{"id":279,"date":"2011-04-03T20:55:00","date_gmt":"2011-04-03T20:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it\/"},"modified":"2011-04-03T20:55:00","modified_gmt":"2011-04-03T20:55:00","slug":"it-gets-better-or-does-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html","title":{"rendered":"It Gets Better \u2013 Or Does It?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Three occasions for one to speak falsehood without excuse: to save the life of one who is innocent, to keep the peace among neighbours, and to preserve the Wise and their crafts<\/i> \u2013 a Druid triad<\/p>\n

Lucinda Breeding of the Denton Record-Chronicle (better known as Cindy to Denton UUs) has a new column<\/a> discussing the \u201cIt Gets Better<\/a>\u201d campaign, which attempts to reduce LGBT youth suicides by telling the stories of people who have been through what they\u2019ve been through and come out OK. <\/p>\n

Cindy is less than enthusiastic about the campaign. She tells her stories of being bullied and then says this:<\/p>\n

But the thing is, it doesn\u2019t get better. Not really. It just gets more adult. The cruelty goes underground a bit. Hostilities take on a complicated life of their own. Yes, you learn to persevere amongst the civilized apes. But those apes still have it in them to throw feces at you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m not gay. But I was bullied in junior high and high school. I was undersized, unathletic, and socially inept. And I made very good grades. That made me a target for the usual suspects. I knew if I tried to fight I\u2019d get my ass kicked and then I\u2019d get in trouble with the school for fighting. So I did my best to stay away from the usual suspects and to avoid calling attention to myself.<\/p>\n

Mostly, though, I kept the image of \u201ccollege\u201d front and center in my mind. I knew \u2013 just knew \u2013 that if I could survive high school I would go away to college where I could start over in anonymity and where people would be more mature. <\/p>\n

College wasn\u2019t OK, but it was better. The business world \u2013 another opportunity to start over \u2013 wasn\u2019t OK, but it was better. A lot of that is due to something else Cindy says: \u201cPeople will always be people. And some people just revel in being mean. YOU get better.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a lot of truth in that. Over the years I\u2019ve developed some social skills. I\u2019ve developed some confidence and learned to think on my feet. Though I\u2019m far from rich, I\u2019ve made enough money to shut up a lot of bullies. English poet and clergyman George Herbert<\/a>\u2019s words are still true: \u201cliving well is the best revenge.\u201d<\/p>\n

But I still encounter bullies from time to time. Most of them I can handle now. Some of them I still have to avoid\u2026 like the ones who use the law to make themselves feel strong by oppressing others.<\/p>\n

Cindy Breeding says \u201cIt Gets Better\u201d isn\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n

So this \u201cIt Gets Better\u201d campaign? It tastes sweet in my mouth, but sours in my gut. It makes me angry. How dare we soothe our own bruised consciences with these half-truths? \u2026 I want a video campaign that promises bullies that decent people will demand from them a price. I want school districts to adopt a zero-tolerance policy against bullying, like the ones they have against drugs and guns. Most of all, I want adults to stop, once and for all, their excuses for these bullies. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

She\u2019s right. We should prosecute people for bullying just as we prosecute people for assault, robbery and murder. But that won\u2019t make it go away \u2013 if that worked perfectly we\u2019d have no assaults, robberies or murders. Making bullying socially and legally unacceptable is only part of the solution. <\/p>\n

The other part is to give bullied kids some hope, to strengthen their will to survive, to let them know they\u2019re stronger than they think they are, and to let them know that if they can just make it though this school, this grade, this day, things will get better. If \u201cIt Gets Better\u201d prevents one suicide, keeps one kid from staying in the closet or withdrawing into a shell, then the half-truth it tells can be excused.<\/p>\n

Three occasions for one to speak falsehood without excuse: to save the life of one who is innocent, to keep the peace among neighbours, and to preserve the Wise and their crafts<\/i>.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Three occasions for one to speak falsehood without excuse: to save the life of one who is innocent, to keep the peace among neighbours, and to preserve the Wise and their crafts \u2013 a Druid triad Lucinda Breeding of the Denton Record-Chronicle (better known as Cindy to Denton UUs) has a new column discussing the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1129,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nIt Gets Better \u2013 Or Does It?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Three occasions for one to speak falsehood without excuse: to save the life of one who is innocent, to keep the peace among neighbours, and to preserve\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"It Gets Better \u2013 Or Does It?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Three occasions for one to speak falsehood without excuse: to save the life of one who is innocent, to keep the peace among neighbours, and to preserve\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"John Beckett\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-04-03T20:55:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"John Beckett\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"John Beckett\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html\",\"name\":\"It Gets Better \u2013 Or Does It?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2011-04-03T20:55:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2011-04-03T20:55:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/#\/schema\/person\/b4c8980dc36f971434424c304ca429ad\"},\"description\":\"Three occasions for one to speak falsehood without excuse: to save the life of one who is innocent, to keep the peace among neighbours, and to preserve\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2011\/04\/it-gets-better-or-does-it.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"It Gets Better \u2013 Or Does It?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/\",\"name\":\"John Beckett\",\"description\":\"Musings of a Druid, Pagan, and Unitarian Universalist.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/#\/schema\/person\/b4c8980dc36f971434424c304ca429ad\",\"name\":\"John Beckett\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0f50bfa2a79f70103847fe75540bb29c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/0f50bfa2a79f70103847fe75540bb29c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"John Beckett\"},\"description\":\"I grew up in Tennessee with the woods right outside my back door. 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