{"id":9974,"date":"2018-06-22T10:33:29","date_gmt":"2018-06-22T16:33:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/janetheactuary\/?p=9974"},"modified":"2018-06-22T10:33:29","modified_gmt":"2018-06-22T16:33:29","slug":"post-corporate-update-week-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/janetheactuary\/2018\/06\/post-corporate-update-week-3.html","title":{"rendered":"Post-corporate update, week 3"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/p>\n

As a reminder for occasional readers, I quit my job<\/a>, with my last day of work on June 1st.\u00a0 So I thought I\u2019d give readers an update on how it\u2019s working out, and do a little bit of processing-by-writing as well.<\/p>\n

In a way, it seems strange that I spent 20 years at my job before walking away \u2014 that is, the corporate world now seems very far removed.<\/p>\n

(Complaint:\u00a0 the workgroup I was in when I started made a big deal out of major service anniversaries, with the manager sending out an e-mail telling a few humorous anecdotes and thanking the person for the 10 or 20 years of hard work, and with a celebration including everyone bringing in pot-luck treats and appetizers, even though at the time the cafeteria \u2014 with donuts, bagels and toast for breakfast, a full hot lunch, chips in the afternoon, midafternoon ice cream twice a week, and self-serve sandwich fixin\u2019s starting in the mid\/late afternoon for those working late \u2014 was free at the time.\u00a0 My 20th service anniversary went by without any recognition at all, not even a few nice words at the team call, which may have had an entirely reasonable explanation but felt more like an indicator that they no longer valued long-service people unless you had climbed up the ranks and had a \u201cpartner\u201d behind your name.)<\/p>\n

Was it deeply fulfilling?\u00a0 No, not really.\u00a0 It was variable.\u00a0 There were parts that were fun, because I was learning something new and figuring things out and feeling smart.\u00a0 There were parts that were repetitive \u2014 sometimes in a good, \u201cI can get in a zone and pound through this\u201d and sometimes in a \u201cmy head is going to explode if I have to do this one more time.\u201d\u00a0 The last couple years, in December and January, I found the coordination process to be very unpleasant, tracking down who had sent us what information, keeping track of who we needed to chase, having to decide whether then answers to our questions were sufficient, deciding when to bug local folks for additional information, when to say, \u201ceh, it\u2019s probably right.\u201d\u00a0 And I was finding that things about which I\u2019d said, \u201ceh, it\u2019s probably right\u201d were getting questioned in the second level of review, whether by superiors or by peers \u2014 and in the latter case, there were instances where I wanted to say, \u201cfor crying out loud, it\u2019s not material.\u201d\u00a0 I was having fewer instances of \u201cI\u2019m in a zone, pounding through this.\u201d\u00a0 And the young whipper-snappers liked to create excel files with monstrously complex formulas but at the same time (at least in some instances) missing steps required to put the project together in the first place.<\/p>\n

Should I have left a long time ago?\u00a0 Maybe, maybe not.\u00a0 It\u2019s entirely possible that this new journey I\u2019ve embarked on ends with learning that I\u2019m just too old \u2014 both in that my brain is no longer as able to adapt as it might have been (and too engulfed in the supposed fog of menopause), and that, however much everyone professes that in the new world of greater longevity, we\u2019ll all have to work longer, I just can\u2019t get people to take me seriously enough to move beyond submitting articles to The Federalist (hey, I\u2019ve had three published<\/a> since turning in my notice and three which I believe are in queue) because of my age.\u00a0 I may learn that think tanks want to hire people who are willing to move to DC and work long hours, to be molded as they see fit, and that other prospective employers likewise want to see a much longer resume of writing and research at my age, however much they might defend themselves with a line of \u201cwe\u2019re not rejecting you for your age but just because you graduated from college so long ago and we want to hire recent graduates \u2014 of course<\/em> we\u2019d hire 50 year olds, if they had just graduated college,\u201d and I may learn that however much time I spend reading and writing I\u2019m just not good enough to get where I want to be solely on that strength alone, and that it all requires a lot more networking, and a lot more extroversion, than I\u2019ve got.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve had some encouraging signs and have embarked on some projects that will keep me busy, if not well compensated, for the time being, with, again, the goal of being paid something<\/em>.\u00a0 Is my effective hourly wage when The Federalist accepts an article greater than what I\u2019d be paid if I just applied at Aldi?\u00a0 Maybe yes, at least sometimes, if it\u2019s an article that I pound out quickly after inspiration striking.\u00a0 If you add in the time spent on all the reading that doesn\u2019t really lead to anything, then maybe not.<\/p>\n

And, again, my 20 years with my employer were not endless misery.\u00a0 It was for the most part a job like any other.\u00a0 Most people have those sorts of jobs where you come in, put in your hours, and leave again, rather than feeling fulfilled day after day, and I tried, with greater or lesser degrees of success, to push through and to try to create a more interesting job for myself than the description offered, for example, by reaching out and saying, \u201chey, I\u2019m really interested in putting together that information on how retirement benefits vary by country.\u201d<\/p>\n

Plus, the flexibility of working part-time after my oldest was born, and later working from home, enabled me to contribute in a meaningful way to our household expenses (although, yes, that income was substantially reduced by daycare costs and marginal taxes), though it was clear that my husband was a much better fit for the job and was far more successful even notwithstanding the full- vs. part-time difference.\u00a0 And making peace with losing that income has not been easy, not (however preposterous it sounds to someone on weaker financial footing) because of the loss of family income itself so much as simply because I am no longer contributing to that family income, except for the smaller bits from writing for Forbes and articles accepted at The Federalist.\u00a0 When we knew that I was going to be leaving, and that my work cell phone would be shut off, we took advantage of the Xfinity cell phone service \u2014 unlimited talk and text, plus $12 per gig of data \u2014 using the cell phone that had been unused since my husband\u2019s prior upgrade.\u00a0 And I had hoped that I would just be able to take the family laptop and put it in the familiar spot in the home office where my work laptop had been, but we made the unfortunate discovery that it was just too underpowered to be able to function as I wanted it to, with multiple browser tabs open, and word and excel and outook, as I write something referencing these various data sources \u2014 or rather, I made that discovery; my husband had expected as much all along and went online and pulled up a site and said, \u201cthis is the computer that you should buy,\u201d but it took me a while to actually get into the frame of mind of accepting that I would not just be losing an income, except for bits and pieces, but that I would be incurring expenses as I continue along this path, and, in the end, the computer that I am at this moment writing on, which I purchased yesterday, was a clearance open-box Best Buy purchase ($400 savings) which I dearly hope I won\u2019t come to regret.<\/p>\n

(Yeah, actually, that\u2019s a story of its own.\u00a0 I drove down to a Best Buy that\u2019s a little over a 1\/2 hour away to pick it up, then got home and discovered that the adapter was not the correct one.\u00a0 I then went into the local Best Buy and they couldn\u2019t help, but I was able to talk to someone on the phone and they swapped out the adapter and brought it up to the Best Buy which is a short drive from home, so that we were able to set up the computer last night.\u00a0 And then this morning I was idly watching some Youtube video that was shared in my Facebook feed and the volume control wasn\u2019t working, so I was visualizing all sorts of trouble trying to get this fixed, or giving up on the dream of Open Box Magic and sucking it up to spend $400 more or accept a less-powerful computer, but then I restarted it and it works just fine now, so I\u2019m hoping that it\u2019s just a remnant of the \u201cupdates are inevitable when you set up a new computer\u201d and not a sign of bad things to come, though I do have a 15 day return window and then the same manufacturer\u2019s warranty as if it was new, afterwards.)<\/p>\n

Oh, and here\u2019s a conversation I had with a colleague shortly before leaving \u2014 one which, I think, lead to him afterwards saying that he wasn\u2019t surprised at the announcement, even though I didn\u2019t specifically discuss anything about it. I griped that the particular business organization meant that we were a team which was focused on international retirement issues, and that there was a wholly separate team focused on international benefit plans (a combination of putting together insurance broker-type deals globally, and consulting on understanding benefit plans \u2014 health, life insurance, and so on \u2014 in a global context).\u00a0 We were making a pitch to our clients that we could help them see a bigger picture on their retirement plans.\u00a0 For instance, if they had a certain amount of cash in the company that they could spend funding retirement plans, we would say that we could help them identify the strategically best plans to fund rather than just funding the plan in the country where that cash had been earned.\u00a0 (Of course, in the pension plan world today, what companies are mostly looking to do is fund plans as a part of an overall process to terminate them buy buying annuities, converting into DC, etc.)\u00a0 Senior management in the team liked to use the idea that a country-by-country approach was like looking at things \u201cin silos\u201d and we would consult with companies to go beyond these silos.\u00a0 But at the same time, the fact that we were split from the benefits team meant that we had our own silos, looking at and consulting on retirement issues without the broader context of company benefit plans.\u00a0 It so much seemed like it was missing the point.\u00a0 (Oh, and it also seemed like the senior leadership was really short on ideas, partly because of this internal silo our team was in, of new lines of business other than consulting with employers on how to terminate their pension plans.\u00a0 Gripe, gripe.)<\/p>\n

But that means that I really want to break out of my own mental silos as I think about where I\u2019m headed next.\u00a0 I don\u2019t just want to be able to write about a variety of topics but I want to be able to do so in a silo-free way by incorporating historical and global context (I need to go back to reading French and German, too) and incorporating statistics and fitting everything in together, and that\u2019s a tall order.<\/p>\n

One final thought:\u00a0 I spent the last couple days reading a book called One Beautiful Dream<\/em><\/a>, by Jennifer Fulwiler.\u00a0 Basically, it\u2019s a \u201cbook about writing a book\u201d which is an odd sort of genre, but she tells the story of juggling life caring for her growing family while trying to carve out time to write the book (a story of her conversion to Catholicism as a young mother).\u00a0 She and her husband felt called to have a large family (6 kids in 8 years) even as she struggled to keep her house clean and laundry washed, and to carve out those moments for writing.\u00a0 (Multiple of the Goodreads reviews complain that she should have stopped at 2 or 3 kids because she clearly couldn\u2019t handle six, and took it as a sign of stupidity that they didn\u2019t just abandon NFP, and said that people critical of her family size choices were messages from God, when she\u2019s said that she can\u2019t use hormonal contraception for health reasons and, quite apart from religious beliefs, didn\u2019t want to get sterilized, and, again, she said repeatedly that the large family was a choice, not a sign of bad family planning choices.)\u00a0 But there were two main messages she tried to convey in her book:\u00a0 the first, that having children doesn\u2019t mean putting life on hold but living out your life together with your family, and that personal achievement (in this case, finding the time to write the book) isn\u2019t something which is in opposition to family life but that it all fits together, and she describes an instance in which she had an idea for a chapter and she enlisted the whole family to work to keep the fussy toddler happy while she wrote.\u00a0 Oh, and she also talks about all of the ways in which she had to learn to be open to help from other people, from family (who all live nearby) to friends to the neighbor girls who roamed the neighborhood ringing doorbells and running off but who she eventually befriended and who helped with babysitting.<\/p>\n

To be sure, there are some things that don\u2019t hang together.\u00a0 Money is always portrayed as being extremely tight, but they ultimately hire a 3-afternoons-a-week babysitter, which I guess means that \u201cmoney is tight\u201d is a relative sort of thing, but fine.\u00a0 I don\u2019t need to know their family budget.\u00a0 But she homeschools, and yet, subsequent to half a page on this decision, there are virtually no references to it.\u00a0 Yes, I get that it doesn\u2019t fit in with her narrative, and throwing in extra detail about homeschooling would just bloat the narrative, but it still feels \u201coff.\u201d<\/p>\n

But there are some parts that I really \u201cgot\u201d \u2014 especially a few pages on retreat that she though would be, well, retreatish, but was designed by and for extroverts, with a dance contest to Christian music and all manner of other socializing and it reminded me of the what-have-I-gotten-myself-into CRHP retreat where we were all supposed to sit down next to someone we didn\u2019t know, at meals, and I turned out to be the only one who did so, and was in that unpleasant situation of the women on the left talking to their friends on their left, and the women on the right talking to their friends on their right, and there may or may not have been someone directly across from me but she was engaged in some conversation with someone else, too.\u00a0 And she talks a lot<\/em> about overcoming her insecurities.<\/p>\n

So anyway, it was supposed to be a confidence-booster; except that I go to her website and she\u2019s picture-perfect.\u00a0 She has a radio show on Sirius XM, and there are videos uploaded of talks that she gives, and she\u2019s thin and pretty, and she has a perfectly-curated Instagram account and I tell myself, \u201cwhat did you think?\u00a0 were you really expecting to find pictures of cluttered kitchen counters and overflowing laundry baskets on her Instagram account to make you feel better?\u201d but there it is.\u00a0 And she\u2019s a self-described introvert but sure seems to be the sort that\u2019s an introvert by preference but has tip-top social skills when she needs to put them into action.<\/p>\n

And now I have to go back to a Forbes article that just isn\u2019t coming together the way I had hoped, and send out some e-mails and check some other things off the to-do list.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Image: \u00a0https:\/\/commons.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/File%3ASecretary_at_work.jpg; By Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, Thousand Oaks, California [CC BY 2.0 (http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by\/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons<\/span><\/p>\n

this is not me.\u00a0 But I identify with this picture, and I\u2019ve spent too much time writing to hunt down a better one now.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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