Harms can be done to yourself and others in the name of autonomy and intimacy, so it\u2019s important to bring their dynamics into the sphere of your virtue. For example, Martin Buber described three types of relationships:<\/p>\n
- \n
- I-Thou \u2013 When I relate to you with respect as an independent being (like a dear friend)<\/li>\n
- I-It \u2013 When I treat you as a means to my ends (like, perhaps, an operator you\u2019re calling for a phone number)<\/li>\n
- It-It \u2013 When you and I are just bodies in space (like strangers in an elevator)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
We mistreat others by making them an \u201cIt\u201d to our \u201cI.\u201d You know what that feels like on the receiving end: like you are being seduced, pitched, or used. Not good. It\u2019s not uncommon to treat people as \u201cIts\u201d in order to feel close to them, such as by compelling their attention, making them feel bad for wanting their own space, manipulating their affection, not respecting their boundaries, or in the extreme, some kinds of sexual abuse. And certainly common to treat people as \u201cIts\u201d to make it easier to act freely: examples include dumping negative emotions without caring about the impacts, trampling on people to get ahead, or simply cutting in line.<\/p>\n
Stay tuned for more on Intimacy and Autonomy.<\/p>\n
The post The Dance of Intimacy and Autonomy<\/a> appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson<\/a>.<\/p>\n
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Love tends to join and hate to separate, but joining is not the same as love, and separation is not hatred. Sometimes the most loving thing a person can do is take a step back: that’s distance in the service of attachment. And it’s not loving to join in invasive or smothering ways. Most people <\/p>\n
The post The Dance of Intimacy and Autonomy<\/a> appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1680,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[25,168],"class_list":["post-567","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-blog","tag-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\n
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Most people The post The Dance of Intimacy and Autonomy appeared first on Dr. Rick Hanson.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/justonething\/2014\/06\/intimacy-and-autonomy-at-odds\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Dance of Intimacy and Autonomy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Love tends to join and hate to separate, but joining is not the same as love, and separation is not hatred. Sometimes the most loving thing a person can do is take a step back: that’s distance in the service of attachment. And it’s not loving to join in invasive or smothering ways. 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