{"id":322,"date":"2015-06-03T12:00:06","date_gmt":"2015-06-03T20:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rickhanson.net\/?p=4435"},"modified":"2015-06-03T12:00:06","modified_gmt":"2015-06-03T20:00:06","slug":"speak-truly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2015\/06\/speak-truly\/","title":{"rendered":"Speak Truly"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

What\u2019s in your heart to say?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The Practice:<\/em>
\nSpeak truly.<\/p>\n

Why?<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body.<\/p>\n

In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for your mental health \u2013 and certainly for the health of your relationships<\/a> \u2013 is your tongue<\/span>. Thousands of times each day, it (or your fingers on a keyboard: same thing) offers the good word or the bad one out into your world.<\/p>\n

If you say what\u2019s true for you, and say it clearly and kindly, you get one kind of results. But if you use a sharp tongue, speak falsely, exaggerate, or leave out the parts that are most important to you, you get different results: unnecessary conflicts, lost opportunities, a tightness in your chest, etc.<\/p>\n

Of course, the most important person to speak truly to is yourself, with inner speech. Come to peace with the truth: the facts, your experiences and intentions, the goodness inside your heart, what\u2019s led to what for better or worse.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, if you act like something is true but deep down there\u2019s a knowing that it\u2019s not \u2013 like it\u2019s OK not<\/span> to go after an important dream, or that you can keep putting off dealing with a health issue such as smoking, or that everything\u2019s fine in a cool and distant marriage \u2013 you\u2019re living on thin ice: hard to build a good life on that foundation.<\/p>\n

Truth is bedrock. Even if you wish the truth were different, it\u2019s what you can count on in a world of full of selling, spin, and BS. It\u2019s your refuge.<\/p>\n

How?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Speaking truly does not<\/span> mean saying everything. You can cut to the chase in a conversation, not burden a child with more than he or she can understand, be civil when you\u2019re angry, and not spill your guts in a meeting.<\/p>\n

Nor should you confide more than is appropriate. There\u2019s a place for privacy, for not telling A everything you know about B, for recognizing how intimately you can safely communicate in a particular situation or relationship.<\/p>\n

Speaking truly \u2013 to yourself and to others \u2013 does mean being authentic. Is your outer expression lined up with your inner experience? Most of us have \u201cthat thing\u201d which is hard to express. For me growing up, it was feeling inadequate. For many men, it\u2019s feelings of fear or weakness. For many women, it\u2019s feelings of anger or power. Could you find appropriate ways to say your whole truth, whatever it is?<\/p>\n

Ask yourself: \u201cWhat am I actually experiencing?\u201d Relax your face completely and look at it in the mirror: What does it tell you? What does it say you really need these days?<\/p>\n

Also ask yourself: \u201cWhat\u2019s important that\u2019s not getting named?\u201d This applies both to you and to others. Consider the hurt or anxiety beneath irritation, or the rights or needs that are the real stakes on the table. Is there an elephant in the room that no one is mentioning? Maybe someone has a problem with anger or with drinking too much, or is simply depressed. Maybe someone\u2019s jumbo job \u2013 60, 70 hours a week or more, counting commute and weekend emails \u2013 is crowding family life out to the margins.<\/p>\n

Especially when you\u2019re upset, watch out for distortions in the words you use. These include leaving out the context (like getting mad at a misbehaving child who\u2019s hungry), using extreme language \u2013 words like \u201calways\u201d or flat statements that should be qualified \u2013 or using a tone that\u2019s harsh or nasty. Without talking like a robot, look for ways to be more judicious, accurate, and to the point in what you say.<\/p>\n

Last, accept the fact that no one is a perfect communicator. You\u2019re always going to leave something out, and that\u2019s OK. You have to give conversations room to breathe, without continually judging yourself as to whether you\u2019re speaking truly! Communicating is repairing. As long as you come with basic sincerity and goodwill, your words will weave and mend a tapestry of truth in all your relationships.<\/p>\n

The post Speak Truly<\/a> appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\n<\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a>\n<\/div>\n

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What’s in your heart to say? The Practice: Speak truly. Why? It’s been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. In the same way, perhaps the most powerful tool for <\/p>\n

The post Speak Truly<\/a> appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":270,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[228,269,226,5,270],"tags":[89,168],"class_list":["post-322","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-generosity","category-honesty","category-inner-peace","category-just-one-thing","category-speak-truly","tag-heart","tag-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nSpeak Truly<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What’s in your heart to say? The Practice: Speak truly. Why? It’s been said that the most powerful tool for physical health is a fork (or spoon), since the choices you make with it determine the good or bad things you put into your body. 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