Well, the don\u2019t get too close part may be\u00a0true, anyway.\u00a0 But that\u2019s not because women with crushes on priests are some special class of victim; quite the reverse.\u00a0 The temptation to adultery is boringly common.<\/strong>\u00a0 Banal.\u00a0 Unimpressive.\u00a0 Anyone can fall in love, that\u2019s why the species lives longer than a single generation.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t require special conditions.\u00a0 That you have a crush on so-and-so is no more an indication of your vocation than liking that BMW in the parking lot is a sign you should drive it home this afternoon.<\/p>\n Thus there are things grown-ups do to avoid letting that falling-in-love impulse get out of control.\u00a0 You can do these things, too.<\/p>\n As long as you\u2019re convinced the world somehow owes you access to Mr. or Ms. Scintillating, you\u2019re easy prey: You\u2019ve already talked yourself into infidelity.\u00a0 You have to make the decision that once you take vows, you will remain faithful to those\u00a0vows.\u00a0 You have to make the decision that if you yourself are free to marry, you will not seek a spouse among those who are\u00a0not free to marry you.<\/p>\n Just making this decision won\u2019t turn you into the picture of purity.\u00a0 But it is the first and most necessary step, because you can\u2019t live with integrity until you at least decide that\u2019s what you want to do.<\/p>\n Who do you think you are?\u00a0 You\u2019re not too holy, too ugly, or too stupid to be an adulterer, and being smart is no protection either.\u00a0 Humans fall in love with other humans. Eros goes astray.\u00a0 It happens.\u00a0 Knowing that it could<\/i> happen to you, like knowing that you could<\/i> be in a car wreck, means having advance warning.\u00a0 There are situations to look out for and precautions to take.\u00a0 You don\u2019t need to live in a bubble (which has its own dangers), but for goodness sake put on your seat belt.<\/p>\n You may well be surprised the first time you find yourself suddenly attracted to someone who\u2019s on the not-available list.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re recently married or ordained, it can come as a surprise that you\u2019re again attracted to some other person, having just spent the past few years completely wrapped up in the excitement of your new vocation.\u00a0It was normal back when you were single to become interested in people; then you found The One, and that was supposed to be the end of all that dating business, right?<\/p>\n Likewise, if you\u2019re single and have heretofore only been attracted to other single people, it could be a shock to discover you\u2019ve suddenly got a crush on someone who is decidedly not available.<\/p>\n What to do?<\/p>\n Put distance,<\/strong> and lots of it, between you and the object of your crush.<\/strong>\u00a0 Now is not the time to figure out your whole rule of life-and-friendship for ever and ever amen. \u00a0Just act, immediately, to keep the current situation from becoming a problem. Change your routine, get a new hobby, decline invitations.\u00a0 Find something to be doing so that you can\u2019t be around the person you find attractive.<\/p>\n There\u2019s no need to make an announcement.\u00a0 Don\u2019t<\/i> make an announcement<\/strong>.\u00a0 Just be someplace else.\u00a0 Not around.<\/p>\n You know the kind of person you find attractive.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve taken a vow of marriage or celibacy, don\u2019t go seeking out the company of that kind of person.\u00a0You do in fact have a need for friendship outside of your marriage or religious vocation; seek friends who won\u2019t pose any particular temptation against chastity for you.<\/p>\n If your husband or wife has a friend you find attractive, don\u2019t be alone around that friend. Ever.\u00a0 If your religious vocation puts you in the path of someone you find attractive, find ways to not be alone with that person.\u00a0 You might think impure thoughts (of which you will repent, immediately, see below), but you can prevent it from going further by silently but intentionally putting some kind of physical obstacle between yourself and the possibility of acting on your lust.<\/p>\n People will go on and on about how if only you were a good Christian with a pure heart, you could lay down naked in a locked room with the most attractive person in the world, and never think or do one impure thing.\u00a0 Well that\u2019s true as far as it goes, but you aren\u2019t that good of a Christian.\u00a0 Get over yourself.\u00a0 Do like the rest of us wannabes and flee temptation.<\/p>\n Oh sure, you\u2019re all sophisticated in your prayer life or your theology or something. But let\u2019s face it: You\u2019re thinking about breaking someone\u2019s sacred vows. \u00a0You\u2019re not as advanced as all that.<\/p>\n Two tools can keep you out of the deep water:<\/p>\n 1. An immediate act of contrition.\u00a0<\/strong>It\u2019s the chapstick of the spiritual life, so keep it in your pocket and plan to apply it constantly. \u00a0You think an impure thought, you say an act of contrition. \u00a0(ex: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner<\/em>. \u00a0or: Oh crap, really Lord, I\u2019m so sorry. I mean it.<\/em>) \u00a0Probably you\u2019ll keep on sinning, so you just keep on saying it. You sin all the time, you be sorry all the time. That\u2019s how it works. \u00a0You can be sorry\u00a0while<\/em> you are sinning. \u00a0Just keep working the sorry. \u00a0Work it.<\/p>\n 2. No-fuss Confession<\/strong>. \u00a0You don\u2019t have to go to a priest who knows you. \u00a0You don\u2019t have to give your life story. \u00a0You don\u2019t have to seek advice. \u00a0Show up, confess your impure thoughts, be sorry, get absolved. \u00a0Is there a time and place for spiritual direction? \u00a0You betcha. \u00a0But when you\u2019re flirting with mortal sin, don\u2019t let the spiritual champagne get in the way of the bucket of Grace that will put\u00a0out the smoldering fire.<\/p>\n Add to all this as much as you can. \u00a0Prayer, fasting, etc etc etc. \u00a0But don\u2019t kid yourself, you\u2019re in the spiritual basement. \u00a0Don\u2019t be proud. \u00a0Don\u2019t wait for the perfect thing. Slap on the emergency measures early and often.<\/p>\n There are more and deeper things you can do. \u00a0Pray for purity (you will probably get assigned that as a penance at some point anyway), contemplate the beauty of your own vocation, build up your understanding of why the sins that plague you are in fact heinously nasty boils on your otherwise okay, well probably kinda wretched, soul. There\u2019s nothing like understanding what a sinner you are to appreciate how good a Savior you\u2019ve got.<\/p>\n Doing these things won\u2019t cause your free will to shrivel and up go away. \u00a0You won\u2019t turn into a purity-seeking automaton. \u00a0Indeed, you can\u2019t seek purity without free will, because it isn\u2019t purity if you don\u2019t seek it freely. \u00a0Without freedom, you\u2019re just a very well-trained house pet. \u00a0But because you aren\u2019t a pet, you can choose to use your mind and your body to build a hedge of protection around your temptable but goodness-willing soul.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Related:<\/strong> The Classic Marriage-Affirming Romantic Comedy about Adultery.<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0It\u2019s the 101 on What Not to Do, with a beautiful ending featuring true manly-man mature spirituality. \u00a0Starring Bob Hope & Lucille Ball.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Note on the photo: This happened to be today\u2019s Wikimedia featured image, and I thought it was both very cool and not off-topic. Go to the\u00a0Category:St.-Johannes-Nepomuk-Kapelle (Hiddingsel)<\/a> to see several more in the series that are just lovely.<\/em><\/p>\n Image\u00a0<\/span>\u00a9 Dietmar Rabich,\u00a0rabich.de<\/a>, CC BY-SA 4.0<\/a>, Wikimedia Commons\u00a0<\/a><\/b><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Deacon Greg Kandra writes about a recent NY Times piece on priests who forsake their vows, and the women who help them do it.\u00a0 You would think from the way people talk that there\u2019s something about a man in holy orders that just makes him irresistible. It\u2019s as if there\u2019s a force field emanating from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,87,44,86,110,60,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-catholic-qa","category-chastity","category-church-craziness","category-marriage","category-rant-o-rama","category-sacred-art-music","category-stick-that-corner"],"yoast_head":"\n1. Decide not to take what isn\u2019t yours.<\/h2>\n
2. Recognize that you are prone to temptation, just like everyone else.<\/h2>\n
3. When you realize trouble is brewing, back away fast.<\/h2>\n
4. Learn your weaknesses so you can take steps to avoid peril.<\/h2>\n
5. Work the Beginner Spirituality<\/h2>\n
There are Higher Paths, and No Guarantees<\/h2>\n
![\"Hiddingsel,](\"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/a\/a1\/Hiddingsel%2C_St.-Johannes-Nepomuk-Kapelle_--_2014_--_2990.jpg\/500px-Hiddingsel%2C_St.-Johannes-Nepomuk-Kapelle_--_2014_--_2990.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n