{"id":11002,"date":"2010-11-09T00:22:32","date_gmt":"2010-11-09T08:22:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnshore\/?p=11002"},"modified":"2014-11-06T06:42:25","modified_gmt":"2014-11-06T14:42:25","slug":"a-reader-asks-how-do-how-you-handle-the-negative-comments-on-your-blog","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnshore\/2010\/11\/a-reader-asks-how-do-how-you-handle-the-negative-comments-on-your-blog\/","title":{"rendered":"A Reader Asks, “How Do You Handle the Negative Comments On Your Blog?”"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>
As a general rule, I don't respond to comments left by this guy.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p>

Here\u2019s an email I got in this past weekend (from \u201cdenver,\u201d who is one of my best commenters):<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been reading your blog for a while now (love it!), and most of the time can get into the comments and discuss and debate and feel better for it. But sometimes, when people start getting nasty and mean and snarky, I just have to throw my hands up in the air and walk away. It\u2019s not that I can\u2019t handle divergent opinions; in fact, I usually welcome the opportunity to debate online with people of varying opinions. I find it fulfilling and challenging and (and hopefully not just for me) informative. It\u2019s just the nastiness that gets me. I am not saying I have never said a mean word in my life or any such thing, but when I am trying to respectfully state my point and someone can\u2019t seem to muster up an equally respectful response; when name-calling and vitriol start spewing forth; when a carefully thought-out and often enough researched post is greeted with the equivalent of \u201cyou\u2019re wrong, stupid, so why don\u2019t you shut up?\u201d, then \u2026 then I want to become a hermit and never deal with human beings ever again. I realize the internet is just a giant welcome mat for meanness given the anonymity of it all, but really, it bothers me.<\/p>\n

So I guess my question is, how on earth do you put yourself out there, and take all the nasty commentators (I\u2019ve seen some that you\u2019ve posted on your Facebook page that just blew me away, both from the blog and from Huffington Post!), and not let it get to you? How do you then want to blog another day? \u2026.\u00a0 Some days I vow to not ever comment or post on anything even remotely controversial, ever again, just to avoid the hostility\u2014but inevitably I just can\u2019t.\u00a0 I can\u2019t not care, I can\u2019t try and pretend these things don\u2019t exist, I can\u2019t not engage in conversation in the hopes of building new bridges (enter cheesy music here).<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve often wondered what it would be like to start my own blog. I\u2019ve had enough positive moments to seriously consider trying my hand at blogging\u2014I just love to write!\u00a0 But I can\u2019t even take the nasties on other people\u2019s blogs. So \u2026.<\/p>\n

Am I just developmentally delayed, or (as I have been often told I am) too sensitive? How do you do it?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure you get a mountain of these types of emails, so if you don\u2019t have time to respond to all of them, I totally understand.\u00a0 I just figured it was worth a shot asking, because I keep vacillating between \u201cI want to blog!\u201d and wanting to make like Thoreau and find a cabin in the woods somewhere. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

Thanks!<\/p>\n

denver<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Hmmm. How do I handle nasty commenters?<\/p>\n

Well, first of all, I don\u2019t have to \u201chandle\u201d any commenters I don\u2019t want to. I can instantly delete any comment I find too offensive, and can then block that person from ever commenting again. Anyone on my blog is here by, essentially, permission. So that control is really nice.<\/p>\n

Negative comments seem to fall into certain types:<\/p>\n

Extremely negative\/vile\/nasty.<\/strong> These comments always freak me out just a bit, because they\u2019re so harsh. But I also really enjoy deleting them and their \u201cauthors,\u201d so it works out. (I especially enjoy that I never finish reading such comments; once I can just see<\/em> they\u2019re Pyscho Bombs, they\u2019re gone.) I forget about them as soon as they\u2019ve been excised. From their writing style I can tell they\u2019re written by crazies at a public library somewhere, or by someone who\u2019s down in their mom\u2019s basement typing furiously while they inhale airplane glue from a paper bag. It\u2019s like watching someone barf in public. You turn away.<\/p>\n

Really quite negative to me personally.<\/strong> These types of commenters don\u2019t bother me too much, because it\u2019s always clear how new they are to my blog. They just don\u2019t know my work. My response to them will vary depending on the mood I\u2019m in. Usually I\u2019ll just delete them\u2014but then not block the commenter, as I like to give people a second chance. But two such comments from the same person is pretty much my limit. I have short tolerance for bad manners.<\/p>\n

Really quite negative about something specific I\u2019ve said in the post.<\/strong> Again, depends on who they are, what they\u2019ve said, and how they\u2019ve said it. If they\u2019re respectful and even semi-articulate, that\u2019s usually good enough for me. People in this category usually just like to pick at one little aspect of what I\u2019ve written: they want to clarify something for me, or enlighten me in some way. They often focus on individual words they think need further exploration or explanation. I usually just think, \u201cOkay, Skippy, it\u2019s a blog post, not a book.\u201d I always kind of feel sorry for these people, because how good can your life be if you\u2019re trying to prove how smart you are by what you write in a blog comment? <\/em>These are the untrained French poodles of commenters: annoying, but harmless.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Really quite negative about something they thought I wrote, rather than something I actually did write.<\/strong> It\u2019s extremely common for readers to get upset over what they assume I meant, rather than what I actually said. I got a lot<\/em> of that, for instance, with my post, \u201cWhat\u2019s Wrong With Dressing Sexy?\u201d<\/a> It\u2019s hard to get too excited about this category of comments, because \u2026 well, they don\u2019t have anything to do with what I actually wrote. It\u2019s like someone criticizing you for not tying your bathrobe belt into a double Windsor knot, or trying to impress you by hurling a football at a darts board. They\u2019re like, \u201cSee! I hit the bullseye!\u201d And you\u2019re, like, \u201cGood for you! But wrong game. Wrong ball. Wrong target.\u201d Wrong knot.<\/p>\n

Really quite negative about stuff that my post is sort<\/em> of about, but not really.<\/strong> A good example of this very common kind of comment came in today, to the post,\u00a0 Conservative and Liberal Christians: They\u2019re Both Losers (and Winners):<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cAgree with the title\u2013at least the non-parenthetical pert [sic]. I make decisions based on facts and data\u2026 Something that theology is sorely lacking. There is nothing to suggest of an afterlife. Morality can be defined by causing pain to others. Denying people the opportunity to enjoy life is generally immoral. Forcing views on another person is equally immoral. Arguing is a waste of time. I\u2019m done with the whole religion thing.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

See? It\u2019s sort<\/em> of what I wrote about\u2014but not. And clearly, this guy showed up with a pretty serious chip on his shoulder. I rarely if ever respond to this sort of comment, because \u2026 why? They\u2019ve already shown they don\u2019t listen.<\/p>\n

Christians angry at their perception of my version of Christianity. <\/strong> This is actually pretty rare. I do get called a \u201cfalse prophet\u201d just often enough to strike me as truly weird, but \u2026 whatever. I never take this stuff too seriously, because I always end up right away feeling sorry for the people who leave \u201cThem homersezualz is goina bern in HELL!!!!!!!!!!!\u201d type comments. How can I not, when (frankly) it\u2019s always clear how almost tragically uneducated they are? Such \u201ccomments\u201d always read like they were written by Testy, the Village Idiot. They\u2019re just \u2026 too sad to be angering. I almost always end up blocking such commenters off my blog. Life\u2019s too short.<\/p>\n

Seriously pissed off at religion generally and\/or Christianity specifically.<\/strong> Can you spell \u201cHuffington Post\u201d? That\u2019s the great majority of what I get over there. I don\u2019t take that stuff personally, because those commenters aren\u2019t angry with me personally. They don\u2019t know me; to them, all Christians are exactly the same: homophobic, narrow-minded, misogynistic, anti-science, irrational nutjobs. Such commenters aren\u2019t angry at me. They\u2019re angry at what they think I represent. And they like<\/em> their anger, too; you can see it helps them define themselves. I leave them be. To do anything else is like poking a rabid dog with a stick. It just makes things worse.<\/p>\n

So that\u2019s a little of why negative comments on my blog posts don\u2019t bother me too much. I just \u2026 don\u2019t care, basically. I try my best to say the best things I can in the best ways I know how\u2013given the limitations of the form, and the amount of time I think it\u2019s reasonable to put into these things\u2014and I\u2019m done. To blog is to create (at best) disposable art; a post lasts a day or two, at most. If I let negative comments to what I post on my blog get to me, I\u2019d be on one heck of a messed-up roller coaster ride.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s really the main thing, too. I\u2019m pretty good at writing a blog<\/em>. There\u2019s only one thing in this world I\u2019ve trained myself to do well, and it\u2019s \u2026 well, this. I\u2019ve been making a good living writing stuff for public consumption for some fifteen years now\u2014and it\u2019s all<\/em> been material that I\u2019ve had to produce at least as quickly as I do these posts. So the truth is I\u2019m pretty invulnerable to the suggestion that I somehow just don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing here.<\/p>\n

Plus, I care<\/em> about the stuff I write here. I don\u2019t play around with what I publish on this blog. I\u2019m usually awfully certain about the material I present here\u2013or at least sure of it enough to care to share it with the readers of mine whom I know \u2026 are actually listening to me. The ones whom I know I can trust, basically.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m safe here. This is my home. Here, I get to feel however I want to. And rude strangers don\u2019t get to take that from me.<\/p>\n

Plus, you know (and this is the main thing, really):\u00a0 Shore Family Motto.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Here\u2019s an email I got in this past weekend (from \u201cdenver,\u201d who is one of my best commenters): I\u2019ve been reading your blog for a while now (love it!), and most of the time can get into the comments and discuss and debate and feel better for it. 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