{"id":2974,"date":"2015-02-07T13:55:45","date_gmt":"2015-02-07T18:55:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/jenniferfitz\/?p=2974"},"modified":"2017-11-09T10:42:32","modified_gmt":"2017-11-09T15:42:32","slug":"50-shades-of-arousal-disorders-bdsm-and-the-moral-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/jenniferfitz\/2015\/02\/50-shades-of-arousal-disorders-bdsm-and-the-moral-life\/","title":{"rendered":"50 Shades of Arousal Disorders: BDSM and the Moral Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

If you browse among the purveyors of sex toys, which you most emphatically should not<\/strong> do, among the offerings you\u2019ll find all the regalia of oppression and humiliation. \u00a0BDSM as a variant on traditional women\u2019s porn as sold at the grocery store<\/a> didn\u2019t come out of nowhere. \u00a0 Long before the intelligentsia were conflicted in their literary analysis by the clash between \u201ccutting edge\u201d and \u201cterrible writing\u201d, the neighbors\u00a0were busy acting out sexual fantasies straight from the annals of Amnesty International.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s the scoop on BDSM?<\/h3>\n

BDSM <\/em>is the going term for sexual behavior in which those involved act out themes of domination and submission; it\u2019s a term used by those who\u00a0legitimize<\/em> this behavior. \u00a0The justification is that if it\u2019s only a game, and the players are willing, it\u2019s a fine game. \u00a0You can find other eras in history when this type of erotica was socially acceptable, at least in certain circles \u2014 same as you can find other eras in history when all kinds of things one shouldn\u2019t do were, at the time, socially acceptable.<\/p>\n

Being willing to do something is not the measure of right and wrong.<\/p>\n

Disordered Arousal and the Formation of your Conscience<\/h3>\n

One of the difficulties with certain sexual sins \u2014 as with some other categories of sin \u2014 is that the internal feedback mechanism has been co-opted. \u00a0If a particular thought or behavior brings about feelings of intense pleasure, it is natural to assume: I guess this is legitimate, yes? \u00a0We rely, in these circumstances, on outside information as a corrective to our erring feelings.<\/p>\n

The modern legitimization of BDSM followed in the wake of the legitimization of all kinds of other serious evils. \u00a0Compared to say, killing your own child, letting someone handcuff you to the bedframe is small potatoes. \u00a0So Christian moralists don\u2019t spend a lot of time chatting about this.<\/p>\n

The difficulty is that if you are a person who experiences sexual arousal in some untoward context (whether BDSM or anything else), if the wider society is telling you that your feelings are entirely consistent with your highest good, and therefore you ought to feel free to act upon them, you are suddenly bereft of any moral safety-net to bring you back to reality.<\/p>\n

What Part for Shame and Pride?<\/h3>\n

If your brain works correctly, sexual arousal will take place within the context of a mutually-cherishing, tender, compassionate marital relationship. \u00a0If your brain doesn\u2019t work correctly, through no fault of your own, it\u2019s about as shameful a situation as needing glasses or a hearing aid: Deal with the problem as well as you can, and for goodness sake don\u2019t march in a parade encouraging other people to live a lifestyle of nearsightedness just because some substantial but difficult-to-pin percentage<\/a> of Americans couldn\u2019t pass the driving test without corrective lenses.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s not really anything to be proud about if your brain and other parts work perfectly, though of course you know people who go about terrified of needing glasses and sure, just sure, that they are morally-superior specimens because of their excellent eye chart results. \u00a0These people are ludicrous. \u00a0If you get sexually-aroused at the one thing you are\u00a0supposed<\/em> to find sexually arousing, good for you. \u00a0But it\u2019s not a contest. \u00a0We live in a fallen world.<\/p>\n

Our obligation, though, is to correct our thoughts as well as we can, and order our behavior towards what is good, no matter how much our feelings may conflict.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s a Christian to do about BDSM?<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s pretty straightforward: Don\u2019t engage in BDSM role-playing, don\u2019t read BDSM literature,\u00a0avoid all porn regardless of the theme, and work on building healthy relationships. \u00a0Ultimately we won\u2019t find fulfillment in disordered sexual action or fantasy of any kind, whether it\u2019s sleeping with your girlfriend or doing that weird thing alone in your room with all those pancakes. \u00a0Don\u2019t go there. \u00a0It\u2019s an empty, dead-end route.<\/p>\n

Build healthy, mutually-respectful, chaste friendships with the people around you. \u00a0If you have a vocation to the married life, every aspect of that relationship should be one of mutual care and kindness.<\/p>\n

\"File:Francesco<\/p>\n

Artwork: Francesco Hayez, The Kiss,<\/em>\u00a0[Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you browse among the purveyors of sex toys, which you most emphatically should not do, among the offerings you\u2019ll find all the regalia of oppression and humiliation. \u00a0BDSM as a variant on traditional women\u2019s porn as sold at the grocery store didn\u2019t come out of nowhere. \u00a0 Long before the intelligentsia were conflicted in […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,87,51,216,86],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2974","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-catholic-qa","category-chastity","category-forgiveness","category-its-all-catholic","category-marriage"],"yoast_head":"\n50 Shades of Arousal Disorders: BDSM and the Moral Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you browse among the purveyors of sex toys, which you most emphatically should not do, among the 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