{"id":22031,"date":"2021-04-11T03:00:24","date_gmt":"2021-04-11T09:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?p=22031"},"modified":"2021-04-09T13:10:52","modified_gmt":"2021-04-09T19:10:52","slug":"what-do-we-teach-the-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2021\/04\/what-do-we-teach-the-children.html","title":{"rendered":"What Do We Teach the Children? A Question for Pagans and Others"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

There is perhaps no knottier problem than that of children and religion.<\/p>\n

I have no children, by choice. Some think that disqualifies me from having an opinion on this question. I think it allows me to be more objective. In any case, I have Pagan friends who are raising their children to be Pagans in their tradition. I have other friends who deliberately exclude their children from their religious and magical practices \u2013 they want their kids to make their own choices in complete freedom.<\/p>\n

In both cases \u2013 and in the many cases in between \u2013 I see a lot of reaction, especially reaction to the parents\u2019 religious upbringing. Those who had a good experience with religion growing up want to provide a similar experience for their children. Those who had a negative experience want to spare their kids the pain they suffered. Many of those parents suffered trauma and abuse, but others grew up with no religion or with what they considered the wrong religion and they want to give their kids something they feel like they missed.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not my intent to tell you what you should or shouldn\u2019t do with your children\u2019s religious upbringing. It is my intent to encourage you to think through the situation and make the most informed decision you can\u2026 whether you\u2019re a Pagan, a liberal Christian, an atheist, or anything else.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Religion is far more than what you believe<\/h2>\n

I sometimes hear \u201cI don\u2019t want to tell my kids what to believe.\u201d That\u2019s a noble sentiment. But it\u2019s a sentiment rooted in a Protestant overculture that thinks the purpose of religion is to figure out which unprovable supernatural propositions to accept and which to reject.<\/p>\n

Religion is far more than what you believe. It\u2019s what you do, it\u2019s who you are, and it\u2019s whose you are. The \u201cwhose\u201d refers in part to which Gods and spirits you\u2019re aligned with, but it also refers to the community of which you are a part. Where do you belong? Where does your child belong?<\/p>\n

With your family of blood? Certainly, unless they\u2019re abusive. With your friends and neighbors? Of course \u2013 it takes a village to raise a child. But if your religious community is any kind of decent people at all \u2013 and if they\u2019re not, you need a new one \u2013 they belong there too.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s good to give a child a place in a community<\/h2>\n

I have occasionally been asked to lead a naming ceremony for a newborn. It isn\u2019t enough to put a name on a birth certificate \u2013 the parents want to formally give their child a name in the context of their religious tradition. The liturgy I use says this to the child:<\/p>\n

We welcome you to this world, and to this community. Though we hope you will someday take your place as a full member of our grove, we do not claim you for our path, for no one can dictate the steps of another.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Later the liturgy asks those assembled to promise to support both the child and the parents as they learn and grow.<\/p>\n

Children are incredibly vulnerable. They need the support of their parents, to be sure. But they also need the support of a larger community.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t teach your child about religion, the fundamentalists will<\/h2>\n

You may have taught your children that religion is a deeply personal matter, and that everyone must choose their own path. Other parents have taught their children something very different. They see religion as a competitive sport.<\/p>\n

And your children are a prize to be won.<\/p>\n

In school, on the playground, or anywhere else, sooner or later religion will come up. \u201cWhere do you go to church?\u201d \u201cAre you saved?\u201d \u201cDo you worship the devil?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to hell.\u201d<\/p>\n

Older children will have their church\u2019s sales pitch memorized and ready to implement. Or they\u2019ll lure kids in with candy and games, and then begin the slow steady process of indoctrinating them with fundamentalist theology.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t shield them from this. What you can do is to give them enough religious knowledge for them to understand that what the fundamentalists claim ain\u2019t necessarily so \u2013 even by the standards of other Christians.<\/p>\n

More importantly, you can help them develop a religious identity that\u2019s strong enough so that proselytizing rolls off them with little impact.<\/p>\n

Your kids can\u2019t make a choice without being informed<\/h2>\n

I respect parents who want to allow their children to make their own religious decisions, particularly in this culture where people change religions all the time.<\/p>\n

But if they\u2019re going to choose for themselves, they need to be able to make an informed decision.<\/p>\n

What is your particular form of Paganism? What do you do and why do you do it? What are Wicca, Druidry, and Heathenry?<\/p>\n

There are over 30,000 variations of Christianity. You can\u2019t possibly teach your kids about all of them, but at the least they need to know the difference between Roman Catholics, Mainline Protestants, and Evangelicals (in some parts of the world, add Eastern Orthodoxy to that list). They need to know that Judaism is its own thing and not proto-Christianity, and that Islam is a lot more than the radicals we see on the news.<\/p>\n

Buddhism has theistic and non-theistic variants, and its American version is rather different from the versions practiced in Asia. Which is pretty much true of every religion \u2013 even the religions that claim to be universal, aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n

If you want to understand people, you need to understand their religion.<\/p>\n

While I appreciate the desire some have to not indoctrinate their children in any religion \u2013 including their own \u2013 those who leave their children religiously ignorant are doing them a great disservice.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I am envious of the kids in UU Religious Education<\/h2>\n

This is not a sales pitch for Unitarian Universalism. That said, I remember my time in Baptist Sunday School and I\u2019m envious of the kids in our RE program. They\u2019re learning about all religions. I\u2019ve given several presentations on Paganism for them.<\/p>\n

At the same time, they\u2019re learning UU values: freedom, respect, acceptance, and inquiry. What you do and especially how you treat others is more important than what you believe.<\/p>\n

In some years the Coming of Age class presents a Sunday Service where the kids talk about their experiences in the class and the conclusions they\u2019ve reached. A few articulate some pretty sophisticated theology, but most say something along the lines of \u201cI\u2019m learning, and I want to continue to learn.\u201d<\/p>\n

I can think of no better way to prepare someone to step out into the adult world than by instilling them with a strong spirit of inquiry.<\/p>\n

Your actions speak louder than your words<\/h2>\n

My father grew up Methodist, became a Baptist, and fully embraced Evangelical theology and doctrine. I\u2019m a Pagan \u2013 I completely rejected everything he taught me about that.<\/p>\n

But I resemble him more than a little in my passion for my religion. He taught Sunday School and led the choir \u2013 I write books and lead rituals. He supported his Baptist church \u2013 I support my UU church, my CUUPS group, and my other co-religionists.<\/p>\n

Religion is more than beliefs. It\u2019s culture, it\u2019s values, it\u2019s what you do and why you do it. And you will teach your religion to your children, whether you intend to or not.<\/p>\n

Be careful what you\u2019re teaching them.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Religion is more than beliefs. It\u2019s culture, it\u2019s values, it\u2019s what you do and why you do it. And you will teach your religion to your children, whether you intend to or not. Be careful what you\u2019re teaching them. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1129,"featured_media":22036,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[272],"tags":[145,3586,4,5,144,19],"class_list":["post-22031","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-community-2","tag-children","tag-kids","tag-pagan","tag-paganism","tag-religious-education","tag-unitarian-universalism"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Do We Teach the Children? A Question for Pagans and Others<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Religion is more than beliefs. It\u2019s culture, it\u2019s values, it\u2019s what you do and why you do it. 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