{"id":3927,"date":"2009-06-03T08:18:10","date_gmt":"2009-06-03T15:18:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnshore\/?p=3927"},"modified":"2009-06-03T08:18:10","modified_gmt":"2009-06-03T15:18:10","slug":"reason-6-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnshore\/2009\/06\/reason-6-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Reason #6 Women Stay in Abusive Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3946\" src=\"https:\/\/johnshore.wordpress.com\/files\/2009\/06\/woman.jpg?w=300\" alt=\"woman\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\"><\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"color:#ff0000\">(Update: All the posts of this series have been collected into one piece, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/johnshore\/seven-reasons-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships-and-how-to-defeat-each-one-of-them\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\" decorated-link\">Seven Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships, and How to Defeat Each One of Them.)<\/a><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p>The sixth reason women too often continue in relationship with an abusive man is because they simply cannot believe that their man is as <em>different<\/em> from they as he apparently is when he\u2019s abusive. A woman in an abusive relationship tends to think\u2014 to instinctively <em>believe<\/em>\u2014that her man\u2019s abusive behavior <em>is<\/em>, essentially, an act. She thinks it\u2019s not part of who he <em>really<\/em> is.<\/p>\n<p>She clings very tightly to the conviction that he\u2019s so much better than that.<\/p>\n<p>A woman whose man periodically abuses her looks into her own heart, and sees a loving, caring, gentle person who only wants what\u2019s best for herself and those whom she loves. Then she looks at her man, and can\u2019t help but think that his abusive behavior is some kind of foreign, freak aberration, a terrible, alien force that for some unfathomable reason sometimes comes over him, changes him, works its evil magic, and then disappears again.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHe just <em>can\u2019t<\/em> be so different than me,\u201d she thinks. \u201cHe\u2019s a <em>human,<\/em> after all. And he loves. He loves his children. He loves <em>me.<\/em> I know he does. He shows me <em>that,<\/em> too. It\u2019s just this \u2026 <em>evil<\/em> that comes over him. But that evil is not who he really is. It\u2019s something he becomes. When it happens, it\u2019s almost like he can\u2019t help himself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She thinks, \u201cSomeday his demons will once and for all flee him. He\u2019ll beat them. <em>We\u2019ll<\/em> beat them. And then I\u2019ll have the man I\u2019ve always known my man really is.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019re a woman in an abusive relationship who recognizes these thought patterns as your own, think this: Rabid Dog.<\/p>\n<p>A rabid dog can be just as loving, cuddly and respectful as any other dog. But then, suddenly (and literally) he snaps, and goes crazy violent. Then he calms down again, and becomes just as sweet as can be. Until he has another attack.<\/p>\n<p>An abusive man has psychological rabies. He has a <em>disease.<\/em> It\u2019s a curable one\u2014but it is a disease. And just like a person with rabies can\u2019t get rid of them without going to a doctor and undertaking intense, painful, long-term medical therapy, so an abusive man can\u2019t get rid of what turns him crazy without going to a trained mental health counselor, and undertaking intense, painful, long-term treatment.<\/p>\n<p>An abusive man needs immediate, serious, outside help from someone qualified to give it to him. On his own, he\u2019s no more likely to \u201crecover\u201d from his disease than a mad dog is likely to spontaneously heal. That\u2019s just not going to happen.<\/p>\n<p>You need to get out of that relationship, and he needs to get help. Period. Either that, or you can stay in your abusive relationship, and keep telling yourself that the man who hits you isn\u2019t really a man who hits you.<\/p>\n<p><em>Please pass this post along to anyone whom you think it might help or encourage.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em><\/em><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"http:\/\/feeds2.feedburner.com\/Johnshorecom\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Subscribe to my rss feed<\/a> and\/or <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/John-Shore\/89494795412?ref=s\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>join my Facebook group<\/em><\/a><em> <\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Update: All the posts of this series have been collected into one piece, Seven Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships, and How to Defeat Each One of Them.) The sixth reason women too often continue in relationship with an abusive man is because they simply cannot believe that their man is as different from they [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1528,"featured_media":3946,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[758,759,694,695,698,2453,875,700,701,702],"class_list":["post-3927","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-7-reasons-women-stay-in-bad-relationships","tag-absusive-relationship","tag-bad-marriage","tag-domestic-violence","tag-psychological-healing","tag-relationships","tag-relationships-tagged-7-reasons-women-stay-in-bad-relationships","tag-spousal-abuse","tag-wife-abuse","tag-wife-beating"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Reason #6 Women 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