Innocent question from my 7-year-old after talking to the older kids about what\u2019s going on with Planned Parenthood: \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t the president stop them?\u201d She can\u2019t seem to wrap her mind around how this is legal.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Some thoughts before we begin:<\/p>\n Evil is going to find your children.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong>It is neither necessary nor desirable to introduce evil to your children, enough of it will come to their attention whether you like it or not.<\/p>\n There is a time and place for shielding your children from cruel realities. \u00a0When I volunteered in the pro-life movement when my eldest was very young, I gave my son\u00a0a simple, honest, but vague explanation for the work: \u201cWe teach people not to hurt babies.\u201d<\/p>\n But sooner or later your child is going to find out about slavery or the Holocaust or terrorism or some other evil thing. \u00a0When that happens, there are things you can do to help your child make sense of the evil in the world, without going into lots of graphic explanations or dwelling on darkness.<\/p>\n These are topics for parents. \u00a0<\/strong>We live in a fairy-tale world: A world where princesses get cursed and children thrown into ovens by witches in candy houses and wolves disguise themselves as grandmothers. You the parent are the best judge of your child\u2019s readiness to discuss this or that topic, and in what detail. \u00a0You the parent have the best instincts about how to explain a difficult topic in a way that will answer your child\u2019s need for understanding without burdening your child with fear or anxiety or a \u00a0sense of adult responsibility.<\/p>\n Thus\u00a0if you find yourself teaching religious education and a student\u00a0brings up a mature topic<\/strong>, do not presume to know the readiness of every child in the room. \u00a0Let the student know that it\u2019s a topic for Mom or Dad to explain; if you get an opportunity to speak to the parent, mention it came up so they know it\u2019s on their child\u2019s mind. \u00a0Let your program director or pastor know it came up in class. \u00a0Meanwhile, your job is to focus on general moral principles that apply at any age, but using G-rated examples only.<\/p>\n Now, on to my original answer.<\/p>\n The answer is that you teach your children how to live the moral life.<\/p>\n This isn\u2019t a single conversation, but a series of conversations, though you\u2019ll no doubt find a few points\u00a0helpful\u00a0in answering the question of the moment. \u00a0 Particular points to make:<\/p>\n Everybody does things they shouldn\u2019t<\/strong>. \u00a0If your child is at or past the age of reason, this is a natural tie-in to Confession, mortal vs. venial sin, examining your own conscience, and so forth. \u00a0With younger children, you can keep to a simple, \u201cSometimes you do things you know you shouldn\u2019t do, don\u2019t you?\u201d \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n The mortal-vs.-venial distinction, even if you don\u2019t put it in those words, is important, because swiping an extra cookie is most emphatically not the moral equivalent of approving the slaughter of innocents. \u00a0Also, at all ages distinguish accidents, temptations, and sins, because the three are quite different. \u00a0Knowing those differences is essential to a healthy moral life.<\/span><\/span> To avoid dwelling on horrors and dashing the last shreds of your child\u2019s innocence, you can discuss this concept\u00a0by diverting to overblown silly examples. \u00a0\u201cWhat if I tried to clean the kitchen by blowing it up with dynamite so there\u2019d be no more dirty dishes?\u201d \u00a0\u201cWhat if I was cold, so I stole all the cats in the neighborhood and put them in my bed to keep me warm?\u201d<\/span> It is your job as the adult to teach your children how to\u00a0tell who is doing something good and who is doing something bad, so that when they are grown-ups, they can know whether the things\u00a0other people are doing are right or wrong. \u00a0Remind your child that you are available to listen and help any time there\u2019s a question about whether something someone is doing is right or wrong.<\/span> [For more on this topic, see the links below.] ***<\/p>\n Follow-up: My friend who posed the question shared that she and her daughter brainstormed answers to the question, \u201cWhat can I do about this?\u201d \u00a0Answers included praying, helping at the crisis pregnancy center, and so forth.<\/p>\n Ultimately you do need to go there. \u00a0We all need to answer the question of what role we are called to play in the face of evil. \u00a0The age at which your child is ready to face that evil is something only you and your child can discern together.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Related Links:<\/p>\n Do the Ends Justify the Means?<\/a>\u00a0My 101 on Double Effect and whether you may do evil that good come of it (no, you may not).<\/p>\n Double Effect, In the Bathtub<\/a> Erin Arlinghaus continues the conversation.<\/p>\n Why Can\u2019t We Do Evil that Good Might Come of It? Even to Save a Life?<\/a>\u00a0Further conversation on this topic, in response to a challenge from Erin.<\/span><\/p>\n The Trouble with Double Effect<\/a>\u00a0An older post at my previous\u00a0blog, covering this topic, and opening up a can of worms at the bottom.<\/p>\n Siris: Double Effect<\/a>\u00a0Comments on that post from philosopher Brandon Watson, who knows his business, attempting to deal with the worms.<\/p>\n I Confess, Hero Movie Par Excellence<\/a>\u00a0 Alfred Hitchcock shows you how it\u2019s done, in glorious black and white.<\/p>\n Artwork by Robert Smirke [CC BY-SA 4.0<\/a>], via Wikimedia Commons<\/a>.\u00a0Sarah Siddons as Lady Macbeth (Smirke, c. 1790-1810).<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A friend posed a question in a private forum, and I\u2019d like to share my response. \u00a0The original question was: Innocent question from my 7-year-old after talking to the older kids about what\u2019s going on with Planned Parenthood: \u201cWhy doesn\u2019t the president stop them?\u201d She can\u2019t seem to wrap her mind around how this is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[97,13,51,162,216],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3828","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-catechesis-2","category-catholic-qa","category-forgiveness","category-human-rights","category-its-all-catholic"],"yoast_head":"\nHow do you address the ugly reality that adults in authority are doing horrible things?<\/h2>\n
Often the sins that are the hardest to stop are the ones that people say are \u201cno big deal\u201d<\/strong> even though they are a big deal. Your child\u00a0can probably think of examples in his or her own life.<\/span>
Sometimes we sin when we\u2019re trying to do something good, <\/strong>even though that\u2019s not the right way to solve a problem. (Example: Lying to get out of trouble?) It can be hard to resist that temptation. \u00a0In reality all sin is an effort to grasp at the good the sin promises, but in this case you\u2019re focusing specifically on how people try to solve problems by doing evil. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
Not everything adults do is right or good. \u00a0<\/strong>This is a tricky topic, because you don\u2019t want to destroy your child\u2019s sense of trust, but at the same time, you do need for your child to have a clear understanding of the moral world. \u00a0Explain that your job as the\u00a0parent is to protect your children\u00a0from evil until they are\u00a0old enough to protect themselves. \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
Just because something is legal or common doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s right.<\/strong>\u00a0This is a huge teaching point with kids today because the reality is that your child is going to spend adulthood\u00a0immersed in a culture that accepts all kinds of immoral practices as \u201cgood.\u201d<\/span>
Some people think that it\u2019s okay to do something bad, even hurt other people, if it causes a greater good. This is wrong.<\/strong> Yes, even at seven (or younger) a child can learn the difference between consequentialism and parallel effect. Use lots of concrete examples from\u00a0your child\u2019s own life.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
\u2013> In all this, you aren\u2019t mostly focusing on abortion (or the Holocaust, or slavery, or whatever other horror your child might have heard about), but on the general principles of the moral life that yes, seven-year-olds are\u00a0ready to learn and understand and apply in their own life. So this is a long series of conversations that starts now (or much younger) and continues indefinitely.\u00a0<\/span>
If you have this foundation, when an ugly reality like this comes up, a lot of times it suffices to simply say, \u201cYou know, sometimes people do things that are seriously wrong, even though they know it will hurt other people, don\u2019t they?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n![\"File:Sarah](\"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/e\/ee\/Sarah_Siddons_as_Lady_Macbeth_%28Smirke%2C_c._1790-1810%29.jpg\/473px-Sarah_Siddons_as_Lady_Macbeth_%28Smirke%2C_c._1790-1810%29.jpg\")
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