{"id":3644,"date":"2016-07-16T12:39:32","date_gmt":"2016-07-16T19:39:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jaysondbradley.com\/?p=3644"},"modified":"2018-04-09T22:33:19","modified_gmt":"2018-04-09T22:33:19","slug":"communication","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/jaysondbradley\/2016\/07\/communication\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Reminders for Turning Conversation into True Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"true<\/p>\n

It\u2019s incredible\u00a0that communication is possible\u00a0at all. Every one of us is one island in an archipelago\u2014a profoundly complex world\u00a0separated by an immense expanse.\u00a0We\u2019re all trapped in our own minds as we struggle and make sense of the world around us.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not easy to share our inner world with each other. We have to take all of these complex emotions, mental images, and bits of information and convert them into a language. This is no small task. It\u2019s\u00a0difficult enough to understand the complex\u00a0noise\u00a0in our heads, let alone transform it\u00a0into the limitations of\u00a0language. But\u00a0then we must transmit that communication to someone else by speaking it or writing it down. The whole time, we\u00a0assume that our listeners share the meaning we attach to our words.<\/p>\n

The knowledge that\u00a0language can be used to manipulate, mislead and control add an extra level of complexity to communication. Every one of us has\u00a0had experiences where we\u2019ve been burned by taking someone\u2019s speech\u00a0at face value.<\/p>\n

If we truly understood the challenges that everyone overcomes\u00a0every<\/em> time we\u00a0communicate, we\u2019d never stop marveling that it\u2019s possible at all.<\/p>\n

Here are three things to remember about communication:<\/p>\n

1. Communication\u00a0begins with interpretation<\/h2>\n

We tend to\u00a0think that we instantly understand everything we read, hear, and experience\u2014but that\u2019s not true. The process of interpretation happens so quickly that we\u2019re hardly aware that it\u2019s happening. Information is given to us, and we filter it. We run this language against our private lexicon, and we attach our\u00a0understanding to the words. We\u2019re simultaneously taking those words and\u00a0extracting information and meaning from them.\u00a0If it\u2019s\u00a0verbal communication, we\u2019re also factoring in body language and tone. These two added components dramatically affect our interpretation.<\/p>\n

Real understanding happens to the degree that we\u2019re aware of the interpretation process. Information is given to us like disassembled Ikea furniture\u2014except we don\u2019t have the manual, and we\u2019re not sure what the final product is supposed to look like. We pray that we have all the pieces we need\u00a0as we try and construct what the designer intended. Our ability to do that is going to be dependent upon many factors: our experience, our mechanical ability, our willingness to try different configurations, and whether we ask for input.<\/p>\n

Too often someone is giving\u00a0us the raw materials for a desk, and we start building\u00a0a dresser. The other person has no idea that I\u2019m creating the wrong impression from their words. They have no idea what\u2019a going on in my mind. So much of our communication breakdown occurs\u00a0when interpretation goes wrong because\u00a0both parties assume their analysis is accurate.<\/p>\n

The key doesn\u2019t lie in pretending that we\u2019re not interpreting things through our understanding and history; it lies in becoming aware of our interpretive tendencies\u2014and making adjustments when necessary.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re all conditioned to react to specific words or phrases (triggers). Sometimes the people using these triggers don\u2019t understand what their language may be invoking; they\u2019re merely using the tools at their disposal. We all need to recognize the prejudice that lies within our interpretation. The minute that we hear specific words or phrases and assume we can use that information\u00a0to categorize the opinions or positions of people, we\u2019ve bypassed excellent communication in a race to the finish line. From here on out, everything that individual says falls within our interpretive matrix\u2014and they\u2019re (and we\u2019re) trapped.<\/p>\n

This is why it\u2019s important to communicate clearly and carefully.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0Language is both\u00a0an asset and a hurdle<\/h2>\n

The fact that language even exists is fantastic. Our ability to\u00a0translate thoughts\u00a0into audible cues with the potential to recreate what we\u2019re thinking in someone else\u2019s mind\u00a0would seem like science fiction if it weren\u2019t so commonplace. But since we\u2019re always doing it, we don\u2019t think anything of it.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately,\u00a0we fail to realize how limiting language can be. Our thinking tends to be\u00a0abstract, and we take those mercurial\u00a0thoughts and translate them into a language. Our ability to communicate our thoughts accurately has so much\u00a0to do with our ability to represent those ideas with the proper words. A toddler starts developing more complex thoughts and feelings long before they have the vocabulary to communicate them. It\u2019s no wonder they cry so often. Imagine trying to express your feelings with one or two sounds.<\/p>\n

The average person uses about 5,000 words<\/a> and can write about 10,000. An educated person could have a working vocabulary of 80,000+ words. This doesn\u2019t necessarily make them more intelligent, but it does equip them with more tools for communicating their thoughts. Think about all of the emotions you\u2019re\u00a0capable of feeling in a single day. Now imagine that you could only use the words \u201cmad,\u201d \u201csad,\u201d or \u201chappy\u201d to communicate them. The person with a smaller vocabulary is at an incredible disadvantage to not only relate to others what they think but also to identify for themselves how they feel.<\/p>\n

There is something to be said for developing a robust vocabulary. But we don\u2019t do it\u00a0to impress others. We do it to improve our ability to communicate nuanced thoughts and emotions and to understand the communication of others better.<\/p>\n

But having a broad vocabulary doesn\u2019t necessarily set us up to win at communication. There\u2019s still the real problem with how we define words. We can talk all day about \u201clove,\u201d but have no idea that we\u2019re talking about two entirely different things. This is why it\u2019s imperative to\u00a0define the key terms in our discussions. Without settling on a standard definition for these ideas and\u00a0words, we hamper real understanding.<\/p>\n

3. Understanding\u00a0is active, not passive<\/h2>\n

When it comes to communication, we\u2019re rushing to extract the information we need to act or respond.\u00a0But to communicate well, we have to put effort into understanding\u2014and it takes work. Most people don\u2019t ask questions; they assume that they understand. They listen to someone, get a sense of the person is saying, and they\u2019re off. And it\u2019s at that<\/em> point communication breaks down. When both parties are doing this (which is most of the time), it\u2019s a complete disaster.<\/p>\n

When you realize that you\u2019re in a high-stakes conversation, it\u2019s essential that you regularly repeat back to the other party what you\u2019re hearing. You aren\u2019t just doing this to let them know you\u2019re listening (although this is important), you\u2019re doing it because you know how easy it is to hear something different than what\u2019s said. The moment there\u2019s this kind of disconnect in what\u2019s said and what\u2019s understood, that\u2019s the moment you begin walking down two different paths. All additional discussion added onto that misconception puts you both further away from each other.<\/p>\n

Listening is as active a discipline as talking. Reading, just like writing, requires effort. The listener and the reader are decoders of encrypted information, and as soon as they get lazy in their job, they begin to fail.<\/p>\n

Communication is more than conversation<\/h2>\n

With the advent of social media, it\u2019s becoming more evident that there\u2019s a big difference between communicating and talking. Language is merely a collection of symbols or sounds with the ability to transmit information. To truly communicate with someone\u2014friend or enemy alike\u2014you need to recognize that language is a tool that both parties are using to share their\u00a0inner worlds with each other.<\/p>\n

Anyone can have a conversation, but communication requires focused deliberate effort.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s incredible\u00a0that communication is possible\u00a0at all. Every one of us is one island in an archipelago\u2014a profoundly complex world\u00a0separated by an immense expanse.\u00a0We\u2019re all trapped in our own minds as we struggle and make sense of the world around us. It\u2019s not easy to share our inner world with each other. We have to take […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3090,"featured_media":4579,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[369,370,371,358,227],"class_list":["post-3644","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-social-issues","tag-communication","tag-conversation","tag-hearing","tag-listening","tag-understanding"],"yoast_head":"\n3 Reminders for Turning Conversation into True Communication<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It's truly amazing that communication is possible at all. 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