{"id":21413,"date":"2021-02-07T03:00:23","date_gmt":"2021-02-07T09:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?p=21413"},"modified":"2021-02-04T19:29:53","modified_gmt":"2021-02-05T01:29:53","slug":"fighting-imposter-syndrome-as-a-pagan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2021\/02\/fighting-imposter-syndrome-as-a-pagan.html","title":{"rendered":"Fighting Imposter Syndrome as a Pagan"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Fellow Denton Pagan Linda Masten asked this:<\/p>\n

What is imposter syndrome? How does it relate to religion generally, and Paganism specifically? What\u2019s the cure?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Imposter syndrome is the self-doubt that what you do isn\u2019t real or isn\u2019t good enough \u2013 the fear that you don\u2019t belong. It\u2019s the feeling that you\u2019re just faking it, and the fear that sooner or later someone is going to see through your charade and call you on it.<\/p>\n

Here are two good articles on imposter syndrome. One is from the American Psychological Association<\/a>. The other is from Psychology Today<\/em><\/a>. That piece focuses on women, but it\u2019s applicable to anyone.<\/p>\n

At its core, imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon. If your problems with it are severe or persistent, you may want to consult a mental health professional \u2013 which I am not. But imposter syndrome in a religious setting is very common and rarely debilitating (though it can suck the joy out of our religious practices and experiences), plus I have both first and second hand experience in dealing with it. So I have some things to say about this that hopefully will be helpful. If this isn\u2019t enough, you may want to see a professional.<\/p>\n

There are two different ways imposter syndrome impacts our religious lives. The first is with doubts that the whole thing is real. The second is with doubts that we\u2019re as good or as real as other people in our traditions and communities.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Imposter syndrome or ordinary doubts?<\/h2>\n

I\u2019m not sure where imposter syndrome ends and ordinary doubts begin.<\/p>\n

Our mainstream society is infected with the idea that religion is all about what you believe. That\u2019s bad enough. Then fundamentalist Christianity insists you must believe that certain myths are literally true and that doubts are a sin. Meanwhile, militant atheists argue that since Christian myths aren\u2019t literally true all religion is worthless.<\/p>\n

That debate is a waste of time based on bad assumptions and we need not \u2013 and should not \u2013 participate in it. For most people throughout most of the world throughout most of history, religion was and is about what you do, who you are, and whose you are, not what you believe.<\/p>\n

Most people go a lifetime without seeing a God with their physical eyes. In a society where religion is assumed to be literal, how could we not<\/em> have doubts about Them?<\/p>\n

Magic works by improving the odds, not by direct action. How can we ever be sure our magic really worked?<\/p>\n

Nobody has proof. Most of us have experiences that lead us to believe these things are real, and a few of those experiences are strong enough they make it hard to doubt.<\/p>\n

But not impossible. Not for me, and if they were being perfectly honest, not for the vast majority of deeply religious people across the religious spectrum.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s good to have these doubts. Doubts keep us humble. Doubts keep us honest.<\/p>\n

Is it fraud to practice a religion when you aren\u2019t sure the beliefs it teaches are true? Only if you think belief is the essence of religion.<\/p>\n

And for Pagans \u2013 and pretty much everyone else besides fundamentalists \u2013 it isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

If you feel like an imposter for practicing a religion you aren\u2019t 100% sure is true, you\u2019re playing by the rules of a different religion.<\/p>\n

\u201cOther people\u2019s Paganism \/ witchcraft is so much more than mine\u201d<\/h2>\n

This, I think, is more of a problem for most of us than the doubts discussed above. How can I be a real Pagan when I don\u2019t do all the things I read about on the internet? How can I be a real polytheist when I\u2019ve never had the ecstatic experiences some people talk about? How can I be a real witch when I don\u2019t look like the Witches of Instagram?<\/p>\n

Particularly with witchcraft (but also with our encounters with the Gods) we\u2019re already influenced by what we see and read in movies and fiction. We know we can\u2019t do things like that, but when we hear something that sounds a lot closer to it than anything we\u2019ve ever done, we start to wonder if something is wrong with us.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s good to talk about our spiritual experiences \u2013 especially the strange ones. Most of us have them, but we suppress them or rationalize them away because we\u2019re afraid of people thinking we\u2019re crazy\u2026 or thinking that we\u2019re lying. When one person shares their experiences<\/a>, it reminds the rest of us that we\u2019re not crazy \u2013 and we\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n

But I don\u2019t believe every story I hear. Sometimes the story is just too implausible. Sometimes the storyteller isn\u2019t believable. Sometimes it sounds good, but then I do some divination and alarms start going off.<\/p>\n

The more people make it about themselves \u2013 especially when they start talking about \u201cgifts\u201d and \u201cbloodlines\u201d stuff like that \u2013 the less I\u2019m inclined to believe them. When they talk about how cool these things are and not about the responsibilities that come with them<\/a>, I\u2019m really inclined to think they\u2019re making things up\u2026 or that they\u2019re about to come crashing down when the reality of it all smacks them in the face.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Setting realistic expectations<\/h2>\n

Even if what we hear from others is the absolute truth, it\u2019s only a snapshot of a moment in someone\u2019s life. The other 99% of the time their lives are as ordinary as anyone else\u2019s. If we\u2019re not careful we can judge our ordinary days by someone else\u2019s once-a-year or once-in-a-lifetime days. That can lead to imposter syndrome.<\/p>\n

Real religious experiences are usually subtle. Often they\u2019re ineffable, not because it\u2019s forbidden to speak of them but because they can\u2019t be adequately expressed in words. If we set our expectations based on other people\u2019s peak experiences \u2013 or worse, on the lies and exaggerations of egomaniacs \u2013 we can overlook the wonder and awe of Nature, the whispers of the Gods, or the tiny bit of magic that pushed us over the line from failure to success.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m really a bad Pagan\u201d<\/h2>\n

For some people, imposter syndrome is less about the experiences they do or don\u2019t have and more about how they actually practice their religion. They\u2019re left with the idea that all \u201creal\u201d Pagans know the current phase of moon at every moment or only eat organic food or do this or that practice on a regular basis.<\/p>\n

A couple years ago Jason Mankey wrote Bad Witch: Things Other Witches Do That I Don\u2019t<\/a>. Jason would be the first to tell you he\u2019s not the model for what a witch or a Wiccan or a Pagan should be, but if someone with his experience and knowledge doesn\u2019t do all these things, why should any of us feel like we have to?<\/p>\n

I frequently rant against the idea that Paganism is whatever you want it to be. The Pagan movement may not have hard boundaries, but some things are inside our Big Tent<\/a> and some things aren\u2019t. Still, there is no One True Way.<\/p>\n

More than that, there is room in our religions for people at all levels of commitment and participation. My religion<\/a> is not just for mystics and priests \u2013 it\u2019s also for accountants and auto mechanics, for people who just want to honor the Gods and live virtuous ordinary lives.<\/p>\n

We are not all called to do the same things. Our wider community is best served by participants from many walks of life, filling many roles, in many different ways.<\/p>\n

Find your place, where ever it may be.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Focus on your practice<\/h2>\n

What\u2019s the cure for imposter syndrome? For me, it\u2019s a question of responsibilities. I\u2019m responsible for doing what I\u2019ve been called to do. Or if you prefer, I\u2019m responsible for doing what I know I need to be doing, here and now.<\/p>\n

That starts with daily spiritual practice. It includes my weekly, monthly, and seasonal devotions and celebrations. It\u2019s writing about what I do and teaching what I know.<\/p>\n

If someone else has deeper devotions, bigger rituals, or writes more books, good for them \u2013 that helps our wider movement. If I really want to be more like them, then I have to be willing to do what they do (writing books is hard!). And in some cases they may have talents and abilities I simply don\u2019t have. I\u2019ve made myself into a good speaker, but I\u2019m never going to be a great speaker \u2013 I don\u2019t have the natural talent for it.<\/p>\n

A successful religious movement needs people filling many roles at many levels of expertise and commitment. They are all necessary and beneficial, and they\u2019re all real.<\/p>\n

If it helps, it\u2019s real<\/h2>\n

Is all of this real? Am I a real Pagan and a real Druid? Am I as valid as the people I look up to? If you give me enough whiskey to remove all my inhibitions, my answer will be \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

But here\u2019s what I do know. My experiences are real<\/a>. My magic works well enough and often enough that I keep doing it because it helps.<\/p>\n

Mainly, my life is orders of magnitude better since I started following this Pagan path. My desire to keep following this path and to take it farther and deeper is greater than my fear of feeling like I\u2019m faking it all.<\/p>\n

It helps. That makes it all real enough for me.<\/p>\n

Watch \u201cThe Fraud Police\u201d<\/h2>\n

This video is musician Amanda Palmer\u2019s 11-minute commencement speech to The New England Institute of Art in 2011. Whatever you think of Amanda Palmer as a musician or as a performance artist, she is 100% right in this speech. I watch it at least once a year \u2013 it\u2019s the best \u201curgent care\u201d for imposter syndrome I\u2019ve ever found.<\/p>\n