{"id":4091,"date":"2015-09-08T17:00:03","date_gmt":"2015-09-08T23:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?p=4091"},"modified":"2015-09-07T21:00:36","modified_gmt":"2015-09-08T03:00:36","slug":"life-coaching-spiritual-direction-and-holy-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2015\/09\/life-coaching-spiritual-direction-and-holy-work.html","title":{"rendered":"Life Coaching, Spiritual Direction, and Holy Work"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"Spring<\/a>In a post last week I talked about how the first step to re-enchant the world<\/a> is understanding that disenchantment is real \u2013 the feeling that something\u2019s wrong with the world is an accurate assessment of the way things are, even if we can\u2019t quite articulate the way things should be instead.\u00a0 Our mainstream society (and especially the sorcerers of advertising) see our disenchantment, but their recommendations only make things worse.<\/p>\n

Make no mistake, disenchantment is suffering\u2026 suffering our mainstream culture says we should treat by buying more stuff.\u00a0 Or losing weight, or finding a new partner, or hiring a life coach.<\/p>\n

What, you don\u2019t have the money for that?\u00a0 Work harder!\u00a0 Are you lazy or something?<\/p>\n

And so we treat our suffering with the wrong remedy.\u00a0 We double down with more of the same and our disenchantment only grows.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Shortly after that post went up I had a private message from Jessica Minah<\/a>, which she has given me permission to share.\u00a0 Jessica took issue with my inclusion of life coaching in this list.\u00a0 She said (in part \u2013 I have edited for length but hopefully not for content):<\/p>\n

I will admit that there are a lot of life coaches out there who are \u2026 promoting the concept of following your bliss as a way to rid your life of all uncertainty and anxiety.\u00a0 But there are many of us doing much deeper work. Work that is about stepping directly into this sense that something is wrong with the way we are living\u2026<\/p>\n

We work with them to cultivate the resilience and courage needed to ask questions like: What am I living my life for? What does the world want from me? For the sake of what is all this for?<\/p>\n

When they have found something resembling answers to the questions, we help them cultivate the skills and competencies needed to go do those things, and to achieve long-term excellence, to be self-correcting, and self-generating\u2026<\/p>\n

I really consider it Priestessing work, and part of my sacred contract with the world.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What Jessica describes is honorable work.\u00a0 I thought about these things before I added \u201clife coach\u201d to that blog post.\u00a0 I decided to leave it in because there are a lot of life coaches who spout nothing but New Age garbage to privileged suburbanites and get paid a lot of money to do it.\u00a0 They are more symptom than problem, but they are part of the problem.<\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean this kind of work is unnecessary, unhelpful, or unworthy of compensation.<\/p>\n

In a religious setting, this work is often called spiritual direction.\u00a0 A person will engage the services of a knowledgeable elder in their tradition: maybe a clergy person or maybe an experienced peer (just not someone who\u2019s so close a friend they can\u2019t give hard advice).\u00a0 They meet, the client describes their spiritual life and goals, the spiritual director listens and then offers recommendations in accordance with the ideals and boundaries of their shared religious tradition.\u00a0 At the next meeting, they discuss progress, or the lack thereof \u2013 spiritual direction provides accountability.\u00a0 Some meet frequently, some meet occasionally, some meet only as needed.<\/p>\n

Anyone can benefit from the counsel of an experienced co-religionist, even the most senior priests and founders of traditions.\u00a0 In the words of Thorn Coyle<\/a> \u201cbeware teachers who only have students.\u201d\u00a0 I engaged Thorn for spiritual direction in 2011 when I was on a stuck on a plateau and needed help to get moving again.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t do anything dramatic, but by working through the process<\/a> things picked up and they haven\u2019t slowed down since.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have a regular spiritual director right now, but there are two people I consult on a fairly regular basis, and several others I call on if I have an issue in their area of expertise.<\/p>\n

I also do spiritual direction as part of my service as a priest.\u00a0 Some arrangements are informal, others are structured \u2013 it all depends on what the client wants, needs, and is willing to do.<\/p>\n

Some of this work \u2013 from both sides \u2013 has been on a fee-for-service basis and some has been pro bono<\/em>.\u00a0 If you ask someone to work for you, you should expect to compensate them for their time and effort, including the time and effort that went into learning the skills necessary to do that work.\u00a0 I field a lot of questions from Pagan seekers and I\u2019m happy to listen and make recommendations \u2013 I neither need nor want to be paid for this.\u00a0 But eventually, such conversations reach the point where either they\u2019re complete or they need to become something more formal.\u00a0 A spiritual direction arrangement allows the director\/client, teacher\/student, mentor\/mentee relationship to develop the structure and accountability necessary to stimulate spiritual growth.<\/p>\n

[For the record, I don\u2019t chat and I don\u2019t carry on informal conversations via social media or e-mail.\u00a0 I don\u2019t do it with my close friends and I don\u2019t do it with casual acquaintances.\u00a0 If I decline your offer for such communication, it\u2019s not because I don\u2019t like you and it\u2019s not because I\u2019m a snob, it\u2019s because I find small talk\u00a0annoying and unproductive.]<\/p>\n

Spiritual direction \u2013 both paid and unpaid \u2013 is honorable and holy work.\u00a0 But although this work can be done and done well in a secular setting, when it is removed from its context in a shared religious tradition, the opportunity for exploitation (of both the process and the client) grows exponentially.<\/p>\n

Many people who in another era would look for a spiritual director are not part of any religious community, or they\u2019re in a church where spiritual direction isn\u2019t widely practiced.\u00a0 Or perhaps they don\u2019t see any power in their religion and they figure if they want to change their life they need to look elsewhere.\u00a0 They\u2019ve heard about this thing called life coaching and so that\u2019s what they look for.<\/p>\n

That means if someone wants to offer their spiritual direction services to a wide audience (which is pretty much required if you want to make a living doing it) they\u2019re going to have to promote themselves as a life coach, even though there are life coaches out there (I have no idea how many) who are pushing narcissism, mindless consumption, and faux spirituality.<\/p>\n

In the background I hear some very Christ-like Christian ministers saying \u201ctell me about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Helping others find their true calling and develop the skills necessary to carry it out is holy work, whether it\u2019s done in a religious context or in a secular one.\u00a0 If you feel you can benefit from this I encourage you to explore it, whether you look for a spiritual director or a life coach or a knowledgeable, compassionate elder who works under some completely different name.\u00a0 Many use a sliding scale so as not to turn away those with limited financial resources.<\/p>\n

Re-enchanting the world is glorious work, but it is also hard work.\u00a0 Just remember you don\u2019t have to do it alone.<\/p>\n

\"candle<\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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