I stood there as calm as could be, knowing they couldn\u2019t hurt me.<\/p>\n
And then I woke up.<\/p>\n There were other details I\u2019m not going to share, though less because they\u2019re too intimate and more because they wouldn\u2019t mean anything to anyone but me. They\u2019re the kind of touchstones that let me know this was more than random brain activity, and that told me this dream wasn\u2019t just for me.<\/p>\n How can you walk into a religiously hostile environment and walk out unscathed?<\/p>\n Saudi Arabia beheads people<\/a> for apostacy and witchcraft. In other countries, people suspected of witchcraft<\/a> are beaten and killed. Religious violence in this country is more often directed at Muslims<\/a>, but protestors sometimes show up at Pagan events and you\u2019re never sure when they might turn violent.<\/p>\n For most of us, though, this is rare. I\u2019ve been a public Pagan for 17 years and I\u2019ve only had a couple of confrontations, none of which got remotely close to physical violence. More common are aggressive proselytizing, verbal assaults, and discrimination in employment and public accommodations. All those can hurt terribly even if they don\u2019t physically injure you.<\/p>\n People who are dependent on religiously intolerant families are in a particularly difficult spot, especially children (of any age) who are financially dependent on parents. So are parents who must deal with separated or blended families for the good of their children.<\/p>\n Words can hurt you and sometimes you can\u2019t just walk away.<\/p>\n But sometimes you need a book badly enough to go to a fundamentalist seminary to get it.<\/p>\n In 2015 I wrote Escaping Fundamentalism<\/a>, based on my own experience in trying to recover from the abusive religion of my childhood. Whether it\u2019s fundamentalist Christianity, aggressive atheism, or any other \u201cmy way is the only way\u201d religion or philosophy, the first step in recovery is to get out.<\/p>\n The second step \u2013 a series of many steps \u2013 is to build a strong Pagan identity. Figure out who you are, who your Gods are, and what your path is. This doesn\u2019t come quickly \u2013 it took me many years \u2013 but if you don\u2019t get started and work diligently toward it, you\u2019ll never get there.<\/p>\n We Pagans like to say \u201cwhat you believe doesn\u2019t matter \u2013 what matters is what you do.\u201d And so too many of us neglect the philosophical and theological foundations of our religions. What we do ultimately matters more, but we need to understand \u2013 at a very basic level \u2013 why we do what we do and what it means.<\/p>\n I caught some flak last year for writing A Pagan Creed For Non-Creedal Pagans<\/a>. Some people are convinced that once we begin writing down what we believe, it\u2019s a short walk to insisting that everyone recite the same creed every week. I think the odds on that happening are small, and I\u2019m certain that working out what you believe and why you believe it is worth the risk.<\/p>\n Before you can debate religion and expect to win, you have to be confident in your Pagan identity. There\u2019s a bit of chicken or egg thing here, because some of that confidence comes from taking on your opponents and holding your own. But it\u2019s best if you\u2019ve done the foundational work up front.<\/p>\n Before you begin any sort of battle \u2013 whether physical or metaphorical \u2013 define the terms of victory. How will you know when you\u2019ve won? It\u2019s nice to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women, but victory is rarely that clear and absolute.<\/p>\n You will not convert your family to Paganism. You won\u2019t get them to stop being fundamentalists. You\u2019re not likely to get them to even admit you might be right. So what can you win?<\/p>\n I feel like I\u2019ve won when I\u2019ve made my case and kept my composure. If I cause my opponent to stumble or to contradict themselves (even if they won\u2019t admit it) that feels even better. But mainly, I won if I spoke the truth as I see it.<\/p>\n Sometimes you\u2019re not arguing for yourself. Sometimes you\u2019re arguing to support others who can\u2019t argue. You take on your racist uncle and your cousins hear that his way isn\u2019t the only way. They may not be able to risk speaking up, but now they know they\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n Sometimes I speak up because lies and misinformation offend me and I want the truth to be heard. You can criticize Daesh and the Taliban (I\u2019ve certainly done it<\/a> enough times) without telling lies about Islam.<\/p>\n If you know when you\u2019ve won, you know when you can stop fighting.<\/p>\n You are under no obligation to be all Pagan all the time. If your goal is to get through a family dinner with minimal stress or to land a job you need, maybe this is the time to tuck your pentacle inside your shirt. \u201cDon\u2019t ask, don\u2019t tell\u201d was a lousy way to run the military, but it\u2019s helped me avoid a lot of unpleasant arguments.<\/p>\n You shouldn\u2019t have to do this. Everyone should be free to proudly proclaim their religious identity, as well as any other identity. But \u201cshould be\u201d and \u201cis\u201d are rarely in alignment.<\/p>\n Every year at National Coming Out Day my LGBTQ friends post social media reminders not to out anyone who hasn\u2019t outed themselves. Even in this post-Obergefell<\/em> world, some people aren\u2019t still aren\u2019t safe being openly gay.<\/p>\n The same is true of the \u201cbroom closet.\u201d Protect yourself first. Come out if you can. Take on bigots and bullies when you\u2019re ready.<\/p>\n And if you aren\u2019t, live to fight another day.<\/p>\n You may choose to limit your argument to simply demanding respect for your religious freedom. If you\u2019re in a public environment (job, school, etc.) that\u2019s not just an ethical request \u2013 it\u2019s a legal right.<\/p>\n Everyone has the right to follow the dictates of their conscience. Thomas Jefferson\u2019s Letter to the Danbury Baptists<\/a> (the origin of the phrase \u201cwall of separation between church and state\u201d) says \u201creligion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God.\u201d The Quran says \u201cno compulsion is there in religion\u201d (Surah 2:256).<\/p>\n I have occasionally quoted Martin Luther: \u201chere I stand, I can do no other.\u201d As a polytheist I like to say \u201cmany different Gods call many different people to worship Them in many different ways.\u201d I don\u2019t judge people by their beliefs or their spiritual practices \u2013 I judge them by how they act, especially how they treat other people. There\u2019s a light year of difference between Evangelicals who believe their way is the only way but who still treat other people with dignity and respect, and the Westboro Baptist Church.<\/p>\n Insisting that people judge you on your actions is always a fair demand.<\/p>\n Once you\u2019ve decided to engage, make sure you fight on your terms, not on theirs.<\/p>\n Do not argue from the bible. It can be fun to show that you know the bible better than your bible-thumping grandfather, but when you argue from the bible, you reinforce the idea that the bible is a legitimate source of authority. It is not. My standard line is \u201cthe bible is a collection of writings by and for a particular group of people living in a particular place and time.\u201d<\/p>\n If you argue with science, make sure you argue with good, solid science. Bad science makes bad religion<\/a>. And make sure you don\u2019t let the good news of science drag you into the pit of materialism<\/a> \u2013 the idea that there only matter and the product of its interactions. Animism<\/a> indicates otherwise.<\/p>\n Your spiritual experiences are always valid, and you can always speak with authority about what you experienced. Now, your interpretations may be more accurate or less accurate, so be careful of trying to argue from your own UPG. At the same time, never let anyone tell you what you heard and saw and felt wasn\u2019t real. It was \u2013 and other people have these experiences<\/a> more than they often admit.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/243\/2020\/03\/Morrigan-03.02.20-01.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nSometimes they can<\/em> hurt you<\/h1>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/243\/2020\/03\/church-02.22.20-01.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nFirst, build a Pagan identity<\/h1>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/243\/2020\/03\/Brighid-obscured-by-smoke-02.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nDefine the terms of victory<\/h1>\n
A battle avoided is a battle won<\/h1>\n
![\"closed](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/243\/2020\/03\/16-252-Salzburg-Castle.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\nReligious freedom is for everyone<\/h1>\n
Play on your own field<\/h1>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/243\/2020\/03\/ECG-2012-field.jpg\")
<\/a><\/p>\n