{"id":4952,"date":"2016-11-10T09:35:18","date_gmt":"2016-11-10T14:35:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/jenniferfitz\/?p=4952"},"modified":"2016-11-11T09:08:18","modified_gmt":"2016-11-11T14:08:18","slug":"calexit-refugees-need-your-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/jenniferfitz\/2016\/11\/calexit-refugees-need-your-help\/","title":{"rendered":"Calexit Refugees Need Your Help!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Quick update: The piece below is satire (and was tagged as such from the outset), but a few people missed the memo. \u00a0The Calexit ballot initiative, however, is not<\/a>. \u00a0You can read the detailed Q&A on the 2019 referendum initiative here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Friends,<\/p>\n

I am writing to you in these tumultuous times<\/strong> to ask for your help<\/em><\/strong> with a very important work of mercy \u2014 a whole collection of works of mercy, in fact. \u00a0Now before I make my plea, let me begin by thanking you<\/strong> for your hard work and dedication to the good of this country.<\/p>\n

I have seen the fervor<\/em><\/strong> with which you have reacted to the news of a pending Calexit<\/a>. \u00a0Some of you have gazed in disbelief at the news reports. \u00a0Can this really be happening? Is it possible for us to shed California without the assistance of a massive earthquake?? \u00a0We have only to look across the Atlantic to know that such marvels can indeed come to pass.<\/p>\n

But others of you, reading the signs of the time, have sprung to action in the quest for national harmony<\/em><\/strong> at this critical hour. \u00a0You have sacrificed<\/strong> your November ammunition budget, or dug into your stash of gold coins, and contributed to collections for the building of a border wall across the desert and mountains of the western edge of what is often called \u201cEast California\u201d but are actually American states known as Nevada and Arizona. \u00a0You have shipped crates of\u00a0Duck Dynasty<\/em> t-shirts to be mounted on flag poles to help lost hikers identify the border where the wall is not yet complete.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s not all!<\/em> <\/strong>\u00a0You have gone door to door in your neighborhoods looking for stranded Californians and offering them space in the beds of your pick-ups for the long journey west. \u00a0Many of your churches have participated in the \u201cBaybound\u201d alternate emergency bus company,\u00a0canceling youth group holiday mission trips so that expats could be delivered home immediately, without having to stop at the bus depot in Reno and risk succumbing to second thoughts.<\/p>\n

For all these works, you are to be commended.<\/strong> \u00a0But now I beg of you, in your enthusiasm, not to forget those who need you most<\/strong><\/em>: Californians who wish to remain American citizens.<\/p>\n

Please remember, in your charity, that there are residents living in pockets of the west coast who do in fact have the sense God gave a doughnut<\/strong>, and they assiduously desire to retain citizenship in a functioning democracy. \u00a0This Sunday, churches and gun stores across the red states will be taking up collections to help these hapless victims of circumstance escape while there\u2019s still time. \u00a0Please be as generous as you are able<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

During this collection, we\u2019ll also begin organizing Transition Assistance Teams to provide mentoring and practical help to the refugees resettling in your area. \u00a0Please consider<\/em> whether would you be able to help with any of these important goals of cultural re-integration<\/strong>:<\/p>\n