1. The Decision to Play is a Decision for Today Only<\/h3>\n
When you have a child who is interested in competitive play \u2014 as opposed to strictly recreational participation \u2014 you can quickly end up taking on massive commitments of time and money. \u00a0I don\u2019t think this is a racket necessarily, though there are better- and worse-managed teams and leagues. \u00a0The reality is that someone has to pay for the coaches and the facilities, and if your child is the one playing, that person is probably you. \u00a0We\u2019re so used to publicly-subsidized education that we forget all this stuff costs money. \u00a0It\u2019s not the job of your fellow citizens to foot the bill for your child\u2019s expensive hobbies.<\/p>\n
Now there is a possibility that your investment in your child\u2019s athletic career will lead one day to a college scholarship or some other big prize. \u00a0That may even be your child\u2019s goal \u2014 why not? \u00a0There\u2019s nothing wrong with setting personal goals and trying to achieve them.<\/p>\n
But watch out: If you are married to that goal, you will soon hate your child.<\/p>\n
Soon, your child will have a bad game, or get distracted, or come up against a more committed or more talented competitor. \u00a0 Furthermore, your child might get a few years down the path and decide to change goals. \u00a0Perhaps it wasn\u2019t a realistic plan. Perhaps your child develops a new interest, or decides that the commitment required to continue at an elite level isn\u2019t worth the trade-offs.<\/p>\n
If you wish to be sane, every time you lay down your savings to fund the next season or set aside your evenings and weekends to attend games, you have to be confident that it\u2019s worth the expenditure even if it is only for right now.<\/p>\n
Even if tomorrow my child gets permanently sidelined through some terrible misfortune, it was worth the investment for what she received in formation today. \u00a0Even if tomorrow my child loses all interest and turns to a life of stamp-collecting, it was worth the investment for what she received in formation today.<\/p>\n
If you are unable to walk away with no regrets, you aren\u2019t ready to make this commitment.<\/p>\n
2. Don\u2019t Spend More Than You Can Afford<\/h3>\n
\u201cWe gave up everything for you!\u201d \u00a0\u201cWe\u2019ve spent all this time and money for you, and that\u2019s how you play??\u201d<\/p>\n
When I see parents berating their children after a game, I often see evidence of strain. \u00a0The parents have chosen to spend more money or more time than they could afford, and now they resent their child for failing to pay back the loan.<\/p>\n
Is it really fair to hold your child responsible for your poor ability to manage your resources? \u00a0Does your child really have to make up for your bad budgeting by bringing home so many trophies in compensation?<\/p>\n
You are the grown-up. \u00a0It is your responsibility to live within your means. \u00a0The education you give your children isn\u2019t a business deal, it\u2019s your gift to them.<\/p>\n
By all means, choose gifts your child is able to appreciate and benefit from. \u00a0If your child isn\u2019t growing into a better person through the gift of sports, find a different gift next season. \u00a0But don\u2019t blame your child for failing to pay back a loan you never should have taken out in the first place.<\/p>\n
3. Own Your Decisions<\/h3>\n
Sure, any of us parents might\u00a0grumble and roll our eyes a little when we have to drag ourselves out of bed at some ridiculous hour on a Saturday morning in order to get to the game. \u00a0That\u2019s different from behaving as if your child is somehow the one heading the family and setting the schedule.<\/p>\n
You made the decision to sign the forms allowing your child to play. \u00a0You made the decision to pay for the coaching and equipment and the travel expenses. \u00a0You made the decision to adhere to the schedule and give over your time. \u00a0You aren\u2019t a slave. \u00a0You freely chose this life. \u00a0Don\u2019t blame your kid.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve set conditions on your child\u2019s continued participation, you\u2019re free to stick to them. \u00a0Either she practices enough at home or she doesn\u2019t get to play again next season. \u00a0Either she advances at the agreed-upon pace, or we move on to some other activity. That\u2019s fair. \u00a0But when you sign up at the start of the season, you\u2019re making the decision to commit for now even if in the end she doesn\u2019t play well enough to continue.<\/p>\n
If you can\u2019t be at peace with the reality that your child might not meet your expectations, don\u2019t sign up. \u00a0No matter what standards you set, implicit in your agreement is the possibility your child won\u2019t meet the standards, and therefore the agreed-upon consequence will follow. \u00a0If your idea of a fair agreement is that your child is going to be cussed out and belittled for failing to meet spec, now\u2019s a good time for that family counseling.<\/p>\n
Do You Have to Be Mean In Order to Get Your Child to Perform?<\/h2>\n
No. \u00a0If your child is not largely self-motivated, competitive sports are a bad idea. \u00a0It\u2019s possible that you have a child who will respond to your threats and bitterness by practicing harder in a desperate attempt to earn your love or shut you up, but that\u2019s not the relationship you\u2019re trying to cultivate. \u00a0Sports aren\u2019t worth destroying your connection with your child. \u00a0Doing hard things together\u00a0ought to draw you closer to\u00a0each other, not farther apart.<\/p>\n
If your child does want to perform well, but perhaps sometimes lacks the discipline to follow through on her goals, then it\u2019s fair to provide some back-up assistance in the self-control department. \u00a0\u201cYou said you wanted to get better, and we agreed that twenty minutes of working on your skills every afternoon was the way to do that. \u00a0So please put your phone away and go outside and practice.\u201d \u00a0No need to yell. \u00a0No need to carry on. \u00a0If it\u2019s making you or your child angry, something\u2019s wrong.<\/p>\n
Friendly parent-coaching does require you to substitute fear and intimidation for consistency and self-control. \u00a0We parents are limited in how much of the latter we have to give. \u00a0It\u2019s possible\u00a0you are unable to provide the amount of loving help your child needs in order to perform well. \u00a0In that case, reconsider whether competitive sports are the best way to spend your family\u2019s time.<\/p>\n
![\"File:Sprint](\"https:\/\/upload.wikimedia.org\/wikipedia\/commons\/thumb\/4\/42\/Sprint_100_m_-_track_and_field_painting_of_Raffaello_Fabio_Ducceschi.jpg\/800px-Sprint_100_m_-_track_and_field_painting_of_Raffaello_Fabio_Ducceschi.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
Artwork by Raffaello Fabio Ducceschi (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0<\/a>], via Wikimedia Commons<\/a>. \u00a0See the whole collection here<\/a>.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So I developed a new rule this weekend: If watching your child play sports causes you to spew f-bombs at your own child\u2019s team, it\u2019s time for family counseling. Thomas Wurtz has a great article up at CatholicMom.com on signs that competitive athletics are turning you into a monster. \u00a0After bouncing a number of thoughts […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[418,216],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-facepalm","category-its-all-catholic"],"yoast_head":"\n