following along<\/a> with the daily Mass readings, and we\u2019ll be to that story shortly. \u00a0Meanwhile: If you think you know someone who is so far gone he\u2019s beyond redemption, you are wrong. \u00a0Consider investing in a good pair of shades in case you\u2019re present when the flash of blinding light comes.)<\/p>\nMeanwhile, a good friend sent me a heartening message on Facebook. \u00a0We haven\u2019t seen each other in ages, but our friendship dates back to many years before she and I washed up on opposite shores of the cultural divide. \u00a0Despite our current differences, she was and remains one of the people who has had the most profound impact on my moral formation, in a very, very, very good way. \u00a0I wouldn\u2019t be who I am today without the good example she put into my life.<\/p>\n
The essence of her message: Just because you\u2019re publicly wrong-headed, Jen, doesn\u2019t mean we\u2019re not friends anymore. \u00a0(She said it much more graciously than that.)<\/p>\n
I was glad, since that means the feeling\u2019s mutual.<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s the thing about family: No matter how wacky you get, if your family is doing what it\u2019s supposed to do, you still get a seat at the table come Thanksgiving*.<\/p>\n
That doesn\u2019t mean the relatives are going to greet you with a giant banner that says, \u201cI approve of every single thing you do!\u201d \u00a0It doesn\u2019t mean that everyone\u2019s going to give a hearty, \u201cHere here!\u201d to your bizarre political opinions.<\/p>\n
It means that you are loved and loveable despite all that. \u00a0Your worthiness of love is not about being this perfect person, it\u2019s about being a person. \u00a0You belong not because you meet spec, but because belonging has nothing to do with meeting spec.<\/p>\n
People have a hard time with this concept<\/strong>. \u00a0 There\u2019s a tendency to either mimic Saul the Persecutor, ready to destroy anyone who doesn\u2019t meet approval, or to fear Saul around every corner, taking the least disagreement as a sign of outright rejection: If you don\u2019t agree with everything I think, say, and do, you must hate me<\/em>. \u00a0But after his conversion, what did now-Paul do? \u00a0He got out of the persecution game, and took to using reason \u2014 and love \u2014 to make his case.<\/p>\n***<\/p>\n
In certain moral arguments, the Nazi at the Door scenario tends to surface. \u00a0Surely it would be okay to ___________ if Nazis were at your door, right?<\/em>\u00a0 It is, mostly, very bad logic: You might under duress do something you really shouldn\u2019t, and we\u2019d understand that you were under duress. \u00a0I have a hard time behaving even when I\u2019m properly fed and caffeinated, it\u2019s no surprise that I might resort to bad behavior in the face of a mortal threat.<\/p>\nBut in the case of friendship, I think the Nazi at the Door scenario is just the thing: If the persecutors came looking for you, would I be willing to risk my own safety in order to get you good and hidden? \u00a0Even though you think wrong-headed things? \u00a0Would you do the same for me? \u00a0Even though I think wrong-headed things?<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t actually know how brave I\u2019d really be until the henchman\u2019s at the door. \u00a0But I can begin to measure my friendships by at least considering how brave I\u2019d want to be.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
*If you try to do things like kill your family, or molest the children, or go into a drunken rage at the sight of cranberry sauce . . . \u00a0they don\u2019t have to have you in for dinner. \u00a0They get to love you from afar, in that case. \u00a0But let\u2019s say you pose no threat to life, limb or sanity.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Artwork: By Jacopo & Domenico Tintoretto (Stoning of St Stephen) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"The readings yesterday and today give us the martyrdom of St. Stephen, who made his audience so mad with his preaching that they stoned him to death. That audience included the future St. Paul, whose conversion came while he was on his way up to Damascus\u00a0for the purpose of finding more Christians to kill. \u00a0(Keep […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1209,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,51,162,216],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-catholic-qa","category-forgiveness","category-human-rights","category-its-all-catholic"],"yoast_head":"\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/commons.wikimedia.org\/wiki\/File:St_stephen.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n