term that we in the U.S. use sparingly, for better or for worse), all of whom are supporting their early-20s children. \u00a0Her own daughter works as a part-time editorial assistant at a magazine in San Francisco, so Mom & Dad supplement her salary \u2014 she earns $1,235 a month, with expenses of $2,000 \u2014 with cash, and paying her car insurance, health insurance, cell phone costs, student loans, \u201cand occasionally I take her clothes shopping and spring for a haircut and mani-pedi.\u201d \u00a0Her \u201cfriend\u2019s oldest child is getting help with her rent in New York City, her health insurance, her cellphone, Netflix, and other incidentals while she studies fine art.\u201d \u00a0And<\/p>\n

another friend, whose 23-year-old works for a wealth management firm and earns a mid-five-figure salary, says she and her husband still pay their daughter\u2019s car and health insurance and have kept her on the family\u2019s cell phone plan.\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cShe makes a good salary, but rent and expenses are high,\u201d the mom says, adding that her daughter\u2019s job requires that she look professional. \u201cShe has to dress well, get her nails done, and drive a reasonably nice car.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Now, she does reference some actual research, a book called \u201cAge of Opportunity\u201d by Laurence Steinberg, which claims that<\/p>\n

\u00a0today\u2019s 25-year-olds are 50 percent more likely to be receiving financial assistance from mom and dad than the 25-year-olds of their parents\u2019 generation.\u00a0<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

For twentysomethings, this is just one part of a larger phenomenon that is also marked by a growing propensity to stay in school and remain unmarried for much longer than prior generations. Adolescence, according to Steinberg, now stretches over a 15-year span, beginning at age 10 and ending around 25; that\u2019s more than twice as long as during the 1950s. This may not be a bad thing. Steinberg\u2019s research suggests that putting off adulthood can have certain benefits in terms of brain development and mental health.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Now, I will see if this book is available at the local library, and I am curious about the specifics of this \u201c50%\u201d claim \u2014 is this a long-term trend, or just pulling data from a recession year vs. a past boom year? \u00a0And what proportion of 25-year-olds are receiving financial assistance now, vs. in the past, and how much and what kinds of assistance?<\/p>\n

It doesn\u2019t seem particularly unusual to me to read about young adults \u201creceiving financial assistance,\u201d and I wouldn\u2019t be surprised if the supposed norm of \u201cgo away to college, graduate, and get a job and apartment of your own\u201d turns out not to be the norm at all. \u00a0But what does seem like a new development is the idea that your kid moves away from home and you still provide not just the in-kind assistance of free rent and food, but actual cash, much less the subsidy cited for the mid-5-figure (= 50,000?)-earning adult child. \u00a0Now, I suspect that in each of these cases, the parents had the means to be generous, and the author-mom probably enjoys the mother-daughter shopping days \u2014 this isn\u2019t an article about parents who are living paycheck to paycheck, or postponing retirement, because they have to support young adult children. \u00a0And these parents may feel that their financial support is \u201cnecessary\u201d but, in truth, it\u2019s their choice to cushion their children\u2019s transition to independence, just as in the case of students who get parental support while working at an unpaid internship, or pursuing a master\u2019s degree.<\/p>\n

In any case, the comments were the most interesting part of the article. \u00a0For the most part, they divided evenly between those who said, \u201cthese young adults need to learn how to budget; no way should you need subsidies from your parents in these situations,\u201d and those who said, \u201cthe economy has changed; it\u2019s simply not possible to establish yourself for at least a couple years after graduation in this job market,\u201d with side debates on whether you really need a car in the Bay Area or New York City. \u00a0But there was a side debate, in which people reasoned, to paraphrase, \u201cwhy should a young person who\u2019s lived their life in upper-middle-class comfort be deprived of this just because they can\u2019t find a good-paying job immediately upon graduation?\u201d <\/p>\n

And this is an interesting topic. \u00a0Growing up, my parents were fairly frugal \u2014 we had a large house, but not decked out with upscale furnishings. \u00a0Going out to eat was a rarity. \u00a0Our clothes didn\u2019t have any fancy labels on them. \u00a0Vacations were generally about visiting relatives, and our summer weekend activity was sailing, on an old sailboat that Dad maintained himself. \u00a0Moving to a college dorm, and then a grad school shared apartment didn\u2019t affect my standard of living, because it wasn\u2019t particularly fancy to begin with. \u00a0Travelling to Europe in a low-budget manner, staying at hostels, eating basic fare, walking everywhere I could because I was too cheap to spend the money on the subway, didn\u2019t bother me because I didn\u2019t have a family trip to compare it to. \u00a0Same with starting out \u201cadult\u201d life living in an apartment, then a small house (we bought very quickly \u2014 and, fortunately for us, unknowingly at the beginning of the boom, a fixer-upper with 4 layers of wallpaper from the original, 50-year owner), with furnishings bought one-at-a-time, some of them from the thrift shop or garage sales. \u00a0And at no point along the way did we have a practice of going out at night to the bars, or buying clothing that was, well, fashionable.<\/p>\n

What happens if you grow up in a different world, with an immaculately-decorated large home, with all the latest in entertainment technology, with a generous clothes allowance from mom and dad, and eat out more often than not? \u00a0Yes, we know that Mitt and Ann Romney lived in a basement apartment and ate ramen while he was in school. \u00a0And in practice the truly wealthy parents have those sort of connections that land their children well-paying jobs without that intermediate work-your-way up type job. \u00a0Come on \u2014 do you think Malia and Sasha are going to struggle to get started in life? \u00a0But I can easily see that the dynamic between parents who have given their kids \u201ceverything\u201d and young adults used to having \u201ceverything\u201d is a bit different. \u00a0Has this<\/i> changed? \u00a0Are upper-middle-class families, accustomed to enjoying luxuries and splurges, no longer willing to accept their kids \u201cstarting from scratch\u201d or no longer able to easily steer them into upper-middle-class incomes, due to \u201cfollow-your-dreams\u201d college majors and careers and, for women, the end of early marriage to reliably-employed men?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No, it\u2019s not. But the premise of an article in The Atlantic on Wednesday is that Times Have Changed; and adolescence extends not merely until college graduation, but beyond, so that the age 26 cut-off for staying on a parent\u2019s employer\u2019s health insurance is a real, meaningful age at which a person becomes fully independent, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[184],"class_list":["post-242","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-young-adulthood"],"yoast_head":"\nIs 25 the new 21?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"No, it's not.But the premise of an article in The Atlantic on Wednesday is that Times Have Changed; and adolescence extends not merely until college\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/janetheactuary\/2014\/10\/is-25-the-new-21.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Is 25 the new 21?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"No, it's not.But the premise of an article in The Atlantic on Wednesday is that Times Have Changed; 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