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Apparently, the white working class in the U.S. have a lot in common with the Dutchies.<\/p>\n
Belief that kids can find their own way in the world (as distinct from needing intensive parenting, travel sports, and the like), check.<\/p>\n
Belief that work is a means to an end, that of supporting your family, check.<\/p>\n
Belief that there are other paths towards a happy adulthood than a college degree, let alone one from Harvard, check.<\/p>\n
Belief that ever greater accumulation of high-status material goods isn\u2019t particularly important to having a satisfying life, check.<\/p>\n
Which made it very interesting to read this book, The Happiest Kids in the World, How Dutch Parents Help Their Kids by Doing Less<\/em>, by Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchinson, at the same time as Friday\u2019s White Working Class<\/a>. \u00a0The book is written by two expats, one from London and the other from California, both solid PME (that is, if you didn\u2019t read my earlier post, professional\/managerial elite) who contrast family life in the Netherlands with their experiences in the Anglosphere, and can\u2019t praise the country enough for the wonders of its culture, in terms of raising children and, well, pretty much everything else.<\/p>\n Their writing style is very personal, with each in turn telling portions of the book, about aspects of Dutch culture as they encounter it and learn about it from friends and from experts they interview. \u00a0Which is fine, I suppose, except that their gushing seems to be in part due to having very distorted expectations of what child-rearing should be like, based on their prior experiences \u2014 both of them coming from that minority of Americans that views childhood as an endless quest to move from one level of prestigious school to another, starting with the \u201cbest\u201d preschool, and adult life as one of building up your career and the number of Linkedin connections. \u00a0It\u2019s also possible that their rosy picture of Dutch families is just as distorted, coming from a narrow set of experiences and experts; if I have any Dutch readers I\u2019d love to get their perspective.<\/p>\n But here\u2019s what they have to say:<\/p>\n Dutch children are happy.<\/p>\n Not just that they show up in top spots on studies with metrics that derive \u201chappiness levels\u201d based on such things as crime rates and universality of healthcare, but that they generally appear to be well-adjusted.<\/p>\n And this is due, in part, to the fact that the primary objective, by parents and teachers alike, is for children to be happy, and, in general, to be well-adjusted and have the ability to get along with other children. \u00a0There is no homework in elementary school, and only small amounts in secondary school, and no real pressure to make it into the college-bound secondary school track (an occupation in the skilled trades is considered a perfectly respectable outcome), or to do particularly well in secondary school (as long as you pass the college entrance exam, it doesn\u2019t matter how well you did, or what your school grades were; all colleges are at the same level of rigor so there\u2019s no Ivy League equivalent which gets you a direct pipeline into the best jobs). \u00a0And of course, preschool is blissfully lacking in any sort of US-style seatwork.<\/p>\n Children are also expected to be independent at much younger ages that we\u2019re used to in the U.S., at least in the year 2017. \u00a0(Remember, this is a fairly new development in the U.S. \u2014 unless you\u2019re one of those Millennials, you probably remember having the run of the neighborhood, and maybe even being able to hang out at the Meijers oasis<\/a>\u00a0while Mom did the shopping.) \u00a0They also, since this is a cycling-obsessed country, not just in a recent uber-environmental phase, but for the past century, are expected to learn to ride their bike to school, however far it is, however many busy streets there are and however many turns the kid has to remember to not get lost \u2014 and, by the way, they don\u2019t get a pass on nasty cold or rainy days, but just have to suit up and suck it up (which the authors praise as teaching \u201cgrit\u201d but seems a bit odd; even in other places where kids are expected to be independent, I would expect them to be able to take mass transit rather than bike everywhere).<\/p>\n Dutch children, and their parents, also low-key when it comes to material possessions, as they are taught that hand-me-down clothing and toys are perfectly fine, and an inexpensive camping vacation is a great way to relax with the family. \u00a0Birthday parties are likewise simple gatherings with friends rather than expensive events orchestrated by the parents. \u00a0And the parents are very low-key about work, as they and their employers are both perfectly fine with some variation of part-time work, most commonly for mothers but also, to a lesser extent, for dads. \u00a0And overtime doesn\u2019t really exist \u2014 people leave the office at 5:00 and turn off the lights, rather than trying to impress the boss.<\/p>\n (Turns out, I had blogged about this earlier<\/a> \u2014 based on an article in the Washington Post that reads like it was written by one of these authors, as well as my own experience<\/a>. \u00a0The Dutchies did indeed go home at the end of their workday, and just shrug off any overdue work \u2014 except that I have one colleague who seems to work 24-7, replying to e-mails at the tail end of the U.S. workday, not just during the busy season but year-\u2019round.) \u00a0They also have sliding-scale, very cheap daycare, though I couldn\u2019t quite figure this out as, in one chapter, the authors describe a system of very part-time preschool programs, and later on, the childcare seems to be comprehensive and full-time, so that part-time-working moms have some \u201cme-time\u201d in addition to having their children cared for while they work. \u00a0They certainly describe childcare as being viewed very positively, as a means for kids to learn how to get along with each other.<\/p>\n Two other aspects of parenting:<\/p>\n Dutch parents are perfectly comfortable with their teens having sex, and doing so in their own homes, with \u201csleepovers\u201d of boyfriends being considered as perfectly routine and normal and \u201ccould you please pass the butter?\u201d, and, in general, with a culture in which teens are just \u201cpart of the family\u201d rather than going through some sort of \u201cdefiant\u201d phase. \u00a0And, relatedly, Dutch parents are not disciplinarians, but are known for allowing the kids to negotiate family decisions, or their own rules (e.g., bedtime, curfew), so that there\u2019s not much for kids to \u201crebel\u201d against.<\/p>\n And two further elements of Dutch culture:<\/p>\n The Dutchies are very informal, in ways that range from family meals being simple and relaxed (dinner parties don\u2019t really exist, they report, because they are not interested in impressing people with their cooking), to a lack of formality in etiquette or status-seeking in general. \u00a0There is no sense of \u201ckeeping up with the Jones,\u201d and it\u2019s frowned upon to try to appear to be better (off) than those around you.<\/p>\n And\u00a0the Dutchies have abandoned religion so comprehensively that one of the authors casually refers to her\u00a0son as thinking of the idea of sex as really very ordinary, but\u00a0really quite mystified at the very idea of religious belief.<\/p>\n