{"id":3535,"date":"2015-04-28T17:44:47","date_gmt":"2015-04-28T23:44:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?p=3535"},"modified":"2015-04-28T17:44:47","modified_gmt":"2015-04-28T23:44:47","slug":"many-ways-to-make-a-good-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2015\/04\/many-ways-to-make-a-good-marriage.html","title":{"rendered":"Many Ways To Make A Good Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"Flowers<\/a>I had planned to write an analytical piece on today\u2019s Supreme Court hearing on the topic of marriage equality.\u00a0 I had an introduction and a conclusion already written \u2013 all I needed was to pull some quotes from the news reports and let it fly.\u00a0 But after staring at the screen for an hour I realized I didn\u2019t really want to write a legal analysis.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not a lawyer.\u00a0 I\u2019m a polytheist who recognizes that different Gods call different people to honor and work with Them in different ways.\u00a0 My devotion to Cernunnos is in no way diminished by your devotion to Freya, and neither of us are diminished by someone else who is devoted to no Gods at all.\u00a0 The question of whose God is best is a topic for light conversation over too much wine, not for fighting over.<\/p>\n

The idea that there are many ways to approach matters of great importance flows into other areas of life, including marriage.\u00a0 My marriage to Cathy is typical in many ways and untypical in others.\u00a0 It\u2019s been going strong for 27 years \u2013 it works for us.\u00a0 There are things we do that wouldn\u2019t work for most couples and things most couples do that don\u2019t work for us.\u00a0 There are many ways to have a good marriage \u2013 we\u2019ve found the right way for us.<\/p>\n

In reading the reports of the deliberations as to whether states should be allowed to refuse to recognize the marriages of same sex couples, the key question seems to be \u201cwho gets to decide?\u201d<\/p>\n

Justice Anthony Kennedy, the court\u2019s lone moderate who likely will cast the deciding vote, put it this way<\/a>:<\/p>\n

The word that keeps coming back to me in this case is millennia, plus time. \u2026 This definition (of marriage) has been with us for millennia. And it\u2019s very difficult for the court to say \u201cOh well, we know better.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This was countered by attorney Mary Bonauto<\/a>, who presented the case for same-sex couples:<\/p>\n

In terms of the question of who decides, it\u2019s not about the court versus the states. It\u2019s about the individual making the choice to marry and with whom to marry, or the government.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

To me, this is where it stops.\u00a0 The government \u2013 whether national, state, or local \u2013 has no more business telling a same sex couple their marriage is invalid than they do telling Cathy and me our marriage is invalid because we don\u2019t have children.<\/p>\n

But like I said in the first paragraph, I really don\u2019t want to do legal analysis.\u00a0 There\u2019s something deeper here, and it was expressed by Joseph Whalen<\/a>, associate solicitor general for Tennessee:<\/p>\n

Tennessee, Ohio, Kentucky and other states with a traditional definition of marriage have done nothing here but stand pat. They have maintained the status quo. And yet other states have made the decision, and it certainly is their right and prerogative to do so, to expand the definition, to redefine the definition, and then to suggest that other states that have done nothing but stand pat now must recognize those marriages imposes a substantial burden on the state\u2019s ability to self-govern.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The key point here isn\u2019t Mr. Whalen\u2019s patently ridiculous idea of a what constitutes a substantial burden.\u00a0 The key point is the harmful but widespread idea that self-governing \u2013 the process by which a group of people decide how they will interact with each other \u2013 somehow includes the right to dictate to individuals how they must conduct their private relationships and activities.\u00a0 It assumes there is one right way and the majority has the right (if not the responsibility) to insure everyone follows it, whether it works for them or not.<\/p>\n

This idea of \u201cone right way\u201d is a product of monotheistic religion and the thinking that flows from it.\u00a0 And it\u2019s used to coerce others into conformance, or at least to hide their differences.<\/p>\n

The reaction to Wiccan Priestess Deborah Maynard\u2019s invocation<\/a> to the Iowa House of Representatives showed how many who support public prayer are only interested in prayers that affirm their own religion.\u00a0 Their way is the only way and everyone else can convert or shut up.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s not kid ourselves.\u00a0 This argument isn\u2019t over states\u2019 rights or the role of the courts in the political process.\u00a0 It\u2019s about the normalization of homosexuality.\u00a0 \u201cThe love that dare not speak its name\u201d is now no big deal for most people in the West, particularly for young people.\u00a0 Unfortunately, those who still fear homosexuality are disproportionately older and more powerful and they are using all their power to try to reinforce their idea of the One True Way.<\/p>\n

They are losing, but gay and lesbian couples shouldn\u2019t have to wait till the old guard dies off to have their marriages recognized by the state and to enjoy the rights and responsibilities that the state grants married couples.<\/p>\n

For my Christian friends who insist your religion condemns homosexuality:\u00a0 1) there are plenty of your fellow Christians who disagree, and 2) no one is asking you to marry someone of the same sex.\u00a0 Feel free to make your case in the marketplace of ideas, but do not expect your religious beliefs to carry the force of law.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know how this case will be decided.\u00a0 Justices Ginsburg, Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan will vote for marriage equality.\u00a0 Justices Scalia, Thomas, and Alito will vote against it.\u00a0 Chief Justice Roberts is likely to vote against it, although he is less of a conservative ideologue than the other three and may want to be seen as being on the right side of history.<\/p>\n

The decision is likely to come down to Anthony Kennedy.\u00a0 Justice Kennedy has generally supported gay rights, including the landmark Lawrence v Texas<\/em> case in 2003 that overturned Texas\u2019 law against same sex relations. \u00a0But nothing is certain.<\/p>\n

One way or another, the court\u2019s decision will change the law of the land, but it cannot change the basic facts:\u00a0 there are many ways to make a good marriage.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The real question isn\u2019t who gets to decide, it\u2019s whether we cling to the harmful idea that there\u2019s only one right way or if we accept and embrace our differences.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1129,"featured_media":3537,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[272],"tags":[674,237,4,5,8,675,437],"class_list":["post-3535","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-community-2","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-equality","tag-pagan","tag-paganism","tag-polytheism","tag-scotus","tag-supreme-court"],"yoast_head":"\nMany Ways To Make A Good Marriage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The real question isn\u2019t who gets to decide, it\u2019s whether we cling to the harmful idea that there\u2019s only one right way or if we accept and embrace our differences.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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