{"id":15861,"date":"2019-09-24T03:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-09-24T09:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?p=15861"},"modified":"2019-09-20T18:19:20","modified_gmt":"2019-09-21T00:19:20","slug":"how-long-do-you-really-want-to-live","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2019\/09\/how-long-do-you-really-want-to-live.html","title":{"rendered":"How Long Do You Really Want To Live?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Last month I came across an article titled A Doctor and Medical Ethicist Argues Life After 75 is Not Worth Living<\/a>. It\u2019s a follow-up interview to this 2014 essay by Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel Why I Hope to Die at 75<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Ezekiel Emanuel isn\u2019t some random doctor. He\u2019s chair of the University of Pennsylvania\u2019s department of medical ethics and health policy, he was an advisor in the Obama administration, and his brother is former Chicago mayor Rahm Emanuel.<\/p>\n

Both pieces have the kind of titles that while not exactly clickbait, provoke an immediate response \u2013 in my case, a negative response. After reading them carefully and giving them a fair amount of thought, I think Dr. Emanuel is both very right and very wrong.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

He\u2019s right that our mainstream society spends far too much on prolonging life. Our fear of death and loss causes us to spend billions of dollars extending our lives and the lives of our loved ones by a few months \u2013 months frequently spent in suffering and indignity. We treat our pets with far more compassion.<\/p>\n

But he\u2019s wrong that this is a question of consumption vs. contribution. Here\u2019s a key quote:<\/p>\n

If you look at really smart people, there aren\u2019t that many writing brand-new books after 75, and really developing new areas where they are leading thinkers. They tend to be re-tilling familiar areas that they\u2019ve worked on for a long time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

No. Your worth and your worthiness to live are not dependent on your productivity. They are the inherent properties of a living being.<\/p>\n

Rather than a line-by-line critique of these two pieces, I\u2019d rather use them as a jumping off point for my own thoughts on aging and death. I think about them more these days. While I\u2019m in mostly good health, I\u2019m a lot closer to 75 than I am to 25, and I\u2019m starting to feel it.<\/p>\n

But I have plans for the rest of my life, and they extend well past age 75.<\/p>\n

Existence is not living<\/h1>\n

Let\u2019s deal first with what Dr. Emanuel got right. Quality of life matters more than quantity of life. In 2011 I wrote How Doctors Die<\/a> in response to another post by a doctor. I said:<\/p>\n

Some diseases and conditions simply can\u2019t be cured. And the older and sicker you are, the less chance you have of recovery. In these cases, \u201ctreatment\u201d \u2013 which is usually painful and extremely expensive \u2013 doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll get well. It means you\u2019ll live a few weeks or a few months longer, in (or at least, in and out of) a hospital, in discomfort.<\/p>\n

Do you really want to do that? Do you really want to subject someone you love to what Dr. Murray says is \u201cmisery we would not inflict on a terrorist\u201d?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

A good friend works in a geriatric hospital. He has a long list of horror stories of families insisting on surgery after surgery to try to keep their 90+ year old parents alive a little longer, refusing to accept that they\u2019re never going to get well, and refusing to let them go.<\/p>\n

Lying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines isn\u2019t living. If you\u2019re never going to be able to go home, interact with your friends and family, or just enjoy a TV show, why do you want to stick around?<\/p>\n

Why would you want to keep your loved ones around in such a state?<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Death is part of life<\/h1>\n

A long time ago I heard someone say \u201cdeath isn\u2019t the opposite of life. Death is the opposite of birth.\u201d Birth and death are simply the end points of life. Or perhaps, the transition points<\/a>.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t the time to speculate on reincarnation or the afterlife. This is the time to accept that whatever death is, it will eventually come for all of us.<\/p>\n

Not all deaths are good deaths. Children dying is a bad thing. Lives cut short by war, crime, and accidents are a bad thing. People dying because of lack of access to affordable health care is a disgrace.<\/p>\n

But old people dying? That\u2019s a natural thing, an ordinary thing \u2013 a privilege many will never have.<\/p>\n

Certainly the fear of the unknown has something to do with the fear of death. But I think a lot of it \u2013 at least in this country \u2013 comes from so many people being Christian enough to fear going to hell without being Christian enough to be confident of going to heaven.<\/p>\n

As a Pagan, I don\u2019t expect heaven or hell. But this is one of the reasons I advocate against persistent \u201cseeking.\u201d Comfort in the face of death doesn\u2019t come from a little Jesus, a little Buddha, and a little Ralph Waldo Emerson. Comfort in the face of death<\/a> comes from spiritual depth, and that only comes through consistent practice in one tradition.<\/p>\n

This we know: all that lives will someday die. Let\u2019s prepare ourselves for the inevitable.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Now let\u2019s look at what Dr. Emanuel got wrong.<\/p>\n

Your worth isn\u2019t dependent on your productivity<\/h1>\n

I\u2019m not a radical, but it\u2019s hard to look at someone wondering \u201cwhether our consumption is worth our contribution in old age\u201d without thinking about how capitalism dehumanizes and commodifies us all.<\/p>\n

For at least as long as we\u2019ve been human, we\u2019ve cared for our elders. This is in part because it\u2019s the right thing to do, in part because we love them, and in part because we know someday we\u2019ll be old and we hope someone will care for us.<\/p>\n

Particularly in this modern society filled with excess on top of gaudy excess, there is no moral justification for not making sure everyone has enough, including those who are no longer \u201cproductive.\u201d That someone with the standing (and presumably, the wealth) of a well-connected doctor thinks otherwise points to an ethical rot in the mainstream society.<\/p>\n

Independence comes at a high cost<\/h1>\n

The idea of a family as a man, a woman, two kids, and a dog living in their own house is a post-World War II American idea meant to stimulate consumption and promote economic growth. For most of civilized history, a family has been at least three generations sharing a house and contributing to the common welfare of all.<\/p>\n

Three of my grandparents died at home \u2013 my parents (mainly my mother) took care of them in their last days. This is the way the vast majority of people have lived and died throughout history. Today my mother lives in a retirement community \u2013 I\u2019m 800 miles away from her. I have no children \u2013 who\u2019s going to care for me in my old age?<\/p>\n

We have largely outsourced the care of our elders. Considering most of that work was (and is) done by women, it\u2019s hard to argue against outsourcing from an ethical standpoint. But even ignoring the financial costs that concern Dr. Emanuel, we cannot ignore the personal costs.<\/p>\n

An elderly person living at home is a member of the family. Even if they\u2019re incapable of doing any work, they can still tell stories, embody and teach values, and make valuable memories for the young.<\/p>\n

In a public facility, they\u2019re just a customer\u2026 and unless they have a lot of money, a not-very-well-appreciated customer.<\/p>\n

As a child I wanted to get away from home. As an adult I enjoy my independence. I have no regrets as I approach old age, but I realize that independence carries a cost and I\u2019m still considering how I\u2019m going to pay it.<\/p>\n

I suspect that the Long Descent will send all but the very rich back into the multi-generational housing model. But for those of us caught in the middle, we need to think carefully about how we will live in our old age, so that we are living in a way we find both meaningful and sustainable.<\/p>\n

Planning for retirement<\/h1>\n

There are two models of retirement in our mainstream society. Neither is helpful for the vast majority of us.<\/p>\n

The advertising world tells us retirement is when we travel and enjoy the things we never had time for when we were working, all while living in luxury\u2026 and in perfect health.<\/p>\n

The other model says \u201cI\u2019ll never be able to retire \u2013 I\u2019m going to work till I die.\u201d That model ignores the fact that the older you get, the harder it is to find and keep good employment. It also assumes you\u2019ll be physically capable of working indefinitely, which is highly unlikely.<\/p>\n

The financial aspects of retirement are beyond the scope of this post, regardless of your level of income and wealth. What I\u2019m doing is unlikely to work for you, for a variety of reasons. I encourage you to believe the finance industry on one thing, though: the time to start planning for retirement is in your 20s, not in your 50s.<\/p>\n

More relevant to this post are the spiritual, emotional, and social aspects of retirement. What will you do when you are no longer doing what brought structure (if not exactly deep meaning) to your life for decades?<\/p>\n

My plan is to be a full time Druid for as long as my health holds up. Writing, teaching, and speaking will be my day job instead of my second job. When I can\u2019t do that anymore, I\u2019ll cut back to what I can do and be more of a monk. And when I can\u2019t do that anymore then the end of this life will be pretty close.<\/p>\n

This is my plan. You need to make your own\u2026 and the older you are, the more urgent it is that you make it now.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Planning for the end of life<\/h1>\n

I\u2019ve never feared death, but I\u2019ve always feared dying badly.<\/p>\n

I understand Dr. Emanuel\u2019s fear of being \u201cdecrepit and falling apart.\u201d While I am making plans to have a fulfilling life after my physical capabilities are greatly diminished, I have no desire to prolong a mere existence through extraordinary means.<\/p>\n

At the same time, his reasoning disturbs me. Our collective resources are not unlimited, but we certainly have enough to care for all our elders in a respectful manner, regardless of how \u201cproductive\u201d they are or were during their working years. Our debate should be about how we do this, not whether we do it.<\/p>\n

As with death, the time to think about your old age is not when it is imminent, but on a bright Fall day when all is well and you feel like you\u2019re going to be young forever. Plan now so that when the inevitable comes, you\u2019re ready for it.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A prominent doctor says life after 75 isn\u2019t worth living. While he has a couple valid points, his reasoning is disturbing. In any case, the time to contemplate your old age is when you\u2019re still young and healthy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1129,"featured_media":15873,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1834,2727,4,5,2724],"class_list":["post-15861","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-aging","tag-ezekiel-emanuel","tag-pagan","tag-paganism","tag-retirement"],"yoast_head":"\nHow Long Do You Really Want To Live?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A prominent doctor says life after 75 isn\u2019t worth living. While he has a couple valid points, his reasoning is disturbing. 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