\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\u201cI didn\u2019t know if I was pitching or catching\u201d.<\/p>\n
What team was I really playing for?<\/p>\n
And how important was this game was in the first place?<\/p>\n
I wanted to be the MVP.<\/p>\n
I think I did know that much.<\/p>\n
And I like to win.<\/p>\n
Oh, and sitting on the bench was for the weak.<\/p>\n
So, I trained, I prayed, I sang, and I never really took time out to look around.<\/p>\n
Until my head started spinning.<\/p>\n
My mind started reeling.<\/p>\n
And I began questioning.<\/p>\n
I had a choice to make.<\/p>\n
I could keep playing the game.<\/p>\n
Keep pretending.<\/p>\n
Or, I could sit out for a season and reassess the whole thing.<\/p>\n
I knew what benching myself would do.<\/p>\n
Taking myself out of the game,<\/p>\n
I would lose so much.<\/p>\n
There was just so much to lose.<\/p>\n
Hearing the crowd cheer for me.<\/p>\n
The dream of being on the winning team.<\/p>\n
The famous team.<\/p>\n
Under the lights.<\/p>\n
Hearing my name.<\/p>\n
Stepping up to the plate.<\/p>\n
With a platform to speak from.<\/p>\n
A leader in the game called \u201cthe christian life\u201d.<\/p>\n
Just keep playing, Karen.<\/p>\n
Keep running.<\/p>\n
Hustling.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t ask questions.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t stop to think.<\/p>\n
All those thoughts you\u2019re thinking?<\/p>\n
Those fears that are keeping you up at night?<\/p>\n
The anxiety running through your veins?<\/p>\n
Shhhh\u2026.<\/p>\n
Push it all down.<\/p>\n
Nobody has to know.<\/p>\n
Keep smiling.<\/p>\n
Even when people on the opposing team are hurting.<\/p>\n
Pay them no attention.<\/p>\n
Focus on the prize.<\/p>\n
Win at all cost.<\/p>\n
Winning is our favorite.<\/p>\n
Wait.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m supposed to focus on the prize?<\/p>\n
And being the best?<\/p>\n
The greatest of all time?<\/p>\n
The money?<\/p>\n
The fame?<\/p>\n
Well, I just couldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t.<\/p>\n
I can no longer give up my soul to win whatever game this is.<\/p>\n
I cannot waste another minute pretending.<\/p>\n
Rooting for the bullies because they are supposedly on my team.<\/p>\n
The \u201cright\u201d team.<\/p>\n
Not to mention the fear of screwing up.<\/p>\n
I just cannot.<\/p>\n
I need to be truthful.<\/p>\n
Full of truth.<\/p>\n
No more pretending.<\/p>\n
This game isn\u2019t for me.<\/p>\n
It never was.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m pretty sure I threw in the towel a long time ago.<\/p>\n
I told Jesus to sign me up for his team.<\/p>\n
The one that makes peace.<\/p>\n
With an endgame of loving others.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not glamorous.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not fast and furious.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s actually more like\u2026<\/p>\n
Pick up another towel and serve.<\/p>\n
Stop and look around.<\/p>\n
Slow down and listen.<\/p>\n
Stop the insanity.<\/p>\n
Cease striving.<\/p>\n
Risk the fame and fortune of it all.<\/p>\n
No need for any of it.<\/p>\n
Rest.<\/p>\n
Walk.<\/p>\n
Learn and grow.<\/p>\n
Pay no attention to the hecklers in the crowd.<\/p>\n
Or the ones who are still pretending.<\/p>\n
Find the peace that is inside of you.<\/p>\n
And give it away.<\/p>\n
Be open, honest and real.<\/p>\n
And watch some new teammates to show up.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Karen R Shock resides in Fort Wayne, IN with her husband and their youngest son. She has three more children who are married and four beautiful grandchildren. \u00a0She is a retired homeschool and public high school teacher and cheer coach. Life is hard, but fun. Learning to lean into the mess, find rest in today, and maybe even make some new friends along the way. We need each other. It\u2019s so good to know we are not alone.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now, I realize I was. We were. Heavy hitters, actually. Leaders. Dreaming big dreams. Where lots of followers would follow. People would look up to us. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4582,"featured_media":1135,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31,47,35,28,7,49,44],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anxiety","category-deconstruction","category-faith","category-fear-driven-faith","category-mental-health","category-misfit","category-when-church-hurts"],"yoast_head":"\n
Winning At All Costs<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\" I couldn\u2019t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now,\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Winning At All Costs\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\" I couldn\u2019t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now,\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Karen Ruth Shock\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/karen.h.shock\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-08-21T17:06:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/1435\/2022\/08\/pexels-pixabay-48151.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"640\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"427\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Karen Ruth Shock\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Karen Ruth Shock\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/\",\"name\":\"Winning At All Costs\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2022-08-21T17:06:57+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-08-21T17:06:57+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#\/schema\/person\/66e1cb66eab0a2ab47624fc20ce08153\"},\"description\":\" I couldn\u2019t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now,\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Winning At All Costs\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/\",\"name\":\"Karen Ruth Shock\",\"description\":\"Willing to ask the hard questions, knowing God is big enough to handle them.\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#\/schema\/person\/66e1cb66eab0a2ab47624fc20ce08153\",\"name\":\"Karen Ruth Shock\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf4dc0c1c27c277b010b9eefd33d6950?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf4dc0c1c27c277b010b9eefd33d6950?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Karen Ruth Shock\"},\"description\":\"My life has been defined by a deep desire to know God. From the time I was a young girl, I remember staring up at the stars in the sky and asking hard questions. I\u2019m now a 51-year-old grandma and I am still learning. My husband and I have led youth groups, college ministries, and small groups in our home. I\u2019m a 7 on the enneagram with a strong 6 wing, which means I love to have fun and also have dealt with a whole lot of anxiety and depression for the past 26 years. I\u2019ve never quite figured out how to fit in with the women in church. However, I have grown comfortable just being me. My journey has had many ups and downs and I would love to share all of it with you. It\u2019s in telling our stories that we realize we are not alone.\",\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/karen.h.shock\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/author\/kshock\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Winning At All Costs","description":" I couldn\u2019t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now,","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Winning At All Costs","og_description":" I couldn\u2019t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now,","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/","og_site_name":"Karen Ruth Shock","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/karen.h.shock","article_published_time":"2022-08-21T17:06:57+00:00","og_image":[{"width":640,"height":427,"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/1435\/2022\/08\/pexels-pixabay-48151.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Karen Ruth Shock","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Karen Ruth Shock","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/","name":"Winning At All Costs","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#website"},"datePublished":"2022-08-21T17:06:57+00:00","dateModified":"2022-08-21T17:06:57+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#\/schema\/person\/66e1cb66eab0a2ab47624fc20ce08153"},"description":" I couldn\u2019t play the game anymore. Honestly, I didn\u2019t even know what game I was playing. Or that I was even playing a game at all. Looking back now,","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/2022\/08\/winning-at-all-costs\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Winning At All Costs"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/","name":"Karen Ruth Shock","description":"Willing to ask the hard questions, knowing God is big enough to handle them.","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#\/schema\/person\/66e1cb66eab0a2ab47624fc20ce08153","name":"Karen Ruth Shock","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf4dc0c1c27c277b010b9eefd33d6950?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cf4dc0c1c27c277b010b9eefd33d6950?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","caption":"Karen Ruth Shock"},"description":"My life has been defined by a deep desire to know God. From the time I was a young girl, I remember staring up at the stars in the sky and asking hard questions. I\u2019m now a 51-year-old grandma and I am still learning. My husband and I have led youth groups, college ministries, and small groups in our home. I\u2019m a 7 on the enneagram with a strong 6 wing, which means I love to have fun and also have dealt with a whole lot of anxiety and depression for the past 26 years. I\u2019ve never quite figured out how to fit in with the women in church. However, I have grown comfortable just being me. My journey has had many ups and downs and I would love to share all of it with you. It\u2019s in telling our stories that we realize we are not alone.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/karen.h.shock"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/author\/kshock\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4582"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1132"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1132\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1135"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenruthshock\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/1435\/2022\/08\/pexels-pixabay-48151-300x200.jpg\")
<\/p>\n