Me, not so much.\n
Periodically, I\u2019ll say that my husband was \u201cdestined to come to the U.S.\u201d (the backstory for less-than-dedicated-readers is that he came her for grad school and stuck around after we met) because, for all his Germanness, his name is a fairly familiar one to the English-speaking world, unlike the rest of his family (Wolfgang, Herbert, Detlef, Bodo, to name a few). \u00a0But do I really believe that? \u00a0If he had stayed in Germany, he would have met some nice German girl, I would have met a nice American boy \u2013 or maybe not \u2013 but (much as I love my husband and my family) I don\u2019t believe that \u201cdestiny\u201d or God brought us together. <\/p>\n
In the same way, I took a rather roundabout path career-wise, studying history in college and specializing in medieval history in grad school, before simultaneously meeting my future husband and realizing that I was just not going to make it as a future history professor. \u00a0Was it my destiny to follow this path, because it meant that I crossed paths with my future husband in grad school? \u00a0No. \u00a0It was the result of choices I made and the various influences I had, or didn\u2019t have.<\/p>\n
Final example: \u00a0we lived in Germany for two years, when my older two boys were small \u2014 when we arrived, they were two and four; when we left, four and seven. \u00a0It was a great experience, and we hope to go back again for another long stay, but more likely as empty-nesters. \u00a0As our time there was drawing to a close, we had an opportunity to extend our stay another two years. \u00a0I was pregnant with our youngest, and Germany had just introduced a new form of maternity leave that replaced a healthy portion of pay (the prior benefit was more means-tested), so the thought was that I would try to experience the German world more fully by being a \u201cstay-at-home-mom\u201d rather than working part-time, for the first time (since such infant daycare as does exist doesn\u2019t really start until age 1). \u00a0 I\u2019d go to the German mom-and-tot groups rather than the expat version I\u2019d attended with my middle son, for instance, and find ways to help out at the rare family-friendly church in the neighboring town. <\/p>\n
But the circumstances under which our \u201cdeal\u201d with the company would be extended weren\u2019t ideal, as it would now be a \u201clocal\u201d rather than \u201cexpat\u201d package. \u00a0We kept working out the numbers, trying to assess what the net impact would be. \u00a0And for quite a while, I kept trying to make it work, thinking that this pregnancy was \u201cmeant to be\u201d because it would bring me a whole new set of opportunities in Germany, and hence, the extended stay was \u201cmeant to be\u201d\/\u201dGod\u2019s plan for us.\u201d \u00a0Finally, though, I had to let go of this and recognize that it would be better for all of us to return home to the U.S.<\/p>\n
Why does this matter? \u00a0For the most part, it doesn\u2019t, really \u2014 I was just thinking about this the other day and wanted to work out my thoughts. \u00a0But I do think that, once you adopt this mindset, you can end up taking the wrong path, and miss opportunities that present themselves to you. <\/p>\n
UPDATE:\u00a0 Bonus question:\u00a0 do you believe in the power of prayer, that is, do you believe that prayers for healing, for instance, will (or might) be answered? <\/p>\n
Yeah, I struggle with this.\u00a0 Very often, people use the cop-out of \u201cI pray that God\u2019s will will be done\u201d \u2014 but if that\u2019s the case, why bother praying? \u00a0 Same thing with \u201cGod answers prayers \u2014 it\u2019s just that sometimes the answer isn\u2019t what you expect.\u201d<\/p>\n
If I believe, for instance, that God will bring about an outcome with respect to our friend\u2019s cancer battle (the cancer isn\u2019t hypothetical \u2013 he\u2019s in a clinical trial right now \u2013 just the belief) that will be the \u201cright\u201d outcome for his Divine Plan, then is there a point to praying for healing? Should we instead pray that, whatever the outcome, God provides emotional and spiritual strength to the family?<\/p>\n
Or do you believe that, given a sufficient quantity of prayer, we may win the \u201cmiracle lottery\u201d and he may be the recipient of a genuine miracle, or the minor miracle that this experimental treatment proves to be successful?\u00a0 (This is the early stages of a trial, just establishing whether the drug has potential, so we\u2019re not looking at double-blind randomized trials, where we don\u2019t know if he\u2019s got the placebo or not.)<\/p>\n
UPDATE:<\/p>\n
Thanks for the comments. \u00a0I do struggle with this. \u00a0And the news got worse today, as his wife posted that he may be booted from the clinical trial that was pretty much his only chance at beating the odds, because his cancer seems to be a different, and ineligible type. \u00a0But it\u2019s crazy, really: \u00a0I try to pray, and this nagging voice says, \u201cseveral dozen people have announced they\u2019re praying on Facebook alone; do you really think that any prayer you offer would make a difference?\u201d \u00a0Is it just another entry in the answered-prayer raffle that God is holding, boosting the odds that he picks us?<\/p>\n
Oh, and brief update on my dad (backstory for new readers: \u00a0he\u2019s 75 and lives in the Detroit ara. Back just before last Easter, he had a fall and injured his head and spent until Labor Day-ish in rehab): \u00a0he\u2019s just not doing well. \u00a0He can\u2019t focus, and the big achievement of the day is typically lunch at the Senior Center. \u00a0Mom reports periodic incidents of dementia, such as the time when he suddenly forgot that she was his wife; he didn\u2019t know where his wife was or what Mom was doing there, and she was going to have to sleep in the spare bed \u2014 and the next morning he was back to normal (well, his current \u201cnormal\u201d). \u00a0Back in December, the neurologist thought he might have something called \u201chydrocephalus\u201d \u2014 too much fluid accumulating in the brain \u2014 that would require a brain stent; I looked this up and it seemed to offer a fair amount of hope in clearing up some of these issues. \u00a0But they were scheduled to go back for an appointment mid-January, and the doctor\u2019s office called once to reschedule due to a surgery, for yesterday, then rescheduled again for a month from now.<\/p>\n
So either the doctor thinks the chances of this treatment being appropriate are slim, or the staff has this down as if it\u2019s just a regular check-up of no particular importance, or else the office truly is slammed and this is a doctor-shortage issue. \u00a0But in any case, Mom\u2019s approach (and her way of coping with the whole thing) is very passive \u2014 \u201cwe\u2019ll just wait and see.\u201d<\/p>\n
So what do you pray for<\/i>? \u00a0 For Mom to get a spine and push back at the rescheduling? For Dad to recover \u201cspontaneously\u201d, regardless of this potential diagnosis and treatment that\u2019s hanging out there? \u00a0For her to finally take to heart our encouragement that she consider moving out by us so we can help? \u00a0 Or something else? <\/p>\n
Your thoughts, as always, appreciated.<\/p><\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Originally written 1\/27) \u201cGod has a plan.\u201d \u201cIt just was\/wasn\u2019t meant to be.\u201d \u201cEverything works out for good.\u201d Do you believe that? \u00a0 Me, not so much. Periodically, I\u2019ll say that my husband was \u201cdestined to come to the U.S.\u201d (the backstory for less-than-dedicated-readers is that he came her for grad school and stuck around […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[56,57],"class_list":["post-77","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-god","tag-prayer"],"yoast_head":"\n
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