{"id":10693,"date":"2010-10-23T09:05:08","date_gmt":"2010-10-23T16:05:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnshore\/?p=10693"},"modified":"2010-10-23T09:05:08","modified_gmt":"2010-10-23T16:05:08","slug":"what-non-christians-want-christians-to-hear-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnshore\/2010\/10\/what-non-christians-want-christians-to-hear-2\/","title":{"rendered":"What Non-Christians Want Christians To Hear"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/p>\n

By way of researching a book of mine (I\u2019m OK \u2013 You\u2019re Not: The Message We\u2019re Sending Nonbelievers and Why We Should Stop<\/em><\/a>), I posted a notice on Craigslist sites all over the country asking non-Christians to send me any short, personal statement they would like Christians to read.<\/p>\n

\u201cSpecifically,\u201d I wrote, \u201cI\u2019d like to hear how you feel about being on the receiving end of the efforts of Christian evangelicals to convert you. I want to be very clear that this is not<\/em> a Christian-bashing book; it\u2019s coming from a place that only means well for everyone. Thanks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Within three days I had in my inbox over 300 emails from non-Christians across the country. Reading them was one of the more depressing experiences of my life. I had expected their cumulative sentiment to be one of mostly anger. But if you boiled down to one feeling what was most often expressed in the nonbelievers\u2019 statements, it would be\u00a0Why do Christians hate<\/span> us so much?<\/em><\/p>\n

Below is a pretty random sample of the statements non-Christians sent me (each of which I used in I\u2019m OK).<\/em> If you\u2019re a Christian, they make for a mighty saddening read. Or they certainly should, anyway.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe main thing that baffles and angers me about Christians is how they can understand so little about human nature that when, in their fervor to convert another person, they tell that person (as they inevitably do, in one way or another), \u2018You\u2019re bad, and wrong, and evil,\u2019 they actually expect that person to agree with them. It pretty much guarantees that virtually the only people Christians can ever realistically hope to convert are those with tragically low self-esteem.\u201d\u2013 E.S., Denver<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI feel that Christians have got it all wrong; it seems to me that they\u2019ve created the very thing Jesus was against: Separatism.\u201d\u2013 T. O., Denver<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI am often distressed at the way some Christians take as a given that Christians and Christianity define goodness. Many of we non-Christians make a practice of doing good; we, too, have a well-developed ethical system, and are devoted to making the world a better place. Christians hardly have a monopoly on what\u2019s right, or good, or just.\u201d\u2013 C.R., Seattle<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cChristians seem to have lost their focus on Jesus\u2019 core message: \u2018Love the Lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul, and love your neighbor as you love yourself.'\u201d\u2013 R.M., Tacoma<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI have no problem whatsoever with God or Jesus \u2013 only Christians. It\u2019s been my experience that most Christians are belligerent, disdainful and pushy.\u201d \u2014 D.B., Atlanta<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cWhenever I\u2019m approached by an evangelist \u2013 by a Christian missionary \u2013 I know I\u2019m up against someone so obsessed and narrowly focused that it will do me absolutely no good to try and explain or share my own value system. I never want to be rude to them, of course, but never have any idea how to respond to their attempts to convert me; in short order, I inevitably find myself simply feeling embarrassed\u2013first for them, and then for us both. I\u2019m always grateful when such encounters conclude.\u201d\u2013 K.C., Fresno<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know whether or not most of the Christians I come across think they\u2019re acting and being like Jesus was \u2013 but if they do, they need to go back to their Bibles, and take a closer look at Jesus.\u201d \u2014 L.B., Phoenix<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI grew up Jewish in a Southern Baptist town, where I was constantly being told that I killed Christ, ate Christian babies, and was going to hell. So I learned early that many Christians have \u2013 or sure seem to have \u2013 no love in their hearts at all. It also seems so odd to me that Christians think that if I don\u2019t accept their message my ears and heart are closed, because it seems to me like they have excessively closed ears and hearts to anyone else\u2019s spiritual message and experience. They seem to have no sense of the many ways in which God reaches out to everyone. As far as I\u2019ve ever known, Christians are narrow in their sense of God, fairly fascistic in their thinking, and extremely egotistical in thinking God only approves of them.\u201d\u2013 B.P., Houston<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI wish Christians would resist their aggressive impulses to morph others into Christians. Didn\u2019t Jesus preach that we should all love one another?\u201d\u2013 M.G., Shoreline, WA<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI\u2019m frequently approached by Christians of many denominations who ask whether I\u2019ve accepted Christ as my savior. When I have the patience, I politely tell them that I\u2019m Jewish. This only makes them more aggressive; they then treat me like some poor lost waif in need of their particular brand of salvation. They almost act like salespeople working on commission: If they can save my soul, then they\u2019re one rung closer to heaven. It\u2019s demeaning. I always remain polite, but encounters like these only show disrespect and sometimes outright intolerance for my beliefs and my culture. In Judaism, we do not seek to convert people. That is because we accept that there are many paths to God, and believe that no one religion can lay sole claim to the truth or to God\u2019s favor. Each person is free to find his or her own way. To Christians I would say: Practice your religion as you wish. There is no need to try and influence others. If your religion is a true one, people will come to it on their own.\u201d\u2013 M.S., Honolulu<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cWhen did it become that being a Christian meant being an intolerant, hateful bigot? I grew up learning the positive message of Christ: Do well and treat others with respect, and your reward will be in heaven. Somehow, for a seemingly large group of Christians, that notion has gone lost: It has turned into the thunders and lights of the wrath of God, and into condemning everyone who disagrees with them to burning in the flames of hell. Somehow, present-day Christians forgot about turning the other cheek, abandoned the notion of treating others like they would like to be treated themselves; they\u2019ve become bent on preaching, judging, and selfishly attempting to save the souls of others by condemning them. What happen to love? To tolerance? To respect?\u201d \u2014 S.P., Nashville<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cThere are about a million things I\u2019d like to say to Christians, but here\u2019s the first few that come to mind: Please respect my right to be the person I\u2019ve chosen to become. Worship, pray and praise your God all you want\u2013but please leave me, and my laws, and my city, and my school alone. Stop trying to make me, or my children, worship your god. Why do we all have to be Christians? Respect my beliefs; I guarantee they\u2019re every bit as strong as yours. Mostly, please respect my free will. Let me choose if I want to marry someone of my own sex. Let me choose if I want to have an abortion or not. Let me choose to go to hell if that\u2019s where you believe I\u2019m going. I can honestly say that I\u2019d rather go to hell than live the hypocritical life I see so many Christians living.\u201d\u2013 D.B., Seattle<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI had a friend who was, as they say, reborn. During my breaks from college she invited me to her church, and I did go a couple of times. In a matter of a month, at least ten people at her church told me that I was going to hell. The ironic thing is that I do believe in God; I\u2019ve just never found a church where I felt at ease. However, in their eyes, I was nothing but a sinner who needed to be saved. I stopped going to that church (which in the past four years has grown from a small to a mega-church), but in time, through my friend, have seen some of these people again. None of them ever fails to treat me exactly as they did four years ago. All I can say is this: Constantly telling someone they\u2019re going to hell is not a good way to convert them.\u201d\u2013 A.S., Chicago<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cI am a former \u2018born again\u2019 Christian. It\u2019s been my personal experience that Christians treat the poor poorly\u2013much like the Pharisees did in the parable of the old woman with the two coins. I found the church to be political to a fault, and its individual members all too happy to judge and look down on others. As a Christian, my own fervor to witness was beyond healthy. My friends would come to me to vent and express emotions, and all I would do is preach to them. I was of no real comfort to them. I never tried to see anything from their perspective.\u201d\u2013 J.S.W, Philadelphia<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cOnce Christians know I\u2019m gay, the conversion talk usually stops. Instead, I become this sympathetic character who apparently isn\u2019t worthy of the gift of Christ. From my childhood in a Baptist church, I recall the \u2018loathe the sin, love the sinner\u2019 talk, but as an adult I can\u2019t say I\u2019ve often found Christians practicing that attitude. Deep down, I\u2019m always relieved to avoid disturbing \u201cconversion\u201d conversations with Christians; discussing one\u2019s most intimate thoughts and personal beliefs isn\u2019t something I enjoy doing with random strangers. But at the same time, I feel as though Christians make a value judgment about my soul on the spot, simply because I am gay. I don\u2019t pretend to know the worth of a soul, nor the coming gifts to those who convert the masses, but I would guess converting the sinful homosexuals would merit a few brownie points. But I get the feeling that most Christians don\u2019t think we\u2019re worth the hassle.\u201d\u2013 R.M., Houston<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cReligion always seemed too personal for me to take advice about it from people I don\u2019t know.\u201d\u2013 D.P., Denver<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here’s a small sampling of the responses I got when I asked non-Christians about being on the receiving end of the efforts of Christian evangelicals to convert them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1528,"featured_media":22530,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[59,50,4,5,251,113,47,41,42,252,9,11],"class_list":["post-10693","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-christianissues","tag-atheism","tag-atheists","tag-christ","tag-christianity","tag-christians","tag-christians-and-non-christians","tag-christians-and-nonbelievers","tag-great-commandment","tag-great-commission","tag-homosexuals-and-christianity","tag-jesus","tag-religion"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Non-Christians Want Christians To Hear<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here's a small sampling of the responses I got when I asked non-Christians about 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