{"id":3919,"date":"2015-08-09T15:00:31","date_gmt":"2015-08-09T21:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?p=3919"},"modified":"2015-08-09T16:21:25","modified_gmt":"2015-08-09T22:21:25","slug":"who-sets-the-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2015\/08\/who-sets-the-boundaries.html","title":{"rendered":"Who Sets the Boundaries?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Most of us prefer order to chaos.\u00a0 Order brings predictability and gives us a firm foundation from which we can plan and build.\u00a0 Order brings comfort, it lets us feel like we understand who we are, and it reminds us of the value society tells us we have (which often has little correlation to our inherent value and worth).<\/p>\n

But left unchallenged, order can be stagnating and suffocating.\u00a0 It can stifle innovation and block needed changes.\u00a0 And it can crush individuals in the name of conformity and compliance.<\/p>\n

I heard several variations on this theme at Many Gods West<\/a>.\u00a0 In presentation after presentation, conversation after conversation, people asked \u201cwho gets to set the boundaries?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWhose opinions set the norms of society?\u201d\u00a0 And perhaps most relevantly, \u201chow do those of us who are excluded by the mainstream\u2019s boundaries and norms respond?\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Sobekneferu\"<\/a>
Sobekneferu<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Sobekneferu\u2019s presentation was \u201cWinning the War: Worshiping Deities Whose Mythology Was Written by Their Antagonists.\u201d\u00a0 Long before I began exploring Paganism, I learned that the Celtic myths weren\u2019t written down till the Christian era.\u00a0 This certainly isn\u2019t an ideal situation, but Druids and other Celtic-influenced Pagans have been able to work around it.\u00a0 We have it easier than some \u2013 there is some truth to the old saying \u201cthe Gods of the old religion become the devils of the new.\u201d<\/p>\n

What do we do when the powerful either defame or neuter our Gods?\u00a0 The Gods are perfectly capable of defending Their own honor \u2013 I\u2019m more concerned with the effects of that defamation on us.\u00a0 It\u2019s tiring and distracting to have to constantly respond to accusations that \u201cyou\u2019re worshipping an evil God.\u201d\u00a0 It\u2019s equally tiring to have to deal with friends who constantly say \u201cyour Gods aren\u2019t real.\u201d<\/p>\n

The powerful \u2013 including those whose power simply comes from their numbers \u2013 set the boundaries and everything is either \u201clike them\u201d and good or \u201cnot like them\u201d and therefore bad and probably forbidden. \u00a0How do those of us who simply aren\u2019t like them deal with this?<\/p>\n

\"Elena<\/a>
Elena Rose<\/em><\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Elena Rose\u2019s presentation was \u201cLoving Our Monsters.\u201d\u00a0 She asked \u201c what do you do when society insists you\u2019re a monster?\u201d \u2013 when they insist that because of who and what you are, you\u2019re inherently dangerous.\u00a0 Sometimes they go so far as to say that killing the monster \u2013 you \u2013 is justified.\u00a0 Elena reminded us that even monsters have families, ancestors, and Gods.\u00a0 And perhaps most importantly, we don\u2019t have to identify with those who come to hunt us.<\/p>\n

While it is helpful to remember our common origins in the Big Bang and evolution, and our common destiny on the Earth, dividing ourselves into groups based on backgrounds, experiences, and interests is a universal human practice.\u00a0 Polytheists understand this well:\u00a0 different Gods call different people to worship Them in different ways.\u00a0 Yet experience tells us it\u2019s far too easy to go from \u201cthis way is best for me\u201d to \u201cthis way is best for everyone\u201d to \u201cother ways are evil and must be stopped.\u201d\u00a0 The more different and especially the more unknown a person or group is, the easier it is to assume the worst about them.<\/p>\n

The pressure to not be different is immense.\u00a0 Some LGBT people are still in the closet; many Pagans are still in the broom closet, at least in some circles.\u00a0 I know several teenagers who abandoned their religion of birth because it was easier to get along if they were Christian.\u00a0 Resumes with \u201cblack sounding\u201d names get trashed far more frequently than those with names that sound like their ancestors came from the British Isles.\u00a0 The poor are assumed to be lazy or stupid or both.\u00a0 Young black men are assumed to be thugs, Muslims are assumed to be terrorists, and the sad list goes on and on and on.<\/p>\n

Who decided we were all supposed to be straight white middle-class Christians (or at least act like them)?\u00a0 And more importantly, what are those of us who are not or have no desire to be some or all of those things to do?<\/p>\n

Sometimes we demand to be let in.\u00a0 The fight for marriage equality is about acknowledging the validity of same sex marriages and about making the societal benefits of the institution of marriage available to same sex couples.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we demand the system reform. \u00a0Black Lives Matter is about demanding law enforcement stop harassing and killing People of Color.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we reform the system from within.\u00a0 Those of us who are part of privileged groups have an obligation to use our privilege to remove barriers, open doors, and offer a welcoming hand to those who\u2019ve been kept out.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we create our own spaces: organizations, places, and gatherings where we can drop our guard and be who we are without reservation.\u00a0 This is the primary reason I enjoy going to Pagan gatherings\u2026 and the more narrowly-defined the gathering, more unguarded I can be.<\/p>\n

When we create our own spaces, we who are used to being on the wrong side of boundaries find ourselves in the unfamiliar position of boundary makers.\u00a0 Draw the boundaries too broadly or too vaguely and our space is not our own.\u00a0 Draw them too narrowly or too rigidly and we may exclude some who are more like us than not or who could be valuable allies.\u00a0 Getting it right is hard.\u00a0 I can offer no sage advice on how to draw boundaries, other than to do it mindfully and compassionately.<\/p>\n

\"fence<\/a>A casual look around the Pagan and polytheist communities reveals a greatly disproportionate number of people who have been marginalized, excluded, called monsters, and physically attacked as monsters by the boundary-makers of the mainstream society.\u00a0 Some of our transgressions against these arbitrary norms are loud and visible, while others are subtle and hidden \u2013 sometimes hidden even from ourselves.<\/p>\n

And yet, these are the people the Many Gods have chosen to restore Their worship.\u00a0 These are the people They have called to live by Their values and embody Their virtues in a world that desperately needs its values rearranged.<\/p>\n

Are we laying the foundations for a future where Pagan and polytheist practices are the new norm?\u00a0 I hope we are \u2013 I love big projects and big movements that make big changes.\u00a0 But perhaps we\u2019re simply building small, strong, cohesive communities that will honor the Gods and care for each other while the mainstream society crumbles under its own unsustainable weight<\/a>.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know \u2013 my crystal ball isn\u2019t that good.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve spent my whole life trying to figure out where the boundaries are and how to navigate them.\u00a0 It\u2019s a useful skill, but it\u2019s a miserable way to live \u2013 and it took me far too many years to accept I would never be happy trying to be who and what society said I \u201cshould\u201d be.<\/p>\n

Here, in the service of the Forest God, the Lady of the Waters, and other Many Gods; and in the company of this often-frustrating but always beautiful group of Pagans, polytheists, and other assorted folks who insist on setting their own boundaries, I\u2019ve found a home.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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