{"id":6311,"date":"2017-04-04T05:00:29","date_gmt":"2017-04-04T11:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/?p=6311"},"modified":"2017-04-03T20:39:29","modified_gmt":"2017-04-04T02:39:29","slug":"the-jealous-druid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnbeckett\/2017\/04\/the-jealous-druid.html","title":{"rendered":"The Jealous Druid"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Over on Raise the Horns, Patheos Pagan Channel Editor Jason Mankey has a post titled The Jealous Witch<\/a>. It\u2019s an introspective piece, listing some of the people Jason is jealous of and why. I\u2019m amused to be named in his post \u2013 Jason is jealous of my writing output.<\/p>\n

\"a<\/a>
a couple of jealous Pagan bloggers \u2013 photo by Ari Mankey<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

It\u2019s amusing because I\u2019m annoyed with my writing output. As a kid I was always the fastest one to complete tests and in-class assignments. I didn\u2019t finish first every time, but if more than three or four people finished before me I started wondering if I was doing something wrong.<\/p>\n

Writing comes slowly for me. Except on those rare occasions when the Awen is flowing and I\u2019m not writing so much as I\u2019m typing what Someone else is telling me, blog posts take hours and hours to write. Sometimes they take all day. Other bloggers are much faster. I remember times when I\u2019d write something for the Great Polytheist-Atheist Kerfuffle and 30 minutes later (or so it seemed) John Halstead would have a 1500 word rebuttal on his blog.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a grass-is-always-greener syndrome going on here, and the internet makes it worse. We only see what people show us, and people only show us their good stuff. We see the end result but not all the labor that went into it. Click on \u201call posts\u201d at the top of the page and go look at some of my stuff from 2008 and 2009. Or better yet, don\u2019t. It\u2019s proof of Ray Bradbury\u2019s observation that \u201ceveryone\u2019s first million words are crap.\u201d By my estimation, I hit a million words some time in 2012.<\/p>\n

But I can sympathize with Jason, because I\u2019m jealous too.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m jealous of the kids at my UU church.<\/strong> I grew up going to Baptist Sunday School. To be fair, Sunday School wasn\u2019t that bad \u2013 it focused mainly on learning the stories of the Bible. The adult church service that came after Sunday School was a different matter, with its constant emphasis on believing and living like the preacher said and the threats of hell and damnation if you didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

At Denton UU and at most other UU churches, the kids stay in the main service until after the Story For All Ages, after which we sing them out as they go their religious education classes.<\/p>\n

May your minds be open to new learning,<\/em>
\nMay your lips bring truth into the world,<\/em>
\nMay your hearts know love as you go your way in peace,<\/em>
\nAs you go your way in peace.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"DUUF<\/a>And they go off to learn about all the world\u2019s religions. They learn Unitarian Universalist values. As they get older, they start to explore their own beliefs and how they can incorporate them into their lives. The RE program gives them a solid grounding in religion without attempting to force them onto one particular path. I\u2019m jealous that they\u2019re learning things I didn\u2019t learn till my twenties, and they\u2019re doing it without constant fear-based coercion.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m glad I learned the Bible stories. They\u2019re part of Western culture and it helps to know them well. And while I\u2019m not glad I had to suffer through all the bad theology, because I did I know how to get out, and I can point others in a helpful direction<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m jealous of Pagans who found this path early in their life.<\/strong> In the 1970s there was nothing in mainstream book stores besides psycho-babble self-help books and some dense books on Buddhism<\/a>. Now there are shelves of Pagan books in local stores and anything and everything is available on Amazon. I\u2019ve always had a closeness to Nature and an interest in magic<\/a>. But the only context I had for Nature was non-theistic and I was sure magic wasn\u2019t real.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t discover Paganism till I was 31 and I didn\u2019t get serious about it till I was 39. Where would I be now if I had gotten started 15 or 20 years earlier?<\/p>\n

I have friends who were competent witches in their teens and have only gone up from there. Others got a later start but didn\u2019t have to spend years working through fundamentalist baggage. I\u2019m certainly happy for them, but I\u2019m jealous too.<\/p>\n

But because I didn\u2019t know what I really wanted, I made a serious attempt at being a Christian. It didn\u2019t work. I made a serious attempt at being a corporate success \u2013 that really didn\u2019t work. I have no doubts this is my true calling, because I tried everything the mainstream culture told me I was supposed to do and be, and I was miserable. I\u2019m now on the high side of middle age, but this is all still new and exciting to me, with no end in sight.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m jealous of professional Pagans.<\/strong> I\u2019m an industrial engineer who works in the corporate headquarters of a large manufacturing company. As corporate jobs go, it\u2019s pretty good. It\u2019s a nice match with my skills and interests, and it pays the bills. But still, I look at those 40+ hours a week I spend juggling spreadsheets and sitting in meetings and I dream about what I could get done if I could spend that time writing, teaching, and practicing my Paganism and my Druidry.<\/p>\n

There aren\u2019t a lot of full time Pagans, for reasons we don\u2019t need to rehash here. Most either cobble together a living from writing, teaching, and art, or they have a spouse that generates most of the family income, or both. I\u2019m jealous of the time they can devote to their path, and I\u2019m anxious that the government and the economy may screw up my plans to become a full time Druid after retiring from the corporate world.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m glad my religion isn\u2019t my job. I can write what I\u2019m called to write and say what I\u2019m called to say and not worry about whether or not it will sell. While it\u2019s nice to get paid for my writing (even if it\u2019s not much more than a token amount) it\u2019s even nicer to know that if my blogging hosts ever try to censor my work (they haven\u2019t and I don\u2019t expect they ever will) I can walk away from it without worrying about how I\u2019m going to pay the mortgage.<\/p>\n

\"09<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019m jealous of Pagan intellectuals.<\/strong> Brendan Myers. Edward Butler. Gordon White and many of his guests on the Rune Soup podcast. There are others \u2013 these are the names that come quickly to mind. These people know stuff, they have a deep context for their knowledge, and they can clearly articulate what they know and its implications for our religions and our lives.<\/p>\n

I had a good formal education and I\u2019ve done a decent job of continuing education over the years. But reading and listening to our Pagan intellectuals reminds me of just how much I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m very thankful for their contributions to the Pagan community, and for helping me expand and enrich my practice. But I\u2019m still jealous of their learning, and in a couple cases, of their raw intelligence.<\/p>\n

But the same reason I\u2019m an engineer instead of a scientist is why I\u2019m a Druid and a priest instead of an intellectual or an academic. As much as I want to know<\/em>, what I want most is to use<\/em> what I learn. \u201cThat\u2019s cool\u2026 now what can I do with it?\u201d For me, understanding the nature of the Gods isn\u2019t as important as experiencing the Gods for myself. Learning the ancient context of magic isn\u2019t as important as figuring out how to work the magic myself.<\/p>\n

Jealousy isn\u2019t always a bad thing.<\/strong> Jealousy is a problem when it causes us to treat others poorly or to think poorly of ourselves because someone else has something we don\u2019t. But Jason Mankey said \u201cmy jealousy often inspires me to try harder.\u201d He\u2019s right.<\/p>\n

I can be jealous of the kids at my UU church and still work to make sure they have a better experience than I did. My jealousy of Pagans who found their path early in life serves as a reminder to use the years I have left as wisely and effectively as I can. My jealousy of professional Pagans motivates me to make my public work as good as it can be. And my jealousy of Pagan intellectuals reminds me to always ground my work in the best scholarship and the best thinking available.<\/p>\n

Sometimes our jealousy can be inspirational, but many times we are jealous because we do not have the full picture, or because we choose not to see it. Regardless, may we live our own lives in as virtuous and as heroic a manner as we can.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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