{"id":1108,"date":"2016-08-02T10:18:27","date_gmt":"2016-08-02T17:18:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rickhanson.net\/?p=28117"},"modified":"2016-08-02T10:18:27","modified_gmt":"2016-08-02T17:18:27","slug":"trust-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Trust Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Who do you trust?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Practice:<\/em><\/strong>
\nTrust yourself<\/span>.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Why?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself \u2013 my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable.<\/p>\n

Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, or rejected, shunned, and shamed.<\/p>\n

So, as children understandably do, I put on a mask. Closed up, watching warily, managing the performance of \u201cme.\u201d There was a valve in my throat: I knew what I thought and felt deep inside, but little of it came out into the world.<\/p>\n

From the outside, it looked like I didn\u2019t trust other people. Yes, I did need to be careful sometimes. But mainly, I didn\u2019t trust myself<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Didn\u2019t trust that the authentic me was good enough, loveable enough \u2013 and that I\u2019d still be OK if I did mess up. Didn\u2019t have confidence in my own depths, the core of me, that it already contained goodness, wisdom, and love. Didn\u2019t trust the unfolding process of living without tight top-down control. Doubted myself, my worth, my possibilities.<\/p>\n

And so I lived all squeezed up, doing well in school and happy sometimes \u2013 but mainly swinging between numbness and pain.<\/p>\n

In Erik Erikson\u2019s eight stages of human development, the first, foundational, one is about \u201cbasic trust.\u201d He focused on trust\/mistrust of the outer world (especially the people in it), and to be sure this is important. Yet often what looks like \u201cthe world is untrustworthy\u201d is at bottom \u201cI don\u2019t trust myself to deal with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s been a lifelong journey to develop more faith in myself, to lighten up, loosen up, swing out, take chances, make mistakes and then repair and learn from them, and stop taking myself so seriously.<\/p>\n

Sure, things go wrong sometimes when you trust yourself more. But they go really<\/span> wrong and stay wrong when you trust yourself less.<\/p>\n

How?<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Nobody is perfect. You don\u2019t need to be perfect to relax, say what you really feel, and take your full shot at life. It\u2019s the big picture that matters most, and the long view. Yes, top-down tight control and a well-crafted persona may bring short-term benefits. But over the long-term, the costs are much greater, including stress, bottled-up truths, and inner alienation.<\/p>\n

With gentleness and self-compassion, take a look at yourself. Is there self-doubt, holding back, fear of looking bad or failing? If you imagine being your full self out loud, is there an expectation of rejection, misunderstanding, or a shaming attack?<\/p>\n

Understandably, we are concerned about what seems \u201cbad\u201d or \u201cweak\u201d inside. But challenge that labeling: are those things actually<\/span> so bad, so weak?? Maybe they\u2019re just rattled, desperate, or looking for love and happiness in young or problematic ways.<\/p>\n

Maybe you\u2019ve internalized the criticism of others, and have been hugely exaggerating what is wrong about you.<\/p>\n

And missing so much that is already right.<\/p>\n

When you ease up and tap into your own core, when you are in touch with your body, in your experience as you express it \u2013 what\u2019s that like? How do others respond? What are you able to accomplish, at home or work?<\/p>\n

Sure, be prudent about the outer world and recognize when it\u2019s truly unwise to let go, take risks, speak out. And guide your inner world like a loving parent, recognizing that not every thought or feeling or want should be said or enacted.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, if you are like me and every single person I have ever known who has decided to trust one\u2019s own deep self, you will find so much that\u2019s right inside: so much knowing of what\u2019s true and what matters, so much life and heart, so many gifts waiting to be given, so many strengths.<\/p>\n

Be your whole self; it\u2019s your whole self that you can trust. This day, this week, this life \u2013 see what happens when you bet on yourself, when you back your own play. See what happens when you let yourself fall backward into your own arms, trusting that they will catch you.<\/p>\n

The post Trust Yourself<\/a> appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\n<\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Who do you trust? The Practice: Trust yourself. Why? As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and…<\/p>\n

The post Trust Yourself<\/a> appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1739,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-just-one-thing"],"yoast_head":"\nTrust Yourself<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Who do you trust? The Practice: Trust yourself. Why? As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and... The post Trust Yourself appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Trust Yourself\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Who do you trust? The Practice: Trust yourself. Why? As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and... The post Trust Yourself appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Just One Thing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-08-02T17:18:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/rickhanson\/blog?d=yIl2AUoC8zA\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Marion Reynolds\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Marion Reynolds\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/\",\"name\":\"Trust Yourself\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2016-08-02T17:18:27+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-08-02T17:18:27+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#\/schema\/person\/b3e15e9303d18e657b58ced147861626\"},\"description\":\"Who do you trust? The Practice: Trust yourself. Why? As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and... The post Trust Yourself appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Trust Yourself\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/\",\"name\":\"Just One Thing\",\"description\":\"Simple practices to bring more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#\/schema\/person\/b3e15e9303d18e657b58ced147861626\",\"name\":\"Marion Reynolds\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/27cbafb5e6010ea30deb836816f49883?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/27cbafb5e6010ea30deb836816f49883?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Marion Reynolds\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/www.rickhanson.net\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/author\/marion-reynolds\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Trust Yourself","description":"Who do you trust? The Practice: Trust yourself. Why? As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and... The post Trust Yourself appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Trust Yourself","og_description":"Who do you trust? The Practice: Trust yourself. Why? As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and... The post Trust Yourself appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/","og_site_name":"Just One Thing","article_published_time":"2016-08-02T17:18:27+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/feeds.feedburner.com\/~ff\/rickhanson\/blog?d=yIl2AUoC8zA"}],"author":"Marion Reynolds","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Marion Reynolds","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/","name":"Trust Yourself","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#website"},"datePublished":"2016-08-02T17:18:27+00:00","dateModified":"2016-08-02T17:18:27+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#\/schema\/person\/b3e15e9303d18e657b58ced147861626"},"description":"Who do you trust? The Practice: Trust yourself. Why? As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and... The post Trust Yourself appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2016\/08\/trust-yourself\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Trust Yourself"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/","name":"Just One Thing","description":"Simple practices to bring more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#\/schema\/person\/b3e15e9303d18e657b58ced147861626","name":"Marion Reynolds","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/27cbafb5e6010ea30deb836816f49883?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/27cbafb5e6010ea30deb836816f49883?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Marion Reynolds"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/www.rickhanson.net"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/author\/marion-reynolds\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1739"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1108"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1108\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}