I don\u2019t tell a lot of personal stories, but here\u2019s one: I was staying with another family as a teenager, and the teenage son, same age as me, got the idea that he should to come to my bedroom and inform me he\u2019d arrived for intercourse. The tone was a little difficult to read \u2014 was he joking? He claimed afterwards he was. But the words were not difficult to understand at all, rather unequivocal, so I kneed him in the groin.<\/p>\n
(The fact that he was close enough to be on the receiving end of that response tells you a little more. I didn\u2019t have to disturb myself and cross the room to carry out the counter-offensive.)<\/p>\n
He proceeded to get upset at me for doing that, and to inform me that I needed to be more careful, as such behavior on my part could cause serious injury.<\/p>\n
Well, darling, that behavior on your part is what got you injured.<\/p>\n
Another word was never said. I\u2019m sure I immediately garnered the reputation among our mutual friends as the resident prude. I also never had another untoward advance during the time I was staying with that family. Guess what? My reputation was deserved and earned. Call it prudery or call it clear communication, do not present yourself in my bedroom even jokingly soliciting sexual favors.<\/p>\n
Nothing I did brought on that advance.<\/p>\n
Whatever caused that young man to think he could get away with that behavior, it wasn\u2019t me. Not every intern who\u2019s been groped by a Clinton or Trump was \u201casking for it.\u201d People who want to get away with deviant behavior aren\u2019t sitting around wringing their hands waiting for an invitation. You cannot control the fact that there are people like Trump out there in this world.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
One of the discussion topics that the #MeToo initiative has brought forward is the question of modesty.\u00a0 Modesty serves many good purposes, but thwarting sexual harrassment, abuse, and rape\u00a0are not among them.\u00a0\u00a0Whom Does Modesty Serve?<\/a>\u00a0is my post here on Patheos on that topic.<\/p>\n
For another angle:\u00a0Modesty as the Language of Mutual Respect<\/a>. When I was rummaging around the archives, this post from Dr. Greg Popcak came up:\u00a0The Challenge of Authentic Modesty\u20135 Things to Do. 1 Thing to Avoid.<\/a>\u00a0 Providential work from Mr. Google \u2014 that particular post focuses on the fact that we cannot control other people\u2019s inner (or outer) life.<\/p>\n
Harassment is different* from abuse or rape (not all abuse is rape, but all rape is abuse).\u00a0 \u00a0Just Tell the Police<\/a>\u00a0is my article at Amazing Catechists about\u00a0 my experience being involved in two sexual abuse cases (one of them a rape allegation) and why going to the police, ASAP, is what you should do.<\/p>\n
\u2013> I\u2019m horrified every time I hear a Catholic wonder what, oh what, should we doooooo if we become aware of a child being abused by a parish staff member or volunteer.\u00a0 It\u2019s not complicated.\u00a0 Call the police.\u00a0 After you\u2019ve done that, as the situation warrants give a head\u2019s up to whomever at the parish or diocese also needs that information.\u00a0 But the secular authorities are the ones who prosecute crimes, so they are the ones you contact first.\u00a0 Done.<\/p>\n
Why are People So Lewd??<\/h3>\n
Something that\u2019s sad-disturbing-ironic is the number of people I\u2019ve seen on social media expressing their shock and dismay at discovering how much sexual ill-treatment is out there.\u00a0 (Not everyone has been on the receiving end of sexual harassment specifically \u2014 it\u2019s a fallen world, but the debris is littered unevenly.)<\/p>\n
It should not be a surprise.\u00a0 Of course there are men and women who think all the world is their sexual stage.\u00a0 I know this because the ladies at the antique mall thought I was the crazy one when I didn\u2019t think they ought to have porn out.\u00a0 The story\u2019s here:\u00a0When People Tell Your Kids that Porn is Just Fine<\/a>.\u00a0 In\u00a050 Shades of Donald Trump<\/a>\u00a0I review the topic from other angles, and share some #MeToo stories from back when we were all busy protesting so-called \u201clocker room talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sexual Harassment Doesn\u2019t Discriminate<\/h3>\n
Some of the most harrowing stories of abuse and rape that I\u2019ve seen shared by friends on social media have come from men.\u00a0 #MeToo isn\u2019t a \u201cfeminist\u201d issue, except inasmuch as your understanding of feminism is a profound respect for all persons \u2014 as it should be.<\/p>\n
I agree with a male friend who shared his frustration that in the current social climate women can get away with sexually harassing behavior towards out-of-power men.\u00a0 \u00a0 It\u2019s all part of the sex-ed paradox: We\u2019re all supposed to be utterly incapable of self-control if the topic of contraception, abortion, and STD\u2019s are on the table, but anyone who admits to wishing we\u2019d observe some of the decorum that helped previous generations practice chastity is a lust-crazed misogynist who just needs to learn some self-control.<\/p>\n
Men are not the only ones who get pariah-treatment if they express unpopular opinions.\u00a0 At Catholic Vote:\u00a0#MeToo: My Harassment Came at the Hands Of Male \u2018Feminists\u2019<\/a>.<\/p>\n
Guess what?\u00a0 There are women who do not condone harrassment, abuse, or rape . . . and who can also make up their own minds about public policy and personal matters both.\u00a0 If that\u2019s you, visit\u00a0Women Speak for Themselves<\/a>.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
*UPDATE to clarify and emphasize: Age disparities and the vulnerability of the victim are important in making these distinctions.\u00a0 The #MeToo incident I describe above would be, if it occurred between an adult and a minor at your parish, an act of outright abuse that calls for police involvement.<\/p>\n
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